Here at the Hive

Chicken and Chimichurri, Delicioso! And a Cool Trick for using Knorr Cilantro Cubes

2012-01-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

The New Year has arrived and with it my realization that I totally buy into the idea of a "fresh start." I honestly believe that every January I can make major life changes from weight loss to financial re-birth to finding my true life calling. I am an intelligent adult however I continue to think there is some magic button that gets pushed on January 1 and all of my will power is restored. I'm an idiot.

So to show you all how awesome I am at making resolutions and then totally breaking them by February, today I am posting an adapted recipe I fixed for the children and myself. Mr. Handsome is traveling so I am forced to cook. Actually, I love to cook but of the two of us, he is more creative, confident and skilled in the kitchen.

Breaded Chicken Breasts with Fresh Herb Chimichurri

and

Cilantro infused Jasmine Rice

Chimicurri

1 lime

3 cups loosely packed fresh cilantro

1 1/2 cups loosely packed fresh basil leaves

2 green onions(white and green parts) cut in thirds

3 T. water

1 garlic clove, peeled

1/2 t. fresh ginger (try it out of the tube, so much easier!)

1 t. crushed red pepper flakes (we like it spicy, use less if you don't)

1/4 t. salt

For the chimicurri, into a food processor, juice the lime and add cilantro, basil, green onions, water, garlic and ginger. Cover and pulse until the ingredients are coarsely pureed. Remove puree from processor bowl and place in smaller bowl. Add red pepper flakes and salt to taste. Set chimichurri aside.

Chicken and Rice

18 low-sodium Club Crackers, crushed (Use whole-grain crackers to sneak that into your diet)

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 t. light mayo

1 t. Dijon mustard

1/4 t. each salt and coarsely ground black pepper

1 T. canola oil

1 1/2 cups cooked jasmine rice (My trick here is use a rice cooker, substitute low sodium chicken broth for the water and add a Knorr cilantro mini cube seasoning, clever right?)

For the chicken, place cracker crumbs on a baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees until golden brown (watch carefully or these bad boys will burn before you know it.) then remove from the oven. Using a kitchen mallet, flatten the chicken to 1/2 inch thickness. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Mix mayo and mustard together in a small bowl, then with a basting brush cover chicken with mayo/mustard mixture. Dredge chicken in cracker crumbs and press firmly to coat.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat about 1-3 minutes. Cook chicken 5 minutes per side (this is so subjective because everyone's stovetop is slightly different, just make sure the juice run clear when cut and it's not pink in the middle.)

Add 3 T. chimicurri to your cooked rice and mix well.

To serve, I cut the chicken and placed it on top of an artistic shmear of dijon, then added chimicurri to the top of the chicken. The rice was served on the side.

Okay, there you have it. An excellent meal choice for my New Year, New Me, New You, Who Knew Celebration! That's not really what I'm calling it but it's fun to think I could have a whole ad campaign going with a celebrity endorsement etc......

My children LOVED it. I loved it. We have chicken left over that I am having for lunch over a bed of arugula.

I hope you make this, I hope you love it and I hope you let me know what you think.

Here's to an exciting January and then once February roles around we can all get back to normal.

disclosure: This recipe is my adaptation from the Make it Fresh Make it Healthy cookbook from The Pampered Chef company. I have made some changes to better suit my family's needs and the way we prepare food. I do not claim to have invented this recipe or even dreamed up this recipe. There. Got that out of the way.

Mature and intelligent Capricorn, represented in the zodiac by the goat, boasts a great sense of mental stability and many admirable qualities. (HA!) Capricorns, those admirable people born between December 22nd and January 19th, are practical, patient, forward thinking, confident individuals who carry with them a deep sense of purpose. (Seriously?) This ambitious earth sign is in store for quite a few surprises in 2012 along with one well deserved success after another. (Please say Yes!)

2011-12-21T20:17:00.000-08:00

42. It's arrived. Not in full force, but it's here. So, I do what I do. You read. Welcome to my 42nd year.

1. I probably spend too much time on my computer. But somehow it seems appropriate.

2. I have incredible boat etiquette. Which is weird because we are not really boat people.

3."Hey, Mom." is a phrase, introduction, beginning to a conversation, that I hear more than you can imagine.

4. Like Jason Derulo, if I were a popstar, I would be tempted to start every song I perform by yelling my name, "Jennifer Tyler!"

5. Dinner is always a challenge.

6. I strive to have handwriting like an architect. In fact, I love creating my own fonts. With pen and paper.

7. I had dreams of being a lavender farmer.

8. I get great pleasure from re-organizing a drawer. Any drawer. It gives me a sense of control.

9. My favorite aisle in the grocery store is the cleaning product aisle. There is always a new scent or product being introduced. I'm a sucker for countertop spray.

10. My children will all be taller than me and that makes me so happy.

11. I fall asleep quite easily.

12. I would love to have a small cottage decorated in a "shabby chic" kind of way. Like a playhouse but to scale for an adult.

13. Moss is really beautiful. I love the color and the way it feels.

14. Speaking of moss, if I were a Smurf, which I would love to be, I would build my mushroom house on a moss patch.

15. I DO NOT watch scary movies. I just can't.

16. Twitter has become my new challenge. I am learning to use it slowly everyday.

17. An emerald cut diamond is in my future.

18. I love to watch my children swim. They are amazing in the water.

19. I should take some classes. Photography. Pottery. Cooking. Accounting. I need to continue learning.

20. Planning parties is quite fun for me. I tend to go overboard.

21. See's Bordeaux candies make me smile.

22. I like to be creative but at times I am embarassed by my creativity.

23. I never intend to make people feel inadequate. That is one of the most hurtful things you could do.

24. The numbers in my house address add up to 24. I like that.

25. I've often gone over in my head, "if my house was burning how would I get everything important to me out." It's an awful thing to think about.

26. At some point in my life, I would like to have a circus themed birthday party. According to #26, I probably shouldn't plan it or elephants might be involved.

27. My husband has become more handsome over the years. He was a hottie when we got married.

28. Sadly, I find some reality tv entertaining. Hoarders. Gross but totally entertaining.

29. I love to dance. Karaoke scares me. But I love to dance.

30. I have no time for politics. It pisses me off. It's frustrating. I think our government is a bunch of rich people who only give a shit about their own agenda. Now you say, "NO DUH."

31. I worry I will never be as successful as my parents. Will my children feel the same?

32. I only had 2 children when I was 32.

33. I am proud of Here at the Hive. I believe it's a nice representation of me.

34. We feel lucky to have our parents around. To have parents that are still living is a gift. Mr. Handsome and I recognize this.

35. I have met an amazing bunch of people. In a weird turn of events I was invited to be part of the Snowmamas. And in that, my life has changed. in a great way!

36. I ordered a peppermint frappuchino the other day. I drank half of it and then realized the calorie count. The half I drank was delicious.

37. When I was 13, I hated the idea of having boobs. At 42, I love the idea of having boobs. I will help my daughter feel the same way.

38. Wind scares the shit out of me. I. hate. wind.

39. The ability to write a thank you note, actually write, with your own handwriting, is a dying art. I insist that my children have that ability.

40. It's the new 30? Really? That seems weird. Why can't it just be 40.

41. I feel more grown up this year. I am easing into the new 30's. I think by the time I'm the"new 39" I'll have my 40's figured out.

42. Being a little more selfish, it's what I'm considering as my gift to me. I'll work on it. But loving everyone around me, it's a priority.

Thanks for sharing today with me. It make my day just what it should be, the very happy part of being alive. Happy, Happy.

A dog party! A big dog party! Big dogs, little dogs, red dogs, blue dogs, yellow dogs, green dogs, black dogs, and white dogs are all at a dog party! What a dog party! - P.D. Eastman

2011-11-11T14:19:00.001-08:00

We had a birthday at our house this week. I have kind of given up on birthday parties. When my kids were really little, I went all out. Made the cake, did all of the decorations, hand-made party favors, games. I can honestly say I took birthday parties to a whole new level.

But I burned out. And, they just stopped wanting to have them. Going out to dinner with one friend or taking a friend to the movies is sort of our "go to" celebration now. But the birthday we celebrated this week is special. NO MR. HANDSOME DID NOT TURN 50!

Lola the dog turned 1. Yep, my puppy is growing up......

Lola came to us with her sister Daizy during the holidays last year from our wonderful local shelter. Mr. Handsome and I thought fostering some puppies during the holidays would be a fun experience for the kids. We took 2 of the litter of 10 with NO INTENTION of keeping either of these puppies. NO INTENTION!

But wait, are you kidding me? Look at that! Emma acted like the best mommy ever. She truly loves Lola. So when someone or something has such an impact on everyone in your family, you should celebrate their birthday!

I gathered up some craft supplies and a cookbook and got to my party planning!

I traced out an old party hat that I used as my template. Making party hats is SO easy and a great way to customize a party. Plus anyone that has a head can wear one!

The hats turned out great. Now on to the treats. A few years back I bought a dog treat cookbook. I don't use it a ton but it's fun to make special treats for birthdays or holiday gifts for neighbor dogs (yes, I do that.)

Now, here's the hitch. Our oven died. RIP. gonzo. off to appliance heaven. bit the dust. Do you know what a pain in the ass it is to come up with dinner items that are all stove top, microwave or grilled. Suddenly, we are all craving casseroles, homemade bread, souffles, braised meats. ANYTHING from the OVEN! Anyhoo, the dog treat cookbook has a microwave recipe. So, Microwave Molasses Oatmeal Treats were on the menu. But, I never got around to making them. Cuz, I'm busy. I have 3 kids with lots of homework, after school activities, laundry, non-baked dinner to make. I'm freaking busy!

But I made hats.

We partied like it was 1999. We celebrated a very special friend. She's the bestest.

Happy Birthday you squirrely little, tennis ball-loving, speed demon, freakaziod! WE LOVE YOU!

No question there is a diagnosis for this affliction. But I probably can't afford the meds.

2011-11-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

I so often boast about my craftiness. Okay, boasting is the wrong word. I "suggest," "flirt with the idea of," "insinuate" my craftiness. I have a label for my posts "Crafty Ms. Jen, very crafty." Yet I rarely show it to you. Being crafty/creative and then documenting it are two very different things. I get caught up in the creative process and rarely stop to grab my camera mid-steps to show where I am and where I am headed.

Halloween costumes are one of my most favorite creative outlets. I love to conceive the ideas, figure out how to make them work and then construct them. This year we had some doozies. A gypsy with a full on corset (made by me.) A voodoo doll with pins and all (made by me.) A mad scientist with a custom lab coat (made by me.) Plus, a voodoo priest and priestess (made by me.) And, this year, I documented it, took pictures of the thrifted skirts I used to upcycle into a gypsy skirt. Pictures of the drinking straws and styrofoam balls being spray painted by the 10 year who would be wearing them in his voodoo doll costume. I did it. Then, my camera died. All of the pictures stuck on my memory card. Mocking me.

So today, while creating a birthday present for my friend, I decided to try again. This time with my phone. A before and an after. A peek into the lunacy that is me. A hint at how I can't leave well enough alone. A notion of how I think, "I can make this even more interesting."

Ladies and Gentleman, my attempt at a craft blog.

Today is LeeAnne's birthday. She has an amazing collection of crosses that she has artfully displayed in her home. LeeAnne has incredible taste and creates a beautiful, ever-evolving home. I went to a local store, The Paisley Pomegranate, that I know she likes and began the hunt. Something perfect for a friend (and in my price range.) I found this wonderful metal cross and knew right away this was what I needed. But it needed more. See, can't leave well enough alone.

I purchased, pondered and puttered. Went to my local craft store, Michael's and searched the jewelry making section. This is not a section I normally hang out in, however I like ALL sections of a craft store. Just cuz it says "jewelry" doesn't mean you gotta make jewelry! Wire clippers, glue and a little imagination later and I am thrilled with the result.

It's bedazzled beyond belief. Not really. It is embellished in a beautiful way. (I am creative, however not a photographer.) It really is striking and I am very proud and pleased to give it to LeeAnne. She appreciates my creativity, that's why I love making things for her.

Okay, maybe not quite a craft blog yet. But I think I like the documenting. Now if I can slow myself down long enough to take a pic, I could be onto something.

happy gluing.

1 in 3200. Those are my kind of odds.

2011-09-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

Autumn is a beautiful time here. Today was one of those days you wish would last FOREVER. The temperature, perfect. The color of the leaves, mind blowing. The wind, just a breeze.

This doesn't last long enough. I love the winter but it arrives and stays. Fall reminds me of being a flirtatious teenager. Getting all dressed up in your pretty outfit. Flaunt it for as long as your teenage-attention span can handle it. Then go. Seriously! Get out of here as fast as you can because you think somebody might have noticed!

Well, I noticed. I went outside and parked my body in a chair. I soaked it in. Like an 85 year old tortoise, dozing in and out of drifting in the breeze. It was Heaven. But then my brain got involved..... you know it does that.

I realized I had just put myself in grave danger. I was tempting The Fates. Outside. Enjoying THAT brilliant blue sky. Actually sitting. Looking up at that sky. Waiting. Watching.

I am pleased to announce I survived. I was not hit by a 1 ton bus-sized spacetrash piece of satellite. I coulda been. I was out there all exposed (totally clothed but totally exposed.) I could have been that 1 in 3200. And knowing how this flirtatious teenager's life works, I'm actually shocked.

I survived the Satellite Drop of 2011. Nostradomus, Mayans or Incans or whatever, Ben Bernanke or Bill Gates or the economy or whatever. I survived today.

Hooray me!

Getting a Jump Start on October......

2011-09-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

As you know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month. And since I put it off all of last year, I decided that I'd better get my boobs over to the local radiologist and have a mammogram.

This is a first for me. I've had these boobs a long time now but I've never treated them to this. I am finding that as I get older, the idea of going in for routine examinations scares the hell out of me. I don't fear the examination or the test so much, it's more of what they might find. I guess I'm afraid of getting old mostly. I'd better get over that quickly or I'm going to need some major counseling!

Unfortunately, I know several women who have suffered from breast cancer. Some my age, some older. I decided I owed it to them to go and get this done. I owe to my children. I owe it to my husband. So in bold letters, I wrote on our Family Calendar "Mammogram."

Q, of course, wanted to know what that was scheduled under 10:30 on Tuesday morning. Was it something he needed to prepare for? Was it an assignment that was going to require that he do some reading, because that would suck?! So he inquired and I explained.

Me: "I'm going to have pictures taken of my boobs."

Q (looking totally disgusted): "What?"

Me: "It's an x-ray picture that is taken of my breasts to make sure they are healthy. It's really important for women to have done."

Q: "Okay, cool."

And it really was as easy as that. That easy to explain to a 10 year old. That easy to do. It didn't hurt. It didn't even really pinch. It wasn't embarassing. And it took 30 minutes of my time.

Why did I put it off last year? Not sure. But I am quite proud of myself for taking the time this year.

If you know someone who has had breast cancer, has breast cancer or just has beautiful breasts, give her a hug and encourage her to take care of those boobies.

P.S. Q just came home from school and said "How was your hammergrab or whatever you call it, Mom?"

It was awesome son, thanks for asking.

If Fifth Grade accepted 41 year olds, I'd fit right it.

2011-09-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

I love Fall. It's a beautiful time of year. The weather is ideal. Temperatures are nice, the grass doesn't grow as fast so there is less mowing. The snow hasn't started to fly yet so there's no shoveling. The leaves are just changing and haven't begun to drop from the trees so there is no raking. Perhaps I love Fall because I'm lazy.

I think NOT.

I've been working on getting the family to try new things. Fall brought the opportunity for us to go apple picking. My inner-farmer was ALL over this. We could go and pick apples in the changing Fall sunlight. Sunlight that makes us all look prettier. The wind could whisper through the trees while the honeybees buzzed sweet songs of encouragement in our ears. I could wear a bonnet and an apron and carry a bushel basket I had woven earlier in the summer. We should TOTALLY go apple picking!

The apple picking was great. It poured down rain. There was lightning flashing all around us while we wielded picking sticks high into the trees. In all honesty, the rain added an extra level of "adventure." The trees are 130 year old heirloom apple trees. Not sure what kind of apples they are but we figured we needed 5 bags of them. 5 bags.

So we picked and picked and picked.

We came home with a shitload of apples.

Well, it's been 5 days since we picked apples I decided it was time to do something with them before they all began to rot on my counter.

So I made applesauce. How clever.

This is 2 bags worth of apples. First I peeled the apples.

I peeled and peeled and peeled. Now my inner-homesteader was totally excited about the outcome of my peeling. My fictious chickens are going to love this special apple peel treat. I am sure they will all scurry into the coop and lay dozens upon dozens of eggs for me. As a thank you for my generous offering of heirloom apple peels. They really do love me so.

Step 3 requires quartering and coring. And quartering and coring. And quartering and coring. Again, Henney, Penney, Lenney, Jenney, Benney, and Zenney (my fictitious chickens) will love the results of Step 3. But oh girls, you won't get all of the cores for some must go into my compost pile. Not fictitious by the way.

Finally, some sugar. A little more sugar. A pinch of salt. Some water. How about just a tad more sugar? And several "glug glugs" of Applejack and we are off. Apples boiling, breaking down, making the house smell nice.

I DID IT! I made applesauce. It looks pretty. It smells great. The kids are going to LOVE it.

Well, it turns out Ladycakes is "kind of picky about applesauce. You know it's not bad but it's not the best applesauce I've ever had." WTF? Q and Elvis have decided they are "too full" after 2 pieces of cinnamon toast to even try it. I thought kids were supposed to be STARVING after school?

Well, there is a happy ending. A silver lining. A reason for spending 2 1/2 hours of our day working on a task. A reward.

Look what I found while I was peeling the apples.

An apple bottom! I am in love with it. As you can imagine I sang Flo Rida's" Low". THE. ENTIRE. TIME. I made applesauce. Me, alone in my kitchen, singing about Shawty and her boots with the fur. God, I love making applesauce.

Add Flo Rida's "Low" to my Lifesoundtrack. Careful, there are some explicit lyrics here. So use your best judgement if you are sharing with kiddos. Just sayin'.

You know it's September when you give your cat a bath.

2011-09-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying, I've been a terrible friend. The summer took forever to get here and then it just slipped away. Right in front of my very eyes. Gone. I know I had some post ideas along the way but they all got lost in swim meets, laundry and bee stings.

Ladycakes has entered the world of Junior High. Q is big man on campus and Elvis has left the building (he goes to school everyday, leaving me here all by my lonesome.) Not entirely. Mr. Handsome has his headquarters here. We often meet and gossip around the watercooler.

Today I was, however, alone. Business was being done elsewhere. I decided to do my own business. I bathed the cat. This is the 16 year old cat that will be that freak of nature cat who lives to be 33. The cat that caused Mr. Handsome to undergo years of allergy shots. The cat we kept out of the crib for three different babies. Just heeding the warnings, "the cat will smother the baby!" This is the cat that now yowls, yes yowls in the middle of the night because she doesn't know where the hell she is. The cat that Mr. Handsome clearly said at 3:26 in the morning, "that thing has got to go."

I didn't set up an appointment to euthanize that cat. Nope. Instead, I watched a Youtube video on how to bathe your cat. The woman was very informative and made it clear what I should and shouldn't do. It was a pleasant experience. The cat quite liked being bathed. I do believe she was purring. I have not seen her since I bathed her which was about 45 minutes ago. But, I think it brought us closer.

The kids are back in school. I am officially a cat groomer. All in all, a good start to September.

If you would like to learn more about bathing cats, do check this out.

Just call me "Mrs. Mayor" or "Your Royal Mayorness." I'm cool.

2011-05-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Saturday, after a big garage sale (I swear it's the last garage sale I host!) as a family we sat down to watch a movie. Tangled. It's cute and easy.

3/4 of the way through comments began:

Elvis: "Dad, some day you will be King."

Q (from a lounging position): "King of What?"

Mr. Handsome: "There's a song that might help us with that."

Me: "Wait, let me check Youtube, I think it's something like King of Anything."

Ladycakes: "Yes, I love that song!"

Mr. Handsome: "No, that's not what I was thinking. It mentioned being the mayor....."

Me: "Is this it?"

Mr. Handsome: "Yes! Best song EVER!"

Me: "oh yeah, that makes WAY more sense. You totally are gonna be King."

Add "Mayor of Simpleton" by XTC to my Life Soundtrack.

Regarding the Rapture

2011-05-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

While driving home from a swim meet, the following dialogue occurred.

Q: "Mom, what time is it?"

Me: "It's 4:52."

Q: "So, an hour and 8 minutes until the end of the world?"

Me: "Well, it's 6:00 somewhere."

Q: "Then, we're good??"

Me: "Yep, hon. I think we're good."

Q: "Okay, good."

We survived another day or Heaven looks exactly the same as our everyday life. Wait... is this Hell? (kidding.)

My Review of Flip Flop Children's Pink Beach Sandal

2011-05-07T17:44:00.001-07:00

Originally submitted at My Cuban Store

Flip Flop Children's Pink Beach Sandal. Molded strap with printed logo. Squishy top-sole with printed heel logo. Custom Cobian textured outsole. You've herd the saying "Pretty in Pink". Well, that's just how your little girl will feel.

Perfectly Pink. But run a bit small.

By hereatthehive from Park City, UTah on 5/7/2011

Sizing: Feels half size too small

Width: Feels true to width

Pros: Stylish, Cute, Totally fun flip flops

Cons: Run just a little small

Best Uses: Wedding foot wear, Casual Wear

Describe Yourself: Alternative, Stylish, Trendy

Okay, we bought these for our boys. Yes, boys (10 and 6) for our niece's wedding. It is super hip for boys to wear pink and we wanted to go casual for this Colorado wedding. They do run small but at this price I am okay with ordering again. It's not SO small that they can't wear them day to day. They were shipped quickly and the product seems very high quality. Waiting on some other items that I will review. So Far So Good. Thanks MyCubanStore!

(legalese)

The black birds outside tell me it's Spring. It's Ornithorgasmic.

2011-05-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

The weather here is questionable. It threatens constantly. Cloudly, rainy, snowy. It's just questionable. But today I experienced it. The sign of Spring. The black birds in my backyard are busy. Some are flaunting, some are chasing, some are fleeing. They are BUSY! It reminded me that Winter won't last forever.

Baby birds are being created. There is a whole lot of ornitho-foreplay happening in my backyard. It makes me happy when blue skies are gray......

I am hopeful, not horny, birds don't do it for me.

Gene Autry was known to wear Easter bonnets.

2011-04-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

Okay not Gene Autry. But you get where I am going with this. We have decided to boycott the Bunny since 13 year old is still dragging out Santa and my pocketbook refuses to buy anymore crap. Seriously, my wallet bitch-slapped me at Wal-Mart and told me "NO MORE CRAP!" It was thrilling.

Wishing you and yours a Happy Easter. My frig smells like hard boiled eggs and Ladies and Gentleman, that's not a good thing. Farts and green grass to you. Right now, it's snowing! Ugh, oy, and you gotta be f__ing kiddin' me!

Our "staycation" has turned into a "suckation."

2011-04-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

It's Spring Break here in Park City. Most of our friends have headed to warmer, more tropical locales. We are stuck here. As part of my Snowmama gig, I am given a 5 day stay at the Park City Mountain Resort. So for Spring Break, we decided on a "staycation." The resort has extended it's season by a week so we are skiing for our break. Well, only 4 of are skiing.

We arrived on Monday afternoon, very excited. We are staying at the Silver Star condos. They are luxurious. There is a ski lift right out the door, pool, hot tub, gorgeous kitchen and condo accomodations. Well, it turns out the lift out the door is not running anymore and the pool is closed too. Uh, not a great way to start.

The boys were totally excited about the bunkbeds in their room. Ladycakes has her own king size bed and private bathroom. Awesome. The kitchen has high end appliances that Mr. Handsome couldn't wait to get cooking on. I must admit, I felt quite proud I could provide this mini-getaway for my family.

We had a lovely dinner on Monday evening and the kids hot tubbed and watched a movie. Mr. Handsome and I hung out by the fireplace watching t.v. Bedtime came along and I went in to tuck pj'd and teethbrushed boys. I climbed up the bunkbed ladder to tuck Elvis in and in a matter of seconds the ladder was no longer under my feet. I could feel myself falling backwards and grabbing for the rail but not making a connection.

Suddenly I felt myself crashing into the other bunk bed's ladder with my back and then bouncing from there to edge of the lower bunk. All the while yelling, "HELP!" I landed on my side on the floor with a horrible sharp pain in my lower back. I couldn't move. Mr. Handsome came running. The boys, both shocked, were staring down at me from the top bunks. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It felt like I had broken my pelvis.

I spent yesterday at the ER being X-rayed and questioned. No breaks, just really bad bruising, some muscle damage and some pain meds and muscle relaxers in hand. Great friends came to our rescue to watch children while Mr. Handsome and I racked up charges at the hospital. Then they came for dinner and provide the entertainment that we needed. Even though I'm not very fun when I can't really move, they hung out. We love our friends.

I can't ski. I'm pissed. My staycation sucks. I'm sad. I sent the family out today, to ski. I am sitting in my luxury condo questioning it all.

Ugh.

PUMP. Please Understand My Pituation.

2011-04-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

I mentioned that I wanted to discuss "stuff." The accumulation of goods, from clothing to toys to lamps to craft supplies. Just stuff. Here at the hive, we have a lot of stuff. It seems to grow. Stuffed animals are procreating in closets. The sock draw is a hot bed of sock love. A virtual swingers club for socks where I am noticing most couples end up single.

When I had the realization that a lot of my stuff is bringing me down, we had a sign. A sign from the heavens. Actually a sign from our gutters. As Mr. Handsome headed down into our crawlspace to store just a little more "stuff," he stepped into 3 inches of water. 3 inches of water that is sitting atop plastic sheeting and then good old fashioned mud. It's ugly. It's messy. It's not life threatening, but it's super annoying.

So this minor inconvenience got me thinking even more about stuff. As I am pulling up pillows that I have been saving (why?) frames that I've been saving (why?) gift boxes I've been saving (why?) I wonder why is it so hard to let go of stuff and why do we accumulate it? I know there are reality shows out there that look into this. I am not a hoarder. But I am an average American. There are 3 families (ours included) on our street that have a garage sale EVERY summer. That is not okay.

I have decided to work on what I purchase. I am sick of buying junk. I am going more high brow. I want to buy things that I plan on having for a long time. If I can't afford it now, I will wait until I can. No longer substituting with something crappy just to fill a void, in other words stop hanging out at TJ Maxx or Walmart. I think it will make my body feel lighter. It will make my brain feel clearer. It will make my house feel happier. It will make my world feel healthier.

Now, off to use the pump I just bought from Home Depot. Luckily this purchase is something we will have for a long time, hopefully we will only have to store it in the crawlspace with only a little other stuff and it will be one of those purchases we never use but are so glad we made it.

Add "Pump up the Jam" by Technotronics to my Life Soundtrack because according to my friend Cal "That's so you!" Wow. and I know.

Change is what keeps us constantly striving to be more than we were before. Gettin' deep and not by going off the deep-end.

2011-04-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's Spring here and I know because it's continuing to snow. I have Spring Fever for sure and at the same time feel very stuck. I've been feeling this way for awhile now. And that rut, it just keeps getting deeper or I keep getting shorter and therefore it feels like there is no way out. I do the same thing EVERY DAY. Seriously, it really doesn't change. I love routine but this has become torture. I've decided to put it out there and maybe it will force me to make a change.

So with change in mind, I'd like to discuss a few things with you. One topic at a time. The first change I intend to make is regarding my body. You guessed it,

I'M GETTING A BOOB JOB!

kidding.

As a person who is considered a cancer survivor, you would think I would have a real interest in my body. Sheryl Crow wrote a cookbook because, as a cancer survivor, she realized she needed to consider how everything affects your body and your health. People on a daily basis make lifestyle changes (green cleaning products for example) for the sake of their health and well being. I'm not like most people, I instead have been secretly and subconsciously conducting my own form of warfare on the very body that I should be treating like a temple.

I eat poorly. Not that I have twinkies for breakfast and McDonald's for lunch and then popcorn and beer for dinner, but I don't give a lot of thought to what it is I am shoving into my mouth. I rarely consider portions, where my food came from, trying new things or eliminating things that probably aren't making me feel my best.

I do not speak kindly to or about my body. Of course, a lot of the time I am just looking for a laugh. But, if you say something enough you start to believe it. I have a 13 year old daughter. The LAST thing I should be doing is judging my body and only talking about what I feel is "wrong" with it. Isn't that basic parenting 101?

I don't treat my body nicely. I do take it out for a walk in the morning but that's only because the dogs can't walk themselves. I do get out and enjoy the great outdoors but only if I'm guaranteed a beer afterwards. I need to find something I like to do that gets my heart rate up and make it a part of my daily life.

Now, I know this can't happen overnight. And, I know that I am only human and I won't always make the right choices. But, thinking about it, saying it and then giving it the ol' college try can't hurt.

Another day we will be discussing "stuff." Yes, "stuff." The keeping, buying, storing, constant rearranging of and general downer that it brings.

Til then I'm off to eat a bowl of ice-cream and down it with a margarita. Again, kidding.

Could you maybe make an announcement during the party and let everyone know I would have brought a gift but I was too busy thinking I was really cool and couldn't get it done in time but I swear if I had gotten it done in time everyone would have been super impressed. Okay, thanks.

2011-03-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today I had a revelation. Nothing religious, just a sudden thought that I understand myself a little better. I am not one to have a lot of self-realization. I kind of cruise through not paying much attention to myself. Don't get me wrong, I tend to be self-critical. But, self-searching and self-improvement are not high on my list. Perhaps I'm lazy or dumb.

But today, today was different. Today, I became aware of my Craft Confidence. I am a terribly, almost foolishly, confident crafter. I would prefer to refer to myself as an "artist" but that's when that self-critical monster rears her ugly head.

"How, Jen, did this amazing moment come to you?" you ask. Well thanks for asking.

Here's how it all went down. I was invited to a baby shower. I was told that the mother to be really only wanted diapers because she has everything she needs. Diapers? Really. So boring. I could construct a diaper cake, I could monogram diapers but I certainly can't give "just diapers." Well, the hostess of said party knows I love to bust out the glue gun and fabric and glitter whenever possible. She also secretly knew of my craft confidence and didn't tell me (perhaps she is my muse?)

So hostess says, "You should totally make something for her." :snicker, snicker, snicker:

It kicked in. That warm, fuzzy, "you know you are RIGHT, I SHOULD make something for her" feeling. And it started, my brain thinking "if I visualize it, it will come."

A MOBILE, that's it. That can't be that hard. I will construct a one of a kind mobile for this mother to be. It will knock her socks off and she will be so glad that I didn't bring silly ol' diapers.

Fast forward to the day of the shower. The mobile sat in my studio, totally not working. Mobiles are really hard to make and I was sure I could get one done in a day. Counterbalance, physics blah, blah, blah.

So I went to the shower empty handed. This confident crafter ain't givin' in. No way, no how. I would give her NOTHING before I showed up there with an 84 pack of Pampers Swaddlers.

So today is a new day. I know I'm a confident crafter, cuz I did it. I made the mobile and I can't wait to hand it over to her. And yell, "IN YOUR FACE! I KNEW I COULD DO IT."

Wait, I will not say that to her.....

Birds on Branches

Birds Hanging Straight on their Branches!

Crazy little birds......made by a crazy, I mean, confident crafter.

Courtyard Marriott, Bacardi Rum and a Bromine burn. Plus, where the hell is Kerry?

2011-03-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Mr. Handsome and I had quite a weekend. The children were involved. The Utah State Swimming Championship took place and we endured all 3 and 1/2 days. In Provo, Utah. Go ahead, Google it, Provo, UT that is.

Mr. Handsome was a swimmer. I was a swimmer. We swam together in high school (the bullfrogs). I saw him in a Speedo. He saw me being a dork. (This all should be read to the tune of "Froggy went a courtin' and he did ride Uh huh." *my dad played guitar and sang this to us :special: ) Oddly enough, his Speedo and my dorkiness all happened in the same place 25 years ago.... Mr. Handsome has been re-living it more than I care to remember. (and no we weren't there in 1965!)

We didn't fall in love in the pool but we both love the sport. LoVe came later.....

Okay not about me or him... our children. We spent the last 3 days watching our 2 Big swim like I have never swum. Is swum a word? Both of our kiddos showed a competitive spirit that is thrilling. Maturity that is mind blowing. Atheleticism that I envy.

Then there were the other parents, oy. See her, in the picture above? She's there in the back. We LOVE her. Not only do we love the sport, we love the team. The kids are amazing, they cheer for each other, socialize, act like kids together. The parents support ALL of the kids. We cheer, we scream, we rejoice and we share disappointment together. I dig these people, we dig that lunatic in the picture above.

I cannot explain in words how proud I am of my children. Little (Elvis) handled a very long weekend with grace and patience and a hell of a lot of "Zumba" juice. Ladycakes rocks being 13....it's not easy in case you can't remember. Q was a champion with a drive we enjoyed experiencing. It was mind-blowing, watching your kid bring it.

My hope is that all Moms and Dads find something their kids love and they love too. Lucky? You bet we are.

That lady in the background....we love her!

It's not my fault so please don't trip.

2011-03-10T20:22:00.000-08:00

I listen to XM Radio for a good portion of my day. I'm in the car a lot and I tend to listen to the "20 on 20" more than I should. It's a bit addictive and I end up singing along to songs that aren't really age appropriate. I went through some old CD's today and I really should be listening to those. LL Cool J, Luscious Jackson, R.E.M. Instead I'm karyoke-ing to Miranda Cosgrove, Ready Set Woe, and yes, the occasional Lil' Wayne.

While driving with the family yesterday, a song came on and I announced that it was my new "theme song." Everybody shut up and listened to the lyrics. Then all of a sudden, there was a huge burst of belly laughter from the back seats. All three offspring were laughing hilariously.

I am so proud of my ability to make my children and myself laugh. There is nothing funnier than making fun of yourself. I happen to be really good at it.

Below is my new "Theme Song." It's catchy. Just try to not sing it to yourself, or do....... it will make feel silly and happy. and maybe beautiful.

Add "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson to my Life Soundtrack.

"I know it's 11:30 at night but I only have one more question" (and it's a doozy) says 10 year old son with more charm than whoever is the "most charming man" according to US weekly.

2011-03-05T20:53:00.000-08:00

So we have been encountering questions. With 3 children, questions come at us a mile a minute but lately I've actually been paying attention. Not that I don't usually pay attention. But "Mom, do we have any juice?" or "Mom, where are my underwear?" are just not real questions anymore. It's background music.

So a few questions Mr. Handsome and I have fielded in the last few days:

1. "Mom, when are you going to get paid?"

2. "How do boats catch on fire? They are on water."

3. "Hey Mom? When do you think you might have some money?"

4. "Don't you think a fast skin swim suit might hurt my crotch?"

5. " Mom. What's a condom?"

Uh, I don't know? Might be the answer to ALL of the questions. However, I do know what a condom is. Mr. Handsome busted one out to answer this question ( and if you have been following for a year or so, we don't need these so yes, a new question is in the arena.)

6. "Mr. Handsome, why do you have condoms?"

Kidding, I was thrilled he had one and we did show it to Q and then made Ladycakes look at it, actually I threw it at her and she freaked out. Then, we talked about it. This is where I am....this is where I am. Luckily, I kept my maturity in check and didn't make a dirty balloon animal out of the condom. Mr. Handsome and I need to talk......... :)

Not my proudest moment.

2011-02-23T22:48:00.000-08:00

So the littlest and I went out for a snow shoe... and some sledding. Took the new puppy and snowshoes and a sled and a mom who was questioning her decisions the minute she stepped out the door. But that's what Moms do...

Took to the path and listened to Elvis bitch about walking to the sledding hill. "It's too far." "I'm so tired." "I can't go anymore" yadda, yadda yadda.

So we walked with puppy. It was stressful with all of the puppiness and 5 year oldness. But we arrived here, ready to sled. Sled we will.

Elvis hiked this bad boy-self and sent his shit down like no other. Run #1 AWESOME! It was fast, furious and crazy epic. Standing at the top of this hill, I was in awe. Mr. Handsome was on his way over with Ladycakes, I called on the cell and asked him to bring Elvis' s helmet. This hill is epic, he needs a helmet.

As Mr. Handsome and Ladycakes approached, Elvis wanted to take run #2. He was ready. On his game. I mentioned before pushing him down the hill, "Bail if you need to.." *note to self 5 year olds don't know what" bail if you need to" means..I SUCK.

Fencing consists of barbed wire and re-bar posts. The blood you see, my child's.

He wasn't wearing a helmet. We couldn't wait the 5 minutes for Dad to arrive. He slammed into the above fence. Luckily, he hit the side of his head not his face. He's fine. He has 5 staples in his head and will be just fine.

I'm a wreck. Mother of the Year, I'm out of the running. I'm so proud of my brave little man but question my own decisions. He still trusts me and for that I wonder if perhaps there wasn't a brain injury.

I love him. I'm sorry. I'll do better. I promise.

Another VD (Valentine's Day) comes and goes. And I feel great.

2011-02-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

I remember when Valentine's Day was important to me (college). I waited for it with great anticipation. I wondered what I would "get" for Valentine's Day. I hated Valentine's Day.

It's a weird holiday. I am a romantic. But not really. I think I might be a little to practical for romance. I kind of feel like you should be romantic all year round. But that's cliche. I do not practice what I preach because life takes over. And since when have parent/teacher conferences been romantic. The last time I took my car to be repaired, hardly romantic. Scooping the kitty litter. not romantic.

I love watching my kids discover love. Crush like love. But a little love none the less. I love watching my kids celebrate their friends. Loving their friends.

Happy Valentine's Day. However you celebrate, with whomever you celebrate. I love love.

Add "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles to my Life Soundtrack.

It's a weird cloud. And, it's gross.

2011-02-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Q decided to be the one to talk in the car today. Didn't ask me to shut Ernie D down, Q allowed a little background music. I think it was Pink singing "Raise Your Glass" playing on Radio Disney. I LOVE PINK and I love that song. But on Radio Disney. Hhhhmmmm. But again, I digress.

So Q had a revelation at school today. Thank God (wait not thanking for the revelation) my kids go to school. Clearly they are getting all sorts of shit out of it. And ladies and gentleman, it is not just the 3R's. Which again, 3R's (Reading, yes, Writing, uh no, and Arithmetic, totally no in the "R" arena!) Again....sorry.

Revelations and not of the religious kind. Q experienced something we have ALL experienced. My experience involves an airplane. Oh yea baby. Q was on the playground. Doing what 4th graders do. Acting like dorks. Just kidding. Playing football, picking their noses, acting cool around the cute girls and then crying when they don't get their way. An adorable bunch.

Q walked through a fart. It was a first for him. In his words.....

Q: "Hey, you know how people fart just randomly."

Me: "Yes, that is kind of how it happens."

Q: " Well, today when I was on the playground, someone must have farted."

Me: " Really?"

Q: "Yes, because I was out there and I walked through something that smelled disgusting. It was a fart cloud."

Me: "Right on, so you had a good day?"

Let's go ahead and add "Raise your Glass " by Pink to my life soundtrack because....why wouldn't I?

It's like baby, baby, baby whoa...... and then I buyed some stuff.

2011-02-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

While driving to pick up the big kids from swimming, Elvis asked me to turn off the radio. No more Radio Disney, as much as we love Ernie D, enough already. He had some stuff to talk about. He's become quite the talker, although not at school according to the information we got at yesterday's parent/teacher conference. But, I digress.

The Scholastic Book Fair coincides with Parent/Teacher Conferences at our school. At your school too, I imagine. The same people that put toys in the grocery store and candy at the check-out, schedule the Scholastic Book Fair during Parent/Teacher conferences. Yes, we use it as a bribe. We are no better than the other parents at our school. Elvis is super in to the Book Fair, first experience with retail shopping while being educated. It's like Heaven for Elvis, he's a shopper.

A lot of the kids bring "their own money" to shop the Book Fair during recess, yea right "their own money!" Elvis got to experience two of his classmates acting as consumers. Both girls, shoppin' away. Buyin' shit.

So Elvis says to me while we are driving in the car, " Itzel and Jessica buyed stuff at the Book Fair today. They buyed posters with their own money. We got to see what they buyed in class."

I say to Elvis, "What did they buy?"

Elvis says, "Well Jessica buyed a poster of a horse. But Itzel, she buyed a poster of Justin Beaver."

I responded, "Wow, She BOUGHT a poster of Justin BEIBER?"

Elvis quickly replied in a very judgemental tone, " Yea! Can you believe she buyed Justin Beaver? I mean really?"

Whoa. Justin Beaver has a contract with Scholastic. That kid is rich. I just wish the poster was actually a beaver with Justin's stupid ass hair. I would have totally buyed that too.

Guess my date night with Elvis to see Justin Beiber's new movie IN 3D! is a bust. He is so not boughting that.

Stuck. Like a Stick in the Mud. Stuck.

2011-01-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing. I have so much. I should be writing. Yet I can't. The ideas swim.. Back and forth, Back and forth. None are worthy, funny, smart. It just seems like day to day.

A swift kick in the ass is necessary. A jolt, a pinch, a punch something to get me off my current track. It's dull and boring and repetitive and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Nothing changes, everything stays the same. I could live my life in my sleep. Don't ask me to tell you about it but it goes like this....

1. Alarm rings. slippers on, sweatshirt on.
2. Awaken children.
3. Trip over dogs waiting on children.
4. Dogs outside, lights on. TV set to PBS kids.
5. Oldest roused. "What do you want for breakfast?" waiting, waiting, waiting.
6. Begin preparing lunch, prior to preparing breakfast. "What do you want for breakfast?" waiting, waiting, waiting.
7. Continue preparing lunch. Feed dogs. Suggest items for breakfast. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
8. 7:25 a.m. "Guys, your breakfast is happening, whether you like it or not." Breakfast is served.
9. 7:30 a.m Word Girl begins. Love Word Girl.

10. 7:39 a.m "Boys, go get dressed." I follow to monitor dressing of boys. Brushing of boy's teeth, shutting off of lights in boy's rooms. General maintenance.
11. 7:52 "Get your boots on." "Get your coat on." "Where's your backpack?" Repeat at least 3 times.
12. 7:57 "Q you have to hustle. Keep moving buddy. You have got to keep moving." Blood pressure pushing day time high.
13. 8:00 "Gentleman, we are LATE. Get your bodies into the car!" I then say, " I love you, see you at pick up, do your best." When Mr. Handsome is in town, he acts as chauffer. When he's not in town, this list is much longer.
14. One more to send off and I am exhausted...... I will spare you the details, but she is the teenager so you can only imagine!

Working on inspiration. Working on creativity. Working on me.

Should I be flattered, furious or flabbergasted?

2011-01-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

I love getting the mail. Especially during the holidays because I generally get a few Christmas cards here and there. Aside from the bills, which come all too frequently, I love getting the mail.

Until today.

Today, in my mailbox was the "American Baby Parenting Magazine," an offer to subscribe to "More Magazine, the magazine for women in their 50's" and to add insult to injury, my "Welcome to AARP" packet.

WTF!

Am I in my child-bearing years? No, that ship sailed about 1 year ago to the date. Do I look like I'm 50? Maybe it's the gray hair. But AARP? Someone needs to kick the shit out the person handling their demographic studies.

I am considering contacting my OB/GYN and asking him if he doesn't make enough money at the normal OB/GYN business. You know birthin' babies, the ever popular annual exam and the boob fondling that comes along with that. Because obviously he's selling his mailing list to make a little extra cash.

Honestly. I'm not getting the mail tomorrow.

Fondue? Do you? It's fun to fondue, you should too. please do.

2010-12-31T20:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know it looks like we live in the 70's. Busting out the TV trays and the fondue pot, totally living bi-centenial. Look out 1976, we are making our move. Tonight's New Year's Eve celebration involved fondue, broccoli, cauliflower, french bread, pretzel sticks, lil smokies and cheese, cheese, cheese. It was delicious and fun and I want to thank Hilary for the inspiration!

Dick Clark is on the agenda, really Ryan Seacrest but I feel like I should pay homage to the man who owns New Year's Eve. We might even play a little Pictionary on Udraw, if we get it set up. Safe and sound at home. Looking forward to starting new.

Wishing you and yours a Happy New Year!

It's almost 2011!

2010-12-30T20:44:00.000-08:00

For the holidays, we have been fostering two 6 week old labrador puppies. It's been our holiday "community service." I swear everytime I say that I feel like I am admitting my children are criminals. Hhhhmmmm. And, yes, I made dog toys for them, personalized and everything. I am the mother of criminals, I have to have a creative release! Delilah is up there cuddling her toy.

Please meet Delilah, the chocolate lab and her sister Lola, the black beauty.

Miss Emma, our 9 1/2 year old English Mastiff has been a most gracious host. We are calling her "Gramma Emma," She tolerates snuggling (see above) tail tugging, whimpering, wrestling and toy stealing. She is incredibly kind and plays like the gentle giant she is, soft nibbling, quiet nudging all with such kindness. We love her dearly and are reminded of how special she is to our family.

The puppies go back to Furburbia on January 5th. We will miss them. They snuggle and play and pee and poop. It's been a great experience for all of us. We love you Lola and Delilah and we hope you find great homes.

Shopping on Main Street

2010-12-28T20:49:00.001-08:00

Shopping on Main Street by Jennifer Tyler featuring puffer coats

Park City Outfit

2010-12-27T20:32:00.001-08:00

Park City Outfit by Jennifer Tyler featuring gray hats

Your ability to concentrate in spite of distractions is impressive. External events will be more easily ignored than internal mental chatter, but you shut out both in favor of finishing something that is very important to you.

2010-12-21T21:33:00.000-08:00

41.

yes, 41. December 22. I should buy The Beatles on Itunes because I am just that old.

Some things.

1. I love my children's laughter.
2. Old fashioned calendar/planners make me very happy. Pencil it in, you bet I will.
3. Toe-socks. Socks that look like mittens but for your feet, don't love them. A bit weird, to wear and to watch those who are wearing.
4. I drink a lot of milk, especially in the morning. I love drinking milk.
5. I hate the grocery store, unless I am by myself. By myself, I can manage the grocery store.
6. Having gumballs in your home is welcoming.
7. In 5 years, my life will be entirely different and I worry about that.
8. I would love to have a manicure weekly.
9. I swear too much.
10. I love dogs, cats, birds, squirrels, moose, dolphins, you name it. My mom is to blame and to be thanked.
11. I have an amazing knowledge of Pop Culture. I can't decide if I should be embarrassed or proud. Probably embarrassed but oddly enough I am proud. i.e. Nick Lachey will probably not get married over New Year's. Oh good Lord.
12. I can make a gift in a matter of minutes. I have enough stuff to make a really great gift in 30 minutes.
13. I have never stayed in a hotel with a 13th floor.
14. I love a really good grapefruit, especially if it's really cold.
15. I'm a fan of Eminem. I appreciate his anger and expression.
16. Star Trek the Next Generation used to be cool. It's still okay. Kind of.
17. I love the way my Elvis uses prepositions. Totally wrong but so confidentially.
18. I want next year to be better than last year. I hated last year.
19. Lola and Delilah make great dog names. I'm sure of it.
20. Teasing is ugly and doesn't make anyone feel good.
21. Facebook fascinates me. I am not sure if it is healthy, but this might not be either. Social media is intriguing and I pledge to learn more.
22. You are my favorite number.
23. I make fun of "The Today Show" on a daily basis. Seriously, it's ridiculous.
24. I can be creative with food.
25. I am lucky my parents are still alive, so many people I know cannot say the same.
26. I love to shovel snow. It's hard work but I love it.
27. Perming your hair is a bad idea, I've done it at least 3 times and the results are never good.
28. Receiving a compliment is something I am still working on, the reception that is....
29. I wish I could give my husband everything he wants. I would love to give him a new kitchen.
30. Speaking Spanish would be very helpful. I never really learned to speak Spanish.
31. I like to roll coins. Collect the coins, count the coins, roll the coins in papers. It's really old school but totally soothing to me.
32. I wish I wore clothes that were "high style, fashioned forward, haute couture" but clogs, jeans and down vests seem to be my go to style.
33. I love people.
34. I've lost my sense of organization, or perhaps I've gained a sense of perspective. The order that used to matter seems less important. or maybe I've become lazy.
35. I am a peace keeper. It's exhausting.
36. I don't remember being 36.
37. If a kid needs to throw up, I will offer up hands-cupped. I will. I can. It's just throw up. It'll wash away and holy cow, kids need that.
38. I love to ski. I would never have said that until now. I have the time, the equipment, the perspective. And, I'm not a bad skier.
39. I am looking for my passion. (Aside from my children and my husband, I am passionate about them but beyond that, I need a boost.)
40. Having a pap smear annually is incredibly important. Please do it every year. If your insurance doesn't cover it (why wouldn't it) do it anyway. It's embarrassing, it's mildly uncomfortable, it's an inconvenience. However, if you don't do it, you could be in trouble. Please. Do it.
41. Starting over is possible. Changing everything can happen. Taking control. Yes, it can happen. I am going to. I need to. I am old enough to make great things happen.

Happy Birthday. to me. New year, new.......

I Hope This Gets To You

2010-12-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

I love this. I makes me feel like I have fallen in love all over again.

Teacher's Gifts. A highly debated topic.

2010-12-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

I do Teacher Gifts. I feel that these people spend a good portion of their day with my children. I think they deserve a gift. So many parents pitch into the "community pot" and then the Room Parent buys a gift card of some kind. This isn't really my style.

*Disclaimer: I did collect money for the Kindergarten teacher this year. He's a great guy and will really dig a Home Depot gift card.

My style is to make a gift for the teachers. I am that parent they dread. "Oh, here she comes again with her handmade gift. Doesn't she know I want a gift card to Home Depot!" Making a gift requires that I really think about the recipient. I ponder about the great work they have done, I think about how much I appreciate them.

This year's gift......

Clay plaques with peace doves and the word "peace" embossed on them attached to vintage glass bottles. The branches are really little sticks with felt leaves and felt berries attached to them. I love them. I am really pleased with how they turned out and they truly are a one of a kind gift.

Now, some of my friends forego the gift all together. What are your thoughts? Gift, no gift, cash?

Another piece of commissioned art. Does this make me a "real" artist?

2010-12-14T21:24:00.000-08:00

I mentioned before that I would be making 150 bottles for a wedding in July. I feel very flattered when someone likes my art.

I had another commission this week. Again, someone who really respects my work as an artist asked me to work my magic.

When you ask, I will deliver. I love to create. No matter how crappy the request may be.

I present to you "Ugly Christmas Sweaters." Oh Good Lord, I totally enjoyed doing this. Ladycakes helped and suggested we open an "Ugly Sweater Store." Oh silly girl, no one will fall for that. But wait, I checked on-line and people REALLY DO FALL FOR THAT!

Here they are...

The trees light up, it's fantastic.

This is Frosty and his balls. It's terribly tasteless and AWESOME!

This is me. Showing off my terribly awful, hilarious, totally fun to wear creations.

Maybe I am a real artist. Maybe not. Whatever, I love being creative!

Okay, there is business at hand. Plenty of unfinished business.

2010-12-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

I'm failing. Wifemotherexpletive rocks it with a month worth of posts. A MONTH'S worth. If I could get it together to do 2 consecutive days, I'd be my own rock star.

My gingerbread house. Ladycake's sold her's for $40.00, yep $40.00 buck a roos. This is mine. I loved making it. I have a mild Smurf, gnome addiction (totally showing my age.) Can't wait for the movie!

I'll have to see it alone. I won't be the only 40 year old woman alone in the theater, I just know it. So, gingerbread damnit. Get it over with.

There....front has cute girl gnome holding a wreath. Back has cute gnomes planting a garden, which makes total sense because it's Winter! No logic when Gingerbread is concerned. Good news is the Children's Justice Center earned $6000.00 from this fundraiser. That's truly what it's all about.

Next....

Snowmama's Summit was unbelievable. Mind-blowing, gotta get my shit together, hope they like me as much as I like them, weekend! This is one of 2 photos I took over the weekend. Yep, we'll talk about, hello you need to document your events if you are blogging... I know, I know. We tubed at Gorgoza Park on the first night and it was ridiculously fun. Do it. Do it now!

Then I learned that the local (CBS) station was filming a morning segment at Gorgoza and anyone that wanted to participate could. Uhhh, what? Free? Really? Fun and free? Okay yes, you have to be there at 6:00 a.m. but once in a lifetime...totally worth it!

Kids and mom tubing. LOVED IT!

Kids tubing with kids they just met, LOVED IT!

Elvis snowmobiling. LOVED IT! Casey Scott , the crazy roving reporter, kept us all laughing. It was terrific. Tom Butz, the Director of, "Owner" in my kid's mind, but all around great guy who keeps this bad boy running like a machine was a gracious host and wow, we feel lucky to know him. Hopefully, the marketing part of it was successful. It worked on me.

Finally, Wildlife in my own backyard.

This beautiful hawk, don't know what kind....just don't. Landed on my fence and made a hearty, albeit gross, meal out of a rodent of some kind. Stayed on the fence for 20 or so minutes. AMAZING! Then flew into our Aspen trees and hung out for awhile. Beautiful. I am so lucky. This is what I see in my backyard. Nice.

Okay, I'll try to be more wifemotherexplevite -ish. But no guarantee. I have to get my stuff together, that could take years.

So Mom, I woke up with a great idea....

2010-12-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

uh, ya yu did. She (Ladycakes) signed up to make a gingerbread house for a local charity. The Children's Justice Center helps kids who have been abused or witnessed abuse. They are questioned, comforted and appropriately placed. Last year she made fabulous fleece blankets for kids that come to the Center. This year, she chose to participate in their gingerbread house auction.

She woke up the other morning with a brilliant idea. "Mom, I'm making Snoopy on his dog house!" All I could think is "damn, this girl is good, she's kicking my garden gnome ass." It turned out better than better. Ladycakes will be the best pastry chef in the nation in what 15 years. I need to start saving so I can fund Ladycakes and Company. I love this girl, she's brilliant and she's all mine.

Great job Ladycakes!
Love,
Mom
(tomorrow I'll show you mine. It looks silly compared to this one!)

When the mother is the least mature person in the group.....

2010-11-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

We attempted to take a family picture at Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. I have had a request from my dear friend, Geri for a family photo. She's got some plan for it. Whatever she comes up with will be totally cool, that is if I could grow up for like what 2 seconds. Not likely.

Every year I think I should send out Christmas cards with a family photo. I love receiving cards from all of my friends. Seeing pictures of the whole family is fun. I like to compare myself to all of them and really critique whether or not I look older than any of my peers. Not really, well kind of. So, since Geri requested the family photo I was thinkin' "two birds with one stone." Let's knock this bad boy out and get to Wal-mart, STAT! I'll get some photo cards printed and out before the mad rush. My mailing list will be super impressed with how on top of it I am. They'll open those envelopes and be all, "That Jen, she's so organized and look at how cute her kids are and DAMN, that girl looks good. Not a day over 28!"

Well, that's all fine and dandy if once again, I would grow up for like what 2 seconds. The proof is in the pudding......

and, then

oh, wait and this

There are others but whoa, they don't get any better. We are going to have to give this another go I'm afraid. Yes, the mailing list would definitely say, "Wow, that Jen, she sure doesn't look any younger but she still acts like a 12 year old."

Oh well.

Hey Mom, Are you thinking about making a Turducken? Nope, I'm not.

2010-11-24T20:18:00.000-08:00

* See that question mark up there. Pretend it's a cartoon bee preparing to carve a Thanksgiving turkey. It's a smiling bee and deliciously roasted turkey. It's totally random..... now, go ahead. Read.

I'm probably so not supposed to be using this image. You know because it's so cool and it makes so much sense. Can't you hear the creative department, " We should totally draw a bee showing off the turkey it cooked all day, the bee should have a big grin. It's awesome. I love this. It'll be a huge seller."

Okay random, while flipping through images attempting to be inspired I found it. I am most likely the ONLY person that has looked at this image and thought, "Well, that would work."

Whatever, the damage is done.

Happy Thanksgiving. I can't believe we are here already. Sooooo, thankful. Hmmmm. I am thankful. I have so much.

House- love it and hate it all at once. It's cute, it keeps us dry and comfortable. It's expensive to maintain. It's always dusty. We are so lucky to have it. I like it, I love it, it's alright.

Family- We have family nearby. Mr. Handsome's family and my family live within 20 minutes of us. We are lucky. So many of our friends rarely see their families. Our parents are healthy and alive and available to engage their grandchildren. That's cool. Brother and sister-in-law are rocking in Southern USA. Wish they lived closer. Thanksgiving would be different.

Friends- love them. We have great friends. Jen and Ker, hilarious.....laugh out loud at 1:00 in the morning. Fuzz and LeeAnne are steady, solid and FUNNY! Hil and Jay, she's my personal physician. He's my social media guru. Their kids... my kids besties.

Pets- Emma is old. Old, old, old. I worry. She misses "That Naughty Dog." I miss "That Naughty Dog." Sheba, the cat with mange because she is too old to clean herself , is dear to me. I love her but honestly when is she going to kick the bucket?

Mr. Handsome and my children- probably should be at the top of the list. love his patience, his tolerance, his understanding that he's the luckiest lucker in the whole lucking world. Little bees.....Ladycakes - perfect. Q - challenging beyond challenging but just because he's perfect too. Elvis-hilarious, silly, strangely out there... but only because he's perfect.

Blog- I love my dear blog. I dig the folks that read, watch, wonder, question, criticize, encourage, laugh, point, barf or just show up. This is fun.

A few other things I am thankful for....Tervis Tumblers, Dansko clogs, Jolly Ranchers, Advil, Rubber Cement, gumballs, bird feeders, hashbrowns, Adam Richman, Seagram's 7, talcum powder, the ability to forget, a sense of humor, almonds, jeggings (not because I wear them, just because they exist and it's hilarious) Crest Pro-Health toothpaste, Phineas and Ferb and any kind of platypus, i phones, popcorn, slippers, corks, hot glue guns, words, spelling and playing with words, big televisions, imagination, very dark nail polish, loud music (Nelly is a fav.) ohhhhh, sooo many things for which to be thankful.

My family wishes your family a very happy Thanksgiving. If you are reading here, you some how relate and we relate right back at you. It's not always easy, we know. We live it daily. Here's to being thankful for what we have, it's way more than we realize!

Creative Happenings Here at the Hive

2010-11-14T18:57:00.000-08:00

I have been working on being creative here at the hive. It's not easy to fit it into the schedule but boy do I love to find the time. It's refreshing for me and good for the soul.

These are my alpaca felt bird ornaments. I love how they turned out. They are very sweet and are delectably soft. Peace doves and other birds. The felt comes off the felt machine using my mom's alpaca fiber. It is really fun to play with it.

Painted bottles. I have been working on these for a while. I love them. They are really fun to create and the results are fantastic. I will be working up 150 of these bad boys as wedding party favors for a wedding in Colorado. They will make an incredible statement. I can't wait to get started.

What do you like? What could I improve on? Is this stuff lame? Is it likable? Talk to me people. Talk to me!

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

2010-11-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

As of November 9, I have been posting this drivel for one year. Okay, it's not drivel. Some of it is serious. Some of it is just plain stupid. A lot of it is just plain indicative of this family's life.

I enjoy blogging. Sometimes I really struggle with a topic. Asking myself, "Should I talk about going to the grocery store, because that is really ALL I accomplished today?" or "Is cervical cancer an off-limits conversation?" It does require that I soul search a bit. But for the most part, I just let it rip. And rarely do I offer an "excuse me."

For my one year blogiversary, (I am embarrassed to use that word, I mean really blogiversary? Does Hallmark make blogiversary cards?) I got a present. No it isn't a notebook, or a sketchbook, or personalized stationary or anything paper. Which would be totally ironic since the only writing I find myself doing doesn't happen on paper at all. Hmmm. weird. Guess what I got?

I got a blogging job. I KNOW, crazy huh? Remember this? Well, out of 700 applicants, I was one of 10 chosen to blog for Park City Mountain Resort as a "Snowmama."

To say I am excited is an understatement. I am thrilled, exhilarated, totally psyched and over the moon. It is sure to be an amazing experience.

So to all of 15 friends out there (and I know a couple of you are the same person!) thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for commenting and encouraging and laughing! Maybe year 2 will be even more entertaining with less run-on sentences. That would be good.

Cheers, dears!

Get on that pig and hold on tight.

2010-11-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

For Mr. T. A man who inspires 11 to 12 year olds. God love him.

Add this to my Life Soundtrack because in a matter of 15 minutes I have heard it 330 times. Baby monkey, Baby monkey....I'll tell you, it's catchy.

Ghouls, Ghosts and Gumballs

2010-11-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

Ghouls (Mr. Handsome totally gets into it!) Hilarious.

Ghost. Pretty, shimmery, not too spooky ghost. NAILED IT! Thank you very much. She was so happy and grinned like this the entire time. If I run into a ghost, it better look just like this!

Gumballs. No better way to decorate than a TON of gumballs. Black, purple and green. Yummy and lovely.

52 people at our home that does not hold 52 people. Lots of costumes, fun and plenty of memories. Thank you all for showing up and making Halloween 2010 very memorable. It was so busy I did not take pictures of Elvis or Q or Mr. Handsome (the swamp monster 2) or myself (swamp monster 1.) We were too busy entertaining. That's okay. It was awesome.

on to more serious business. by golly it's November.

5 inches and counting.....

2010-10-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Meet "Susie the Ski-crow." She was one of 23 scarecrows I helped build at Q and Elvis's elementary school. It was an incredible, wonderful, enlightening and creative experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

I highlight Susie because as of this evening I have 5 inches of snow on my sidewalk. Yep I do. Uh, huh, it's true. I'm not kidding.

So, we are planning Halloween (oh yea, we are. The count for the party is currently at 50 and I'm sorry but have you been to our house? It so does not hold 50.) Don't tell Evite.

But, we are really planning skiing. What do we need? Who's feet have grown? Who is taller than they were last year, certainly not me! In fact, it's possible I am wider, does that count?

I'm saying "goodbye" to Fall. You were marvelous, full of wonderful autumnal colors. I will miss your reds, oranges and yellows. Hello white. You are here and here to stay. Most likely until April. Without pulling out the Christmas carols, I will welcome you. We are ready to enjoy the wonders.

Snow angels
Snow balls
Snow men
Sledding
Snow shoeing
Skiing
Brisk fresh cold air
A reminder of what it feels like to be alive
Like diving into the Atlantic ocean in the middle of summer.

Oh there you are my soul.

Welcome, Winter.

Pick Me! Pick Me! I want to be a Snowmama!

2010-10-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

I will go to desperate measures. Clearly, I already have! Hopefully this gets your attention. The Park City Mountain Resort has a great program where independent contractors (Snowmamas and Snowpapas) offer helpful advice and answer questions for families that are planning a ski vacation to the resort. It's located in my beautiful backyard and feel like I have plenty of advice to give. Those of you who know me understand that I am never afraid to offer some advice.

Skiing with my own children has becoming a fun family event now that all of us are potty trained and for the most part can blow our own noses! The big kids are almost hard to keep up with and Elvis sings his whole way down the mountain so he makes for good company.

We love working toward a hot chocolate or a beer (the beer is for me btw) at the end of the day. Mr. Handsome carries pockets full of Starbursts to keep us all motivated.

We feel so lucky to live in this beautiful place. It changes throughout the seasons and we greet each season with joy and a tiny bit of remorse. Can't believe another ski season is upon us....... bring it on!

Pick me! Pick me!

Saying Goodbye to a Friend

2010-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

He left us last night at 7:30. We loved him desperately. He was ours for only a year and half. He made a difference to all of us. Emma is heart broken. He was her soul mate. The one she woke up in the morning. The one she waited for at the bottom of the stairs. The one who shared meals with her. He gave her life.

He was my pal too. I loved him. I miss him and it's only been 24 hours. It sucks.

That Naughty Dog was our dog. He was the best and the worst and we loved everything about him.

Goodbye Titus, you know "Titus" with one "i".

Rest in peace sweet friend.

Rockport Reservoir or "The place teenagers go to drink beer"

2010-09-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

So, the river in the mountains was super fun. We felt like keeping the "outdoor time on the weekends" ball rolling and check out the reservoir that is about 15 minutes away from our house. My thought was it would possibly be easier to swim in because it was rushing down a mountain, perhaps just a smidge safer.

Well it turns out my kids won't swim in water that "smells like dead fish." Nice. Okay admittedly, it totally smelled like dead fish. I didn't see any dead fish but I certainly could smell them. Then, there were the deer flies. These things are nasty and persistent and totally ruin a fine picnic by smelly dead fish water.

I know what you are saying. "I thought you hive folk would love all winged insects." Uh, no. About an hour into our grand outdoor time at the local reservoir, I was beginning to hear the grumblings. The "I'm bored and ready to go" grumblings. Remember how we didn't yell at anybody when we were by the river in the mountains? There was yelling at the reservoir. We had to yell at Q when he dropped an enormous log onto Elvis while trying to throw it into the reservoir. We had to yell at Elvis for purposely knocking over a stone tower Ladycakes had built. There was yelling.

On a good note, we did our part and picked up 2 dozen beer cans that were scattered all around that dead fish smelling beach. It became a scavenger hunt of sorts. We did find some pretty cool drift wood that made awesome "weapons." We did see a cool drunk teenager-type structure.

We stayed about 2 hours. That's not too bad. We were pretty glad to get out of there actually. Next weekend we are going back to the river in the mountains. Or maybe we'll just go to the mall and buy skinny jeans and video games.

Add this to my Life Soundtrack. Kid Rock isn't afraid of a little dead fish. He'll even make love in dead fish. So there.

The Great Outdoors, where you can pee wherever you want.

2010-09-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's been our goal to spend more time outdoors. Away from the computer, the Wii, the T.V., the kitchen, the laundry. You know where I am coming from, we spend a lot of time indoors. We are not adverse to the outdoors. I love Mother Nature. But, I don't want our "outdoor" time to be mowing the lawn. Lame.

So we have ventured out lately. Here's what we have done.

Found an amazing spot, here in the Uintas. The Provo River. Perfect spot to play, imagine, read, bring your blood pressure down to a reasonable 150/92. For me, that's a good day!

The landscape is truly awe-inspiring. We played here for hours. We explored, had lunch. Explored, read some of our books. Explored, jumped in.....

First Elvis. Really? It's like 45 degrees. He's fearless or stupid. We're not sure.

Next Q. There were teenage girls within earshot. Need I say more?

Finally, Ladycakes. She lets the fools test the water. I am so proud of this girl!

Once they started, they couldn't stop. The rush was too much. They loved how cold the water felt, the fear factor was too much. They just kept jumping.

By the time we packed up, they were exhausted. Guess how many times we disciplined them (the boys)? None. How much bickering did we hear? None. Who said they were bored because "there's nothing to do!"? Nobody.

Being outside is good for everybody. We left exhausted, windblown, sun-kissed, muddy and very happy. We are pleased to live so close to this. We are very lucky.

Next came the reservoir. Well, let's just say they wanted their Nintendos. I'll fill you later. oy.

Elvis has left the building.

2010-09-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

K.
Where did August go?
September.
Approaching middle.
Me.
Clueless.
Just trying to keep up. This morning I made 3 meals (not 3 portions, 3 MEALS) in less than 45 minutes.
Rockstar? no. It's the Bear Necessities of Life.

Elvis is in Kindergarten. It's like throwing your child into a war-zone. Thank God for Brown Bear, Brown Bear. At least we are distracted by the colors we are to be wearing each day.

I'm working on painting glass. Designing scarecrows. Avoiding serious employment. I've missed you all. Visited you daily. Apologize for my absence.

I'd love to show off August, you know in September. It's my reminder of what was and what is not to be any longer. Perhaps I'll post August in September and then just ignore September and catch up in October.

Totally makes sense financially. Since I totally don't understand finances, I'm clearly on track.

It's what's for dinner.

2010-07-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Grilled Pork Tenderloin.
Marinade includes allspice, coriander, cloves, brown sugar, salt, garlic, ginger, lime and Meyers Rum. (It's gonna be good.)

Pineapple and Mint Chutney (oh yea.)
fresh pineapple
allspice
coriander
cloves
salt
jalapeno
garlic
ginger
brown sugar
lime

Wild Rice (instead of Quinoa, interesting?!)

Salad

Mojito.
Cuz, if you are making 2 parts of a meal that involve sugar, mint, water, rum and lime by golly you should be drinking a mojito.

A perfectly good way to waste a minute and a half.

2010-07-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Okay my lovely blogging friend, Carol, over at Songberries gave me a couple of awards. If I could print these out and tatoo them to my forehead I would, it's the gold star I needed this week. Thank you Carol! You're a keeper. The rules on this are that for The Versatile Blogger award you must tell 7 things about yourself and for The Beautiful Blogger award you must tell 10 things about yourself. So how about I just list 17 random things and you can un-follow immediately. Just kidding. You're gonna like what I share.

Ready?

Really, ready?

Here goes.

1. My nickname as a child was "Hotdog." I was a bit of a hotdog and totally shaped like one, plump.
2. My favorite household chore is organizing a drawer. It gives me a sense of control.
3. I have beautiful feet. Like foot model feet. Gorgeous.
4. Baking soda really does eliminate odors, it's my new favorite household cleaner.
5. I wish I had a huge white board wall. Like 18 feet by 20 feet. I would draw on it all day.
6. I once pierced my ears using nothing but a needle and an ice cube. It was before a Howard Jones concert.
7. I love The Tower of Terror at California Adventure. It's terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.
8. I own a sewing machine, an embroidery machine and a heat press. I strive to use them daily.
9. I want to be my mom when I grow up.
10. I am currently loving "Airplanes" by B.OB. featuring Haley Williams as music of choice. The Eminem version is great too.
11. Body and Soul told me that according to Ayurveda, I am a Kapha which just means I am a chubby "Earth Mother." And I like it. I'm only slightly chubby.
12. I remember my very first phone number like it's etched in my brain. Scary but fun to say, to myself.
13. I recently had dinner with Scott Wolf (hello, Party of Five) and his lovely wife. I have a picture to prove it!
14. I fear growing old.
15. I would like to have a "signature" perfume. Something my children will remember.
16. I have never been to Europe but I'd like to go.
17. I don't make my bed every day.

It feels good to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Oh say can you see....my house burning down?

2010-07-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

We had a groovy 4th of July.

It involved Marching Bands,

Bagpipes,

Mariachi Musicians,

and some thumpin' techno-dance bootie-shakin' stuff.

We totally horsed around.

We rubbed elbows with a bunch of crazy characters.

Headed home for dinner with great friends. Decorations ala kids! Thanks Paper and Cake for the free download!

Kid-made flag cake! Delicious.

Apple pie ala me and mode! Careful there, careful. This is a family-friendly blog and holiday.

Then we attempted to burn the house down.

God bless America!

BTW, a special thank you to all those men and women in the Armed Forces who keep us safe and allow us to continue to have our freedoms. Even if the freedoms are the above list. Here at the Hive, we respect and appreciate you.

Hope your day was fun.

Let Boredom Reign!

2010-06-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

Let's see. It's been how many days since school got out? Approximately 12. The weather here is still not super-summer-like. That means we have been doing quite a bit of indoor play. I do shove the bees outside but inevitably the wind kicks up and they are "cold" or it starts to rain and they complain that they are "wet." Wussies!

With boredom beginning to take it's toll on us, let's just say my resistance is low. I've let my guard down. I am not the tower of strength and creativity I normal proclaim to be. This is the conversation and sequence of events that may have snapped me back to reality.

Ladycakes: "Hey mom, we are kinda of bored."

Me: "mhmm."

Ladycakes: "You know how your said the boys need their hair cut?"

Me: "mhmm."

Ladycakes: "Can I do it?"

Me: "mhmm."

A few minutes later, coming from Ladycakes's bathroom. "BZZZZZZZZZZZZ."

As I wander in I find she has opened her own salon and 2 of my 3 children (thank God she isn't into cutting her own hair) had already become customers.

I didn't know how to react. This is my own damn fault. But wait, she didn't do too badly.

Turns out Mr. Handsome was kind of involved. He started on Q's hair. The problem with that is Mr. Handsome shakes when he cuts hair. We have laughed about opening a kid's hair salon, where "Shakes the Clown" could cut their hair. It would ruin children for life. Ladycakes took over once she saw Mr. Handsome's handiwork.

Elvis is loving his mohawk. I am tolerating it. If anything, every time I look at him it reminds me I need to plan an activity for the day before any more damage is done.

So this morning when this conversation happened,

Q: "Hey Mom, I'm kinda bored. Can I take the car for a spin?"

Me: "mhmmm."

Q: "Thanks, see ya."

Me: "Wait, what? Get back her Mister, go scoop some dog poop! And get me another cup of coffee!"

Ahhh, summer. I promise we will survive!

Last Day of School! But wait, I'm not ready!

2010-06-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

So.... sorry for my absence. I have been busy with musical performances, totally lame preschool graduations, last minute assignments, a Renaissance Faire, a new job, allergies, felt making, "what the hell are we having for dinner"ing. And, a random orthodontist appointment. So nothing really. Just kidding!

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Happily, we do not have any snow in the forecast. You laugh. I cry. It's been a long "sprinter" and no, that's not a mis-spelling. It's been Spring and Winter here. It's LAME!

I love teachers. They amaze me. I was a teacher. But, I didn't understand the power, the influence. I knew it but didn't appreciate it from a parent's perspective. NOW, I understand. You people are amazing.

I am that parent that makes shit. I make a present. I like to make presents for people. I think about them the entire time I am making their gift. I also like to receive handmade gifts. Okay, I'm a weirdo? NO!

Hopefully, next year, the teachers aren't saying "Do you have that Q kid and his brother Elvis, cuz their mom is a handmade gift giver! Sorry for you. No Starbucks gift certificate. No $10.00 Visa card. It's all handmade. Oh good luck with that!."

Here's this year's. I like them. I am proud of them. I hope the teachers agree and appreciate how much time and love I understand that they put into every day. I get them.

The bottles are an entire different post. It, unfortunately, dives heavy into my psyche. We'll do that later.

I have painted them Added a tag. Will then add flowers. I love these people, they deserve paint, flowers and felt.

Here are some more photos....

Close up of gold heart.

A message to each teacher. With flowers. Such cute flowers.

Thank you teachers. Thank you moms. Thank you dads. Thank you for incredible public education. Thank you Spring. We are ready.

Hold on to your seats, it's SUMMER!

If the Three Stooges were into pottery, their names would be Pinch, Roll and Slab.

2010-05-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday, Ladycakes and I met two other Mother/Daughter Teams at the Kimball Arts Center to take a little hand-built ceramics class. Ladycakes and I were giddy. Together we would construct a birdhouse from clay.

The woman who taught the class makes amazing birdhouses that she sells at a local gallery. We had seen them before and were thrilled to be learning something new.

The girls listened intently, the instructions seemed to go on forever. All we really wanted to do is get our hands on some clay. And once that happened........

We got serious! It was fun to just let the clay do it's thing, which was the instructor's advice. As she said, "Listen to the clay." Here is our creation once glazed and pre-fire.

The proud artist, who was less than pleased that we couldn't take it home immediately. Pottery is a nice lesson in patience.

These are our wonderful friends. Turtles took up residence on their birdhouse. It was adorable.

Karen and her daughter made this beauty. I love the poppies on the sides and the perch they added.

So today, I picked up the finished product. Ta Da!

It turned out so cool. Nothing broke off in the firing. The glaze looks great, it's tough to tell when you are painting it on.

Taking a class with your child is enlightening. We both learned something new, we worked together and it was a blast. I highly recommend it. Now we are turned on to pottery and Ladycakes wants to trying a throwing class. I say bring it on!

Is PBR causing my BPV?

2010-05-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've been a terrible friend. I apologize. My posting has been infrequent. My posting has been unpredictable. It's "peri-posting." One doesn't know how to diagnose it. It's frustrating and sweaty. Actually, not so sweaty but wait totally sweaty for all the wrong reasons. Read on and you will understand. I've been uninspired and over-scheduled. I think perhaps I've used just about every adjective that describes my generation. Yikes, it's come to that.

So. BPV? What the hell is that you ask? Here are some thoughts...
1. Baby Post Vacation
2. Bubbly Poetic Voice ***
3. Bossy Pushy Visitor
4. Bodacious Popular Vest
5. Blissfully Punk Vixen ***
6. Bottom Planted Violet
7. Blinding Planet Vector
8. Beautiful Peaceful Voyage ***

*** these indicate possible explanations for my situation. I like to think in a weird way these kind of explain my character.

However! BPV stands for Benign Positional Vertigo and hell yes, I've got it.

It sucks. I am super dizzy and it makes me feel sick. Awful. It won't last forever. Thank goodness. But for now, I have to actually explain, "I'm not walking like this because I am drunk, I am super dizzy for other reasons and watch out, I might throw up on you!"

I'd rather be drunk, that I enjoy!

Please, because a little laughter goes a LONG way, offer what you would describe as BPV. I must know! I miss all of you in a very weird way. Dizzy as I may be, I still like all of you!

And, btw PBR probably doesn't help my BPV but Holy Cow, have you met my TYA5?

Peace out and bed spins used to mean I was drunk!

Hope your day doesn't involve breakfast in bed....it's just messy!

2010-05-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

This is my Mother's Day loveliness. Mr. Handsome and I found these shelves at our local Recycle Center. For $2.00 a piece, I couldn't pass them up. After a little sanding and painting, I have just what I wanted and needed. This is my honey pot collection. It's something I have been working on for a few years. It's something I will continue to work on. Some are old (I love these the most) some are new (It's fun to find ceramic artists that make honey pots.)

My honeypots have been hiding in the pantry. Now they are out for all to see and for me to dust. Along with the shelves, the black amethyst pot on the top shelf is new (to me.) It's beautiful and unusual.

Tomorrow we hope to be outside, hiking and just enjoying each other's company. It is such a privilege to celebrate this holiday. And, have it be about me. I feel so lucky and loved.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there. Enjoy your day, it's all about you!

A GIVEAWAY that all the cool kids are signing up for!

2010-04-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

Remember how yesterday I mentioned my "stacking" attempt. It was fun, I'm doing it again today.

Allison is having a GIVEAWAY! over at her blog www.stacksofstyle.blogspot.com.

In order to get started on your own stacking, you should head over and comment. Let her know I sent you!

And if you WIN , you have to let me know. CHECK HERE!

Go. Go. Go now. I mean it!

Showered, mascara-ed and totally stacked. Oh yea I am.

2010-04-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

So today I decided to bust out some style. I try. It doesn't happen everyday. It's my goal to make it happen more often. I have a style mentor. Do you? Her name is Allison Dayton. She's a jewelry designer and screams "style." It comes naturally. It looks effortless. I have known Allison a LOOOOONG time. We went to college together and made our mark on Greek Row (we both hail from the Kappa Kappa Gamma house.) Oh shit, now you know too much.

Allison makes beautiful jewelry. She gave me a piece as a gift. Mr. Handsome bought me several pieces for Christmas. I bought a few more at an open house she had....I would have bought more but I am working on gluttony. One must know when to restrain themselves. You can't have it all right away, Jen! Mellow.

Okay, sorry. Back to this. I have always admired Allison's style. She stacks jewelry like it just jumps onto her wrist or neck without even thinking about it. I have always loved wearing a lot of bracelets. When I was in college I had lots of crazy, inexpensive silver bracelets from Mexico. I wore them ALL, ALL of the time. You could hear me coming from a mile away. It was my style.

Please go visit her. You are going to love what she does. What sucks even more?! She has a beautiful house, a charming husband, lovely children and get this....she's NICE! Oh yea, I said it.

There she goes again with the "felt" and now she's talking about rainbow trees? This woman's a loon.

2010-04-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

In my own obsessive compulsive way, I find myself heavy in the thoughts of felt. Felt this, felt that...felt, felt, felt, felt!

Awhile back I ordered some felt online to play with. Just to get a feel for what sewing with it would be like. That crazy Martha Stewart had a pattern for a "shopper" type bag that was a free download so I thought that might be a quick, easy way to start. I am all about the instant gratification. It's terrible.

Some other breaking news, I love color. I obsess about color. I color coordinate the books on my shelves. And since the felt I purchased was just plain ol' green I decided it needed some jazzing up.

So I sketched out a tree and started cutting out some leaves. Traced those little fellers onto the felt with a fabric pencil (I've secretly always wanted to use my fabric pencil but never seemed to find a reason.)

Cut the trunk out of some brown cotton, leaving an allowance so I could fold the edges.

With an Exacto knife, I carefully cut out each of the leaves. Felt cuts beautifully with an Exacto knife, especially if it's a new blade. Now I have a bunch of little leaf pieces that I can use for another project. Lord knows I DON'T THROW ANYTHING AWAY!

Pinned the tree onto the bag and sewed it. Added some free sewing details to the trunk to give it some character. Then got busy sewing the leaves. I placed each piece of fabric from my color spectrum behind the cut outs and sewed them on top. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker but once I started sewing I stopped photographing. I struggle with doing both!

TA DA! The finished product. It's a rainbow tree. It turned out great. Coulda just made a plain green shopper but NO.....had to take it up a notch. It will be a great book bag for the library books or a reusable grocery bag. It will definitely get used.

And btw, Happy Earth Day!

Gaston College + The Felt Loom + Alpaca Batts = 2 Giddy Gals

2010-04-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

I have returned. Back from an amazing trip to Charlotte, North Carolina. The trip began with an oversold flight which resulted in First class seats to Atlanta and a travel voucher. So yes, you could say it started out great.

The whole purpose of our trip (my mom and myself) was to learn more about the Felt Loom. This an amazing machine that does needle felting. We have one on order and it is due to arrive in May. This class allowed us to use the machine for several different applications and get a feel for how it works. It was taught by the Felt Loom creators Lanette Frietag and her charming husband, Don. We transcended onto Gaston College and spent the day "playing."

It was so much fun! At one point I found myself jumping up and down like a little kid, I was so excited.

We started with a wet felting project and used the Felt Loom to pre-felt. By doing this we could cut down the time it takes to wet felt. The results were marvelous and took a fraction of the time it normally takes. We were using alpaca batts and roving to make the examples shown below. You would not believe how soft they are!

The second project involved needle felting onto silk. This is where I got silly excited. Again, fantastic results and so many possibilities. It makes an already restless mind go wild. Below you can see the loom. Lanette and Don invited the darling woman who coordinated our afternoon to join us in making a silk scarf.

Here Lanette is holding up my silk scarf with alpaca felted designs. We thought it could make a very interesting window treatment.

Our final project was to make a felt vest but unfortunately we just ran out of time. We had so many questions throughout the day that we spent a lot of time chatting. We did not leave disappointed and cannot wait to get our machine.

Once our website is up and running I will be sure to link you all on over to it. We are very excited about this new venture in alpaca felt. Like I said, the possibilities are endless. Glad you are along for the ride.

It's weird, like I am totally forgetting something. Should I be worried?

2010-04-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

Hi kids. Sorry I've been "post-lacking" or "pslacking" as they are calling it. Just kidding, I made that up! And, I have registered it. Totally mine now. Right. So anyhoo.....

I have a ton to do because I am heading off on a little adventure with my Mother tomorrow. Heading to North Carolina for a felt-making class. This is where we will be introduced to the felt loom that will be arriving in Utah in May. SO EXCITED.

On my list today, make a card for the daughter of a friend who has been diagnosed with an extremely rare auto-immune disease (Behcet's disease) She's young and sweet and should not have to deal with this and a card is nothing but it's what I can do for her. She's lovely and I hope my little card will make her smile.

Oh yea, fairy and umbrella and little bird. It's quite cute and totally for her and I hope she knows that we are thinking about her. But weird, there's something hanging over me. It's heavy and on my mind.

I should be doing real chores, not spending WAY too much time on handmade cards. But I love making things for people I care about and really, what matters more? Not ironing, God Lord, not ironing. It's so low on my list it's ridiculous. However, there is something. Nagging. Itchy-like. Ugh, what could it be?

I've decided what I am taking wardrobe-wise to N. Carolina. It's hot there, I've got to dig out my "hot" clothes and I am not talking my little black dress. Work clothes and work shoes. But in the meantime, I had to fry (sorry cute organic friends who follow an awesome diet that some day I might join in on) some eggrolls for Ladycake's World Language Class. They are studying Mandarin Chinese ( uh huh!) and this is her joint project. But still, that crazy feeling that there is a deadline. A looming deadline, that I may have missed.

But in the meantime, I am wasting tons of time blogging about all of it. As if you care. But I know you can help me.

What am I missing? Honestly, it's driving me nuts! It's there, I feel it right there in the background. It's teasing me. What the hell, should I have done something today? I just can't get my head around it!

Hope today wasn't too taxing for any of you. I'm off to North Carolina. I'm gonna learn how to make some felt ladies and gentleman. Watch out, here I come!

Why was the baby ant confused?

2010-04-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

We decided to seek Spring. Head to a lower elevation and find us some Spring, damn it. A bud, a blade, a nest, SOMETHING. Found it. Found it!

He was at the beginning of our journey. Needed to get his head out on the highway and breathe in some Spring air. Like a dog in a car, he was loving every minute of it!

You can see the snow on the mountains in the background, but Spring is showing by the river.

See the algae in the river? So green.

Interesting seed pods. Ready to bust....really cool looking.

Kids "pretend" fishing. On a rock, in a river. Awesome. So happy.

The answer is.... because all of his uncles were ants. Get it? See title and revist. All of his uncles were ants. Hilarious.

I've lost that lovin' feelin' (over Spring Break)

2010-04-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

Because it did this for most of our Spring Break....

We decided to rise above it and do this....

Get it she's a "gardening snowgirl." Whatever. Now the dogs are afraid to go outside because of the big scary snowman. I believe that I have mentioned both of the dogs weigh well over 100 lbs. EACH!

After having just about enough outdoor time we headed off and did this.....

Nothin' better than cheap bowling and a beer to solve the Spring Break blues.

An alpaca steps into a mill, goes through the picker and comes out a batt.

2010-04-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

So a few days back I mentioned something cool was coming.....and then life took over and 3 days went by and I was all "oh no, I left them hanging and again, I have failed. I've let THEM down!" Now I know you are a forgiving group and actually weren't hanging on the edge of you seat, or maybe you were? I tend to hold people to stuff and am easily disappointed, so now I'm just projecting. But back to the cool stuff. Ready?

Last week, my Mother and I ventured out on a little field trip. Off to the edges of a county I rarely explore. We were off to see a mill. A what? A mill. A what? Okay, let me explain. A mill is a place where raw fiber (in this case, alpaca) is processed. This mill processes the raw fiber into yarn. Lovely yarn. We are not here for the yarn.

This was the first machine we met, it spins the processed fiber into strands that are then woven with another strand to make yarn. It is one of the last steps in the process however it was an interesting place to start.

The operator of this mill was making a "chunky and funky" yarn on this pass and you can see it here. Not particularly even and quite lovely.

Here we are seeing one of the first processes, once the fiber has been washed. This is "The Picker." I know what you are all saying, "Oh there's a kid in my kid's preschool that is called The Picker." This takes this gnarly mess of fiber and removes dirt, vegetation, you name it that didn't come out in the wash.

It is shocking how the fiber comes out.

Can you believe how fluffy it's become?! Now through the comb. This prepares the fiber to head to the carder.

Meet the carder. This one is is awesome and big.

Here you are seeing "a web." This web is rolled onto itself to make a batt. The batt is what we came to see. We are here for batts.

Here are the finished product batts. They are soft and fluffy and scrumptious. These are alpaca batts. They will become alpaca felt. What? Alpaca felt. Did you say alpaca felt? Oh yes I did.

Stay tuned for more info. I told you it was exciting. Told ya. Told ya!

Hippity Hoppity Hippity Hoppity, Easter's on it's way. Oh Shoot, it's here and I've done nothing!

2010-04-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

It's Easter tomorrow and I've done nothing. The little bees claim to believe in the Easter bunny and I am failing them. I have the stuff but just haven't gotten around to assembling baskets and eggs and blah, blah, blah. I did make an AWESOME casserole for brunch the Gramma and Grampa Bee. Soooooo, that's somethin'!

The dying went well. I had enough glasses to hold all of the dyes. Don't drink that, it's not for drinking. And yes, we went with the brown eggs.

Ladycakes is totally old enough to take charge of these projects. I get them set up but she takes it from there. It allows me to photograph and sit back as the quiet observer. It's quite fun that way. They figured out the math on how many eggs each had to dye. They took it slow and waited until the egg was done to "perfection." It was nice not hearing my voice telling them what to do and how to do it. I'm notorious for that.

And look what they come up with. Lovely. All on their own, photographed by moi'. No barking, no "you should do it this way." None of that. And btw, brown eggs do dye "richly." I'll do it again. Guess what' s on the menu this week?

Egg Salad.

Happy Easter, friends.

This is not how I intend to celebrate Easter!

2010-04-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

This happened today. THIS! Really? Enough already. Q actually said, "I THOUGHT it was SPRING?" And, uh yes, he wore shorts to school. The boy thinks he can fool Mother Nature. It's not spring. It's winter. I plowed 10 inches of snow off the driveway today. And, I am bitter. I thought Easter was about new, kicky sandals, springy skirts, pretty pastel colors (aside from all of it's "religious" stuff.) How do you have an Easter egg hunt in THIS?

I mean really! You are NOT going to see any little spring birdie birds bathing their little feathers in that bad boy. No Sir.

We are going to dye some eggs. Trying brown because there is a rumor circulating that they really give off a "rich" color. Plus that's what we eat and I had them in the fridge. Although I am considering just hucking them out into the snow and encouraging the little bees to "just go for it." It will make the hunt last longer that's for sure.

And while I'm at it, for April. My One Small Change is right here.

This is awesome, I found it clicking here and then clicking there and then clicking again. Find it yourself and join in.

Some cool stuff to show tomorrow. Tune in.......

Two years later, I am a little closer.

2010-03-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, Q received these awesome baseball pins and patches for Christmas. The miniature bat dates back to Mr. Handsome's childhood. For two years, I have been relocating these pins and patches trying to figure out what to do with them. I wanted to frame them but holy cow, have you seen the price of framing? And, I figured I needed a shadowbox, which I instead used for my craft swap! Duh!

So, I decided to get on this project. Honestly, two years? I bought a frame at Wal-mart, which I hate to admit. And removed the glass. Using an old Atlas, because did I mention I hold on to EVERYTHING! I came up with a "mat" of sorts.

Okay, obviously Massachusetts because we are dealing with the Red Sox here. We are fans. This looks good just by itself. Why haven't I been using this Atlas that I have had since 1985!

Next I tied in the bat. Foam-core behind the mat makes this possible. Stuck in the pins and glued on the patches. It makes for a very nice art installment. Easy and if I had ordered it from Pottery Barn it would have cost $98.00.

Okay, so now you should ask, "Jen, how does it look hanging in Q's room?" And, I will answer, "I don't know, it is currently propped on the floor next to his bookshelf." Which is probably where it will be for the next 2 years. One step at a time.

2010-03-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, I was having United States Postal Service anxiety. I am a bit of a control freak with the need for immediate gratification. Born in 1969, there has to be something to that. I was sure that the bad attitude of the Postal worker who handled this precious package a week ago, who had an attitude that you would not believe, was a serious problem. Shocking! A customer, because sorry, if you show up at the post office you are actually a "customer" asked to use a pen. A pen, the post office doesn't supply them, "because people steal them." REALLY? The postal worker offered a pen, begrudgingly, and said "As long as you give it back."

Fer reals, this is how we talk to customers? It is SO ANNOYING. And of course, I commented, because I cannot let that kind of behavior go, it should be called out and recognized for it's LAMENESS!

Well, after commenting to the awful postal worker,I made fun of what he said, because you don't talk to people like that and handing over my precious creation I began to worry.(He was terribly nice to me and check the link for why I think this is the case. ;}) Long story, short. It arrived. She liked it. I am so happy. She's terribly creative and I am excited to follow her blog, cuz she does cool stuff. Check tifandtheboys.blogspot.com

Thank you so much Urban Craft for making this happen. This was a great first time craft swap experience. I'll do it again. I loved it!

Tired of waiting? Well wait no more!

2010-03-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

The big reveal. I made you wait a full 24 hours. I can't believe I had the self-control to wait. I have been coveting my swap item. So here you go.... check this out!

Isn't he AMAZING! He is a Cloud Seeder tree from this Meomi inspiration. The craftsmanship is remarkable. Not only is he super cute but he is quite mischievous. Look where he's been in the last 24 hours.

Here, he is reading an Octonauts book. He was thrilled to see we have them in our collection.

Studying the globe. Turns out he's a geography nut. Who knew?!

Climbing out of my purse. He had been going through my wallet looking for some spending money. Fool!

I found him in the refrigerator this afternoon. He was hoping for an afternoon, caffeine pick me up but he doesn't drink "diet." He claims the Nutra-sweet leaves a funny taste in his mouth.

He decided to check the pantry. I think he might have eaten a whole box of Chicken in a Biscuits!

He feels very at home here. And, The Cat said she doesn't mind giving him a ride every once in awhile. I think they are going to be good friends.

In all seriousness, I love this. Karen, you rocked it. He will live a long and happy life Here at the Hive. Where he will reside is yet to be determined. Maybe my studio, maybe on the mantel above the fireplace. Maybe on our bookshelf. Or maybe all over the place.

I love him!

I am in AWE! And could become a Swapaholic.

2010-03-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

This package arrived in my mailbox yesterday. The anticipation and excitement was overwhelming. It was like Christmas morning. Ladycakes was home from school and could hardly contain her excitement as well.

In my effort to avoid receiving a "You suck at blogging" Award, I photographed the next step. Look at how cute this postcard is, straight from the Vancouver Olympics. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering at top speed at this point. On the back of that postcard? The nicest note from none other than Karen from Urban Craft, you know the gal who organized this swap. Oh yea, I said it, THE ORGANIZER! All I can say is, how did I luck out? What stars were aligned on that day? And thank God I didn't have to send something to her! So are you ready? Wanna see? Wanna See?

Well, I'll show you tomorrow!

SPOILER ALERT! If you are Tif from Beaverton turn back now!

2010-03-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

As promised I am sharing my creation for the Craft Swap I am participating in, sponsored by Urban Craft.

Of course, I have mentioned it was a Meomi inspired craft. If you don't know Meomi, you don't know craft. I was going to say shit but that seemed inappropriate. I will admit. I didn't know Meomi before doing this swap and I am hooked. This is my kinda stuff. I LOVE MEOMI. The illustrations are ridiculous. The colors are incredible. If I studied art (why didn't I study art?) I would have studied this brilliance. It's happy, smart and cute. I love the cuteness. Sooooo.....without further ado.....here is my craft swap swapiness.

This is my paper/fabric collage of my interpretation of The Octonauts. Here I have constructed an Octonaut Aquarium.

This photo helps give an small example of the dimension, there is dimension, I swear! And, that bottle in the front...it's special Octonaut food. Yummy.

This is the back. It follows the back of the Meomi books with a cute little message. This has been super fun for me. I love the challenge. I hope Tif loves it too. Fingers crossed?!

Erin Go Braugh, and then I ran an errand and bought a bra!

2010-03-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

St. Patrick's Day was eventful in an uneventful way. Aside from the normal schedule, there were a few side trips. Check it out.

Elvis's preschool was totally "green" for St. Patrick's Day and went to our local Recycle Center. It happens to be one of my most favorite places. The pack rat, creative sort loves this kind of place. It is a world of endless possibilities.

We saw a rainbow of caps and what not in one particular bin. This makes me so happy I could cry. There a million things that could be done with this "garbage."

Then, we went back to school and had these cuties. Thanks to Pink and Green Mama and her genius. These are amazing, easy and " wow" kids and adults alike. Thanks for sharing!

Recycling and Rainbow Jello Rock my World. Just call me Kermit!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I Double-Dog Dare You!

2010-03-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

The other night I actually Double-Dog Dared my friend, Jamie. An AMAZING photographer whose work I love and respect. She bought a crazy t-shirt but was worried about wearing it. She needs to embrace her inner t-shirt-wearer and wear it proudly. Let me give you a couple of examples of how you do that.

Example #1

Now this is a thrift store t-shirt I couldn't pass up. Man shirt yes. But it's AC/DC and worn so it's like old AC/DC and it was two bucks....so you buy it, right? Right.

And then, if you have a shirt like this, you can ask your husband to photograph you acting like a fool, or yourself. Mr. Handsome, you make me look emo-cool. Thank you darling!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I double-dog dare you to take that Edward Cullen shirt and wear it baby! Wear it like you stole it. Which I know you didn't!

">And by the way, I'm back in black, hit the sack, I'm glad to be back!

And please don't judge me by the size of my fingers! ;)

Crafts, Bikes and Carrot Legs

2010-03-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

So I am wrapping up my craft swap project. Initially it was to be framed in a black shadowbox frame but I just wasn't feelin' the black. Too harsh for those sweet little Octonauts. It was a nice day today so Elvis and I broke out his bike and my spray paint and this girl got busy.

I also got started on a couple of lamps I found at the thrift store. I failed to take "before" pictures but they were ugly and will look better. I'll show them when they are complete. But check the frame. Nice, no? It will be SO much better.

Elvis rode his bike. Yes we still have snow. Quite a bit. But today gave us a glimpse of Spring, I can't wait.

Now onto a totally unrelated but "happened today so I will mention it" subject. This is why I like helping with dinner. Mr. Handsome is the chef in this house but I occasionally offer up some suggestions. Tonight we went with a Tikki Masala Curry. My suggestion and I thought adding some veggies was a good idea. Being the sous-chef at the Hive I am in charge of chopping etc.

Look what I came across!

Oh yes, those are carrot legs ladies and gentlemen. Gorgeous, crazy carrot gams. That carrot is one "tall, drink of water." They didn't make it into the curry, I am saving them. Hoping that some vegetable swap might show up sometime soon and I can construct a body for those legs. Rutabaga breasts. Radish cheeks. She will be the hottest vegetable in town. This is why you should eat your vegetables!

Va, Va, Voom for Veggies! It's a whole new campaign.

May Potty Talk Reign!

2010-03-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

I didn't die. Seriously. I'm still here. Totally uninspired but ALIVE! That's good right? The breathing part, not the uninspired part. It's still Winter here and is going to become even more wintery in the next few days. I'm tired of Winter. I need the freshness of Spring. I have a few ideas but can't quite get them in motion. It goes back to the uninspired part.

In the meantime, I am hoping to go help Elvis's preschool class construct these bad boys! Q had some creative writing to do and was stuck. The theme was "How do you find a Leprechaun?" I tried prying out of him facts about Leprechauns. They like.....? They look like....? They are what size? It was like pulling teeth. Then I remembered, "Oh yea, yer 9 and a boy. You like gross stuff." Quick backstory, my bees believe in Leprechauns, we celebrate our Irish heritage, they BELIEVE in these little bugggers. So in an effort to get Q to finish his homework, I suggested a little unknown fact about Leprechauns.

Did you know Leprechauns fart rainbows? They do.

The 9 year old was suddenly inspired. He finished his homework. Battle Won!

Break out the Gross Guns, Mothers! They work. Bring on that which is inappropriate and the appropriate behavior suddenly appears. Love and Logic ain't got nothin' on this philosophy. May potty talk reign!

Swaptacular Craftasm or Swap Fever

2010-03-02T17:16:00.000-08:00

So the Swap. You know, the one I mentioned. The Meomi inspiration swap. I got me some swap fever. I decided today was the day I started. Stop dragging my feet. Stop worrying that my item won't turn out. It's not a competition, Jen just get started.

So I pulled out all of my paper. Which btw is way more than I remember having and clearly my hording needs to be professionally diagnosed. Found just what I needed in my stash. I am going with a paper and fabric collage. Throwing in a little high-tech use of my heat transfer machine and hopefully everything will come together. You can see The Octonauts in the background. They are my inspiration. Cute little characters that I wish really existed. I would love to have a fish tank full of Octonauts. Way cuter than a sea-monkey.

This is all you get of it today. There will be more.

Love in an Elevator, can I see you later and love you just a little more?

2010-02-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

A weekend spent at Macy's is a weekend for the record books. Okay it wasn't a weekend it was an hour on Sunday, but it felt like a weekend. Oy. Here's me making funny faces into the mirror in the dressing room whilst Q modeled "skinny jeans" for Mr. Handsome and Ladycakes. Why do I get stuck backstage? Totally dealing with the fray! My opinion doesn't matter. It leaves me making funny faces in the mirror and photographing them.

Okay, skinny jeans for Q. Boys dig the skinny jeans. It's crazy fun shopping for these bad boys. Check the teal! #1 on Q's list. We did remind him that some 3rd graders might find the teal skinny jeans a bit "flashy" but he's willing to deal with the ridicule. I am raising my own Stephen Tyler, (hopefully without the drug abuse) but my boy has a rock 'n roll attitude. I love it. I have it but don't know how to show it. The teal skinny jeans rock my world.

So rock 'roll. Look how cute that boy is. Now if the skinny jeans affect his school work the shit's coming down. Mama's takin' those jeans and making you wear khakis. But boy, you crack me up. I love the swagger those skinny jeans give you. I'll keep that swagger in check but a little swagger goes a long way.

Elvis insisted on getting his own skinny jeans. Red and black. Oh my Hell it's AC/DC at it's finest. And he's 4. Wow! Hilarious. They rock those skinny jeans, my boys. Ladycakes scammed some Roxy sweatpants because she has figured out I'm a SUCKA'!

We saw great art this weekend. The Kimball Art Center is amazing and offers terrific exhibits. We are so lucky being in a small town and an incredible art community. We checked out this exhibit this weekend. 4 to 79 (years) enjoyed it (we saw it with grandparents, but everyone enjoyed.)

Pictures check them.... there is SO much to this exhibit. It's full of themes and has so many strange contradictions. It's political, religious, contradictory, incredible.

I love the fact that men and boys can be creative and flashy. I learned that at the art exhibit and the skinny jean shopping. Boys and Men have a lot to express. And, their expression should be celebrated. I love what these incredibly creative people do, it's brilliant.

GO SKINNY JEANS!

I should all over myself today. It's terrible cleaning up your own should.

2010-02-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

The boredom today was mind numbing. Killing me, mind numbing. I did NOTHING today. NOOOTHHINNG. It was pathetic and frustrating. Above is a small example of the lameness I deal with, is it Sonic or is it Phinneas and Ferb? And how does any of it matter? Is it curing diabetes? Any of you who have any cause should be disgusted. I am disgusting. I swore I wouldn't mention it but I suspect a few of you have had similar days. They happen. Elvis has a double ear infection so we hung today. He could have been at school but I'm lazy and full of excuses. We hung out and now I am ready for him to leave and go to college. It's been a long day.

I mentioned my swap at Urban Craft. I am totally in a crazy frenzy over what to do, what to do! I could sew. But, I am having a fabric, felt, paper collage thing goin' on. It's over-achiever at it's finest. In my mind it's great. But fer reals? Ladycakes is all in my face over this. She wants to quit 6th grade and join the swap. She has all sorts of ideas. Some good, some annoying. She's gettin' in my shit. I'm 40. I'm allowed to have a hobby. She needs to concentrate on math, World language, social studies, etc... not being me. Good Lord.

Tomorrow I am attempting to get back to a thrift store that had a cool white lamp I'd like try to make more of, but will have to drive more than 5 miles and did I mention I'm lazy.

I've got a crazy fun felt collage going on but don't have a camera that has a battery. Clearly, professional blogger or professional anything, I ain't.

I just signed up for the Professional Should'r Contest. No one Shoulds like I Should!

I might try making a "Should on Yourself "diaper. Totally green, totally made in America, totally craftactular. It could come in all sorts of sizes. Petite, Small, Small Medium. Medium, Medium Large, Large, Large Large , Extra Large.

Tomorrow I promise to be Should-free. Thanks for listening.

If I drank Chardonnay at lunch, my house would be prettier.

2010-02-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

It must be February. Today I have been wandering around my house trying to figure out how to make it look entirely different. I want to totally change it up, go with different color schemes, buy all new furniture, make it bigger and totally eliminate any sign of children. If I have to try to figure out how to incorporate Ninja Turtles, Playstation remotes and the random blue or green nail polish bottles and hair bands into my decor for much longer I am going to lose it.

We still have quite a bit of snow. Spring isn't springing here. I have a ways to go before I can get out of my Winter funk and move onto my Spring mania. You know the time where I start planning the garage sale I swore I would never have again! So I went out looking for some inspiration. Here's what I found that is turning me on and sure to make Mr. Handsome roll his eyes and walk away.

Note the absence of any Ninja Turtles.

I particularly like the fact there are not puppy-sized fur balls collecting in the corners.

It's just so clean! And fresh.

Notice there is no T.V. in this room, therefore no Playstation remotes.

I absolutely LOVE those red chairs, that no doubt the owner found while searching the local

antique store after she had finished a lovely lunch with her girlfriends where they drank Chardonnay

and talked about the vacations they have planned for this summer. I hate that bitch.

Oh and look at this charming table she found. Love how there isn't a day-old (still full of yesterday's garbage) lunch box, a pair of dirty socks, 2 winter hats, the mail, 2 dog leashes, a cupcake wrapper and the car keys covering it.

I might just start moving furniture around. It would make me feel better. I might even unearth Donatello. He's been missing for weeks, he's probably hiding because he hates February too.

Mr. Handsome says, "I've had enough hick for one day."

2010-02-20T17:28:00.000-08:00

We needed to get out of the house today. I've been cooped up for a few days and the kids needed to see something other than the TV on or the Playstation in action. Mr. Handsome rallied us to get moving and we headed out to the RV Show. Huh? What did I just say? Did I say RV Show? Uh huh and yep and you betcha!

This is a first for this swarm. We weren't sure what to expect.... it's huge. Tons and tons of RV's. We would love a tent trailer, which is not fancy. We saw fancy. We live in a beautiful place where camping is something we could do every weekend. A tent trailer would make it fun and comfortable.

Now you can look at about 5 to 8 RVs, the fancy ones (which btw cost upwards of $40,000!) and then you start to feel like you have seen them all. Q couldn't take it anymore, Elvis wanted to get his face-painted. That's a whole different post. So in order to keep the little bees interested we started looking for faces. Not REAL faces but faces on the RV's. It helped.

Cool. We survived. It was either faces or tacky t-shirts. We saw a baby with a t-shirt that said "If you think my daddy's an asshole, just wait until I grow up." This is a community we are considering joining. So proud. Watch out, I might be able to wear a mean mullet.

Okay on a whole different note, look at this. You could win this. And if you do, I will come and steal it from you.

Pillow Factory Alphabet Down Filled Pillow GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Thankfully, my audience is friendly and generally doesn't say anything.

2010-02-19T13:22:00.000-08:00

Elvis is under the weather. Poor kiddo. The bees have been off of school this week. I can guarantee that come Sunday evening both of the big bees will have come down with whatever little bee has. (Terrible grammar there I know, but it's 1:40 in the afternoon and everybody is still in their jammies watching Wow Wow Wubbzy. Clearly order and rules are not applying to any aspect of my life.)

My big kids always get sick during a school break usually the day before they have to go back. At first I thought they were faking but usually it's a true blue illness. Someone should do a study and then pay me for letting my kids be test subjects. I could use the money.

Look at him! It's pathetic.

Okay but enough about that.

I don't think I have mentioned that I am participating in a craft swap. First ever. I am losing my craft-swap virginity and I even told my mom about it. She's quite proud. So Urban Craft is having a swap with the inspiration being the Olympic mascots and their creators. Meomi.

So today in my email I got the name of the person I have to send my item to (there I go again with the bad grammar.) Maybe instead of a craft swap, I should take an online grammar course. Anyhoodle.

So now I am freaking out. Stalking my recipient on her blog to see how crafty she is, has she won any craft awards? Like Crafter of the Year? International Super Crafter? She Can Craft and Parent at the Same Time Award? Seriously, what if she works for some cool craft design company and is on an assignment to find America's Worst Crafter? And then what if she picks me?

Here's the deal, I totally pressured my friend over at wifemotherexpletive to join this swap. I figured misery loves company. I secretly hoped our names would somehow be drawn to swap with each other (because THAT could really happen) and then we could laugh together and not embarrass ourselves. Although I suspect Miss WME is a great crafter who is just hiding it from all of us!

So I gotta get on this thing. I have to send it by March 20th. I'll share as I work on it. Probably all on March 19th. Just kidding.

Off to wipe a nose and dance along to Olivia.

Cheesy? Perhaps, it's how I roll.

2010-02-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

I've been known to be a bit obsessive. Shocking? Nah?!

But once I get a bee in my bonnet (so to speak) it buzzes about until I've driven the rest of the Hive cccahahaaharrraaazzzyy! Luckily, Mr. Handsome is tolerant (aside from the fact that he's hot), it's definitely one of the reasons this whole chestnut works so nicely. He indulges me. You'll understand once you see the rest of this nonsense. I know, go with a brand and just embrace it. But really? Really? Should I be SO committed?

Oh yes, I should!

And then, yes I did!

But wait and what and then huh? and what?

But excuse me a minute, that's not it. That's not enough. Let's take it a step further. The kid's aren't totally bugging the shit out of us.....

So let's drive a little bit further and see if we can indulge Mama Bee just a smidgen' more. I think it can happen, oh yes it can happen.....

OH YES IT DID !

So, the Beehive Cheese Co. in Uintah, Ut. Rocks my world. Delicious? yes. Local? (for me) yes. Such a great idea, oh my goodness and an amen yes. Two retired men, choosing to keep on keepin' on and therefore making amazing cheese, award-winning cheese. It will knock your socks off, blow your mind and then tickle your pickle. You are gonna love this. Go, Order, Indulge, Digest and then do it all over again.

I LOVE CHEESE!

For those wanting to check our new family theme song. Check it, Check, Check, Check it. 1, 2, 3, 4.....

Add "Imma Bee" sung by Black Eyed Peas to my Life Soundtrack.

A funny thing happened on the way to the bleachers......

2010-02-15T19:33:00.000-08:00

Sounds like the beginning of joke, I know. But you are not going to believe this. Mr. Handsome and I took the little bees up north this weekend for a swim meet. First swim meet for the bees, so we stayed the night in a hotel (it was actually a motel, which tripped them out because you "entered from the outside.") and made it into a little getaway. According to Elvis, we stayed in a "Mo Hell" which it wasn't, it had been updated but it still cracked us up.

Okay back to the point. The kids were on deck all warmed up, ready to compete and Mr. Handsome and I headed to the upper level to find a spot in the bleachers. Elvis was tagging along and we were shlepping coats, toys, backpacks, you name it into the 88 degree upper deck of this swimming pool. I was totally overdressed and at this point sweating a bit. Suddenly I hear, "Excuse me? Excuse me?" coming from behind me. At first I thought it was someone getting ready to tell me my youngest bee had already broken some sort of rule. So I turned around and standing there are these two lovely women.

This is what follows.....

Lovely woman #1: "Excuse me, hi."
me: "Hi."
Lovely woman #2 stands quietly next to Lovely woman #1 and smiles.
Lovely woman #1: "Hi. We were just wondering, do you have a blog?"
me inside going "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. yes I do! I sure hope you like my blog or else I am going to be super embarrassed."
me after getting control of myself: "Yes I do."
Lovely woman #1: "Hi I'm Carol."
me to myself: "I know Carol, she's one of my followers. Carol recognized me. Carol writes really cool stuff on her blog. I AM MEETING CAROL!"
Lovely woman #2: "Hi, I'm Jennie, Carol's daughter."
me, trying to wipe the sweat off of my nose and gain some composure: "I am so glad to meet you!"

How does this happen? I met someone who reads my blog! I met someone who's blog I read! This is CRAZY! Needless to say it took me about 30 minutes to pull my shit together, I was so excited. I visited with Carol quite a bit. She's charming. Her kids are darling. Jennie, her oldest daughter is adorable and now I am reading her blog. You should too. The weekend was really fun. Meeting my blog friends was an added bonus. Do think it will ever happen again?

If this meeting is anything like the next one could be, I sure hope so. Hi Carol. Hi Jennie.

Teacher Gifts...you know they deserve it.

2010-02-10T16:09:00.000-08:00

This is it, I promise. Enough with the Valentine's already. Elvis's party is tomorrow and I think I've mentioned before his teachers are a great bunch. I got to know them quite well during the lockdown, if you remember. He has one teacher for his little group but there are 7 teachers total in the school and they really help ALL of the children.

Teachers too often get overlooked. So many parents take them for granted. I know because I was one. There is a lot of expectation for greatness from teachers but then little reward (aside from seeing these little people learn and grow, I'm talkin' goods here people!)

The moneytree is buried (and by "buried" I mean gasping for any signs of life) under a bunch of snow (and by "snow" I mean bills galore) Here at the Hive, so I was working on a tight budget. Here's what we came up with.

We headed over to TJ Maxx and got the Maxx for the Minn. Oy.

24 colorful washcloths..... $9.98!
7 assorted shower gels.....$4.99!
Sucking up to Rewarding hardworking teachers....priceless!

And because I ALWAYS have to take it one step further, here's what I did. I combined two washcloths, the ribbon all of the washcloths were wrapped in, some pom poms I had in my stash and made some cupcakes. Cute, no?

Wrapped in a cello bag with a shower gel and a fancy hand-drawn cupcake tag and it's done. Cross it off the list. I gotta start thinking about St. Patrick's Day.

A Valentine Collection Box and some Valentines. Totally last minute!

2010-02-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Q's class is celebrating Valentine's Day tomorrow. His teacher is brilliant. She decided if they did it mid-week the kids wouldn't be totally annoying the WHOLE week. I like the way this woman thinks. Needless to say we've been procrastinating on Q's Valentines. Do we go with a Mario theme? Different cards for the girls? Lovey-dovey vs. Masculine? Sooooo many decisions.

Here's what we came up with. First stop the collection box.

After I cleared off the kitchen table from our breakfast. Just kidding, this is not what we ate for breakfast. This is the garbage recycled materials, we used for his collection box. I cut open the Doritos bag and cleaned the remaining cheese residue off, leaving a lovey, shiny and very workable material. Q wanted to use aluminum foil but we are on a budget!

Turns out the Doritos bag works better than foil because it doesn't wrinkle like foil. A much cleaner look. We wrapped the Sprite box with the Doritos bag using shipping tape.

And boy howdy, look how slick it is! Next we added some construction paper and pipe cleaner decorations. And some calendar pieces Mr. Handsome was throwing away recycling.

Doesn't it rock!? We are very proud of this little masterpiece. Easy, didn't cost a cent to make and will hold TONS of Valentines. Now on to the Valentines. While wasting time doing research on the Internet I came across this brilliant idea by Alyssa. I couldn't resist so we went for it.

First you take a picture of your Valentine subject, here sporting the always popular Randy Moss/Mario look. Have your subject hold his/her fist out in front of their body.

If you have Photoshop (I do not) you can add some words onto the picture. I instead copied the picture into a Word document and added the Valentine message. I wanted to have it read "You are what you eat!" note the Dum Dums also in the picture but that was vetoed. Print out the pictures with message and cut to the desired size.

With an Exacto knife, cut a small slit at the top and bottom of child's hand and slide a lollipop through the slit. Isn't it cool? Totally looks like his hand is coming off the page. It's easy and does not take a lot of craft supplies or talent.

You should totally make these today.

I'm a Scrappy Crafter, which is better than a Crappy Scrafter.

2010-02-07T17:30:00.000-08:00

I am aware of my thrifty ways. When crafting, I like to use what I have or find what I need in the discount bin. I just love that challenge. The materials I chose to use for Elvis's Valentines are just that, what we had and what I bought at Big Lots, just because I knew some day I would use it. Elvis is still young enough to let me be in charge of his Valentines. I love that. The control is exhilarating! Next year, it's all him.

I love using scraps. I've mentioned it before. The scraps inspire me. Here's what we started with. Scrap packs of paper, I only use the colors I have, it's part of the challenge. Foam pieces which are quite fun. Not only do they add dimension but they can be whatever you want them to be.

Next, a little robot drawing, easily copied on the good ol' printer.

Coloring each was therapeutic for me. I love to color.

The robot is coming together, now what would a robot say on a Valentine? Sadly, I spent way to much time trying to figure this out. Finally I settled on text speak. It's what all the kids are doing today.

Clever? Probably not but I'm pleased with the message. Elvis has 9 Boys (oh yes I said 9 boys, his teacher is a Saint!) in his class. These needed to be boyish. If you need other great boy ideas, follow that link. We are leaving the lovey-dovey stuff to Q. Or as we are referring to him lately, "Romeo."

A shout out to Urban Craft for the heart in cartoon-speech balloon. It just worked perfectly. So one child is ready for Valentine's Day. Q has some work to do including a Valentine mailbox, we have a good idea. I'll share it tomorrow.

In the meantime, robot love is quite nice. I'm feeling it.

Add "Robot Love sung by Allison Iraheta" to My Life Soundtrack.

I'm pissed, I think I'm Country Living Cool. I'm wrong.

2010-02-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Can't tell from this photo but I'm pissed. I have all of these great post ideas and NO TIME to photograph, choreograph, style, alter and then re-do all of it.

Then my ideas are out there on everyone-else's blogs. So clearly my ideas aren't original. But my personality, all mine.

So question? (as Dwight Shrute would suggest) How do you have time to photograph the art project/craft project you want to show off? I'm usually so busy gluing that photography is scary! I risk getting stuck to my camera.

Tomorrow I will offer my Valentine craft with pictures for your approval (all 2 of you.) Robots and love can be quite sexy. You'll see.

Seize ya' in the manana!

Madeleine's Pins make me very happy. Jewelry and Politics do mix.

2010-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to try reading. My reading often involves just looking at pretty pictures. I'm a visual one. Words? Love words. Love to play with words, twist words, change words....but sometimes reading them takes too much effort. I tend to like words for their visual aspects. Someday I will discuss that further.

Wanna know what I'm reading, do ya', do ya'? Please say "yes." because I'm going to tell you regardless.

Let me start by saying, I am not political. Meaning, ask me about politics and I'm wishy-washy. Firstly, it SO doesn't interest me. In my humble opinion, politics are ridiculous. It's totally corrupt. It's "bait and switch" it's "I've been sold a bill of goods!" It's darn right silly. I don't think my vote counts. I live in Utah and tend to vote the Democrat-side of things (I just ruined my chance at several job applications, if those hiring happen upon this here blog.) I am not a devote Democrat. I cannot commit like that. Secondly, I think politicians are slimy. A bit criminal, as wishy-washy as me. So, not willing to commit. Maybe I'd be a great politician (without the slimy, criminal stuff)!

But this book makes me very happy. This is my kind of politics. It's politics but it's also jewelry. And covert communication (I LOVE COVERT COMMUNICATION!) Jewelry, educated-creative-covert communication?! This woman rocks my world. Rocks it! There is so much about this read that I dig. check this quote....

"Naturally, not every diplomatic encounter demands a sunny attitude. If I wanted to deliver a sharp message, I often wore a bee. Muhammad Ali used to boast that he would "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee"; my message was that America would try to resolve every controversy peacefully, but if pushed into a corner, we had both the will and a way to strike back." page 93 Read My Pins by Madeleine Albright.

So that's one of the books I'm reading. I'll introduce another book in the next day or two. Check this one out at your local library or just buy it. You'll browse over it for hours. And, then scour thrift stores for some costume jewelry of your own.