Courtyard Marriott, Bacardi Rum and a Bromine burn. Plus, where the hell is Kerry?

Mr. Handsome and I had quite a weekend.  The children were involved.  The Utah State Swimming Championship took place and we endured all 3 and 1/2 days.  In Provo, Utah.  Go ahead, Google it, Provo, UT that is.

Mr. Handsome was a swimmer.  I was a swimmer.  We swam together in high school (the bullfrogs).  I saw him in a Speedo.  He saw me being a dork. (This all should be read to the tune of "Froggy went a courtin' and he did ride Uh huh." *my dad played guitar and sang this to us :special: )  Oddly enough, his Speedo and my dorkiness all happened in the same place 25 years ago.... Mr. Handsome has been re-living it more than I care to remember. (and no we weren't there in 1965!)



 We didn't fall in love in the pool but we both love the sport.  LoVe came later.....

Okay not about me or him... our children.   We spent the last 3 days watching our 2 Big swim like I have never swum.  Is swum a word?  Both of our kiddos showed a competitive spirit that is thrilling.  Maturity that is mind blowing.  Atheleticism that I envy.

Then there were the other parents, oy.  See her, in the picture above?  She's there in the back.  We LOVE her.  Not only do we love the sport, we love the team.  The kids are amazing, they cheer for each other, socialize, act like kids together.  The parents support ALL of the kids.  We cheer, we scream, we rejoice and we share disappointment together.  I dig these people,  we dig that lunatic in the picture above.

I cannot explain in words how proud I am of my children.  Little (Elvis) handled a very long weekend with grace and patience and a hell of a lot of "Zumba" juice.  Ladycakes rocks being 13....it's not easy in case you can't remember.  Q was a champion with a drive we enjoyed experiencing.  It was mind-blowing, watching your kid bring it.

My hope is that all Moms and Dads find something their kids love and they love too.  Lucky?  You bet we are.

That lady in the background....we love her!

It's not my fault so please don't trip.

I listen to XM Radio for a good portion of my day.  I'm in the car a lot and I tend to listen to the "20 on 20" more than I should.  It's a bit addictive and I end up singing along to songs that aren't really age appropriate.  I went through some old CD's today and I really should be listening to those.  LL Cool J, Luscious Jackson, R.E.M.  Instead I'm karyoke-ing to Miranda Cosgrove, Ready Set Woe, and yes, the occasional Lil' Wayne.

While driving with the family yesterday,  a song came on and I announced that it was my new "theme song."  Everybody shut up and listened to the lyrics.  Then all of a sudden, there was a huge burst of belly laughter from the back seats.  All three offspring were laughing hilariously.

I am so proud of my ability to make my children and myself laugh.  There is nothing funnier than making fun of yourself.  I happen to be really good at it.

Below is my new "Theme Song."  It's catchy.  Just try to not sing it to yourself, or do....... it will make feel silly and happy.  and maybe beautiful.






Add "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson to my Life Soundtrack.

"I know it's 11:30 at night but I only have one more question" (and it's a doozy) says 10 year old son with more charm than whoever is the "most charming man" according to US weekly.

So we have been encountering questions.  With 3 children, questions come at us a mile a minute but lately I've actually been paying attention.  Not that I don't usually pay attention.  But "Mom, do we have any juice?" or "Mom, where are my underwear?"  are just not real questions anymore.  It's background music.


So a few questions Mr. Handsome and I have fielded in the last few days:

1.  "Mom, when are you going to get paid?"

2.  "How do boats catch on fire? They are on water."

3.  "Hey Mom?  When do you think you might have some money?"

4.  "Don't you think a fast skin swim suit might hurt my crotch?"

5.  " Mom. What's a condom?"

Uh, I don't know?  Might be the answer to ALL of the questions.  However, I do know what a condom is.  Mr. Handsome busted one out to answer this question ( and if you have been following for a year or so, we don't need these so yes, a new question is in the arena.)

6. "Mr. Handsome, why do you have condoms?"

Kidding, I was thrilled he had one and we did show it to Q and then made Ladycakes look at it, actually I threw it at her and she freaked out.  Then, we talked about it.  This is where I am....this is where I am.  Luckily, I kept my maturity in check and didn't make a dirty balloon animal out of the condom.  Mr.  Handsome and I need to talk......... :)

Not my proudest moment.

So the littlest and I went out for a snow shoe... and some sledding.   Took the new puppy and snowshoes and a sled and a mom who was questioning her decisions the minute she stepped out the door.  But that's what Moms do...

Took to the path and listened to Elvis bitch about walking to the sledding hill.  "It's too far."  "I'm so tired."  "I can't go anymore"  yadda, yadda yadda.

So we walked with puppy.  It was stressful with all of the puppiness and 5 year oldness.  But we arrived here, ready to sled.  Sled we will.

Elvis hiked this bad boy-self and sent his shit down like no other.  Run #1 AWESOME!  It was fast, furious and crazy epic.  Standing at the top of this hill, I was in awe.  Mr. Handsome was on his way over with Ladycakes, I called on the cell and asked him to bring Elvis' s helmet.  This hill is epic, he needs a helmet.

As Mr. Handsome and Ladycakes approached, Elvis wanted to take run #2.  He was ready.  On his game.  I mentioned before pushing him down the hill, "Bail if you need to.."  *note to self 5 year olds don't know what" bail if you need to" means..I SUCK.

Fencing consists of barbed wire and re-bar posts.  The blood you see, my child's.

He wasn't wearing a helmet.  We couldn't wait the 5 minutes for Dad to arrive.  He slammed into the above fence.  Luckily, he hit the side of his head not his face.  He's fine.  He has 5 staples in his head and will be just fine.

I'm  a wreck.  Mother of the Year, I'm out of the running.  I'm so proud of my brave little man but question my own decisions.  He still trusts me and for that I wonder if perhaps there wasn't a brain injury.

I love him.  I'm sorry.  I'll do better.  I promise.

Another VD (Valentine's Day) comes and goes. And I feel great.

I remember when Valentine's Day was important to me (college).  I waited for it with great anticipation.  I wondered what I would "get" for Valentine's Day.  I hated Valentine's Day.

It's a weird holiday.  I am a romantic.  But not really.  I think I might be a little to practical for romance.  I kind of feel like you should be romantic all year round.  But that's cliche.  I do not practice what I preach because life takes over.  And since when have parent/teacher conferences been romantic.   The last time I took my car to be repaired, hardly romantic.  Scooping the kitty litter.  not romantic.

I love watching my kids discover love.  Crush like love.  But a little love none the less.  I love watching my kids celebrate their friends.  Loving their friends.

Happy Valentine's Day.  However you celebrate, with whomever you celebrate.  I love love.






Add "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles to my Life Soundtrack.

It's a weird cloud. And, it's gross.

Q decided to be the one to talk in the car today.  Didn't ask me to shut Ernie D down, Q allowed a little background music.  I think it was Pink singing "Raise Your Glass" playing on Radio Disney.  I LOVE PINK and I love that song.  But on Radio Disney.  Hhhhmmmm.  But again, I digress.


So Q had a revelation at school today.  Thank God (wait not thanking for the revelation) my kids go to school.  Clearly they are getting all sorts of shit out of it.  And ladies and gentleman, it is not just the 3R's.  Which again, 3R's (Reading, yes, Writing, uh no,  and Arithmetic, totally no in the "R" arena!)  Again....sorry.

Revelations and not of the religious kind.  Q experienced something we have ALL experienced.  My experience involves an airplane.  Oh yea baby.  Q was on the playground.  Doing what 4th graders do.  Acting like dorks.  Just kidding.  Playing football, picking their noses, acting cool around the cute girls and then crying when they don't get their way.  An adorable bunch.

Q walked through a fart.  It was a first for him.  In his words.....

Q:  "Hey, you know how people fart just randomly."

Me: "Yes, that is kind of how it happens."

Q: " Well, today when I was on the playground, someone must have farted."

Me: " Really?"

Q: "Yes, because I was out there and I walked through something that smelled disgusting.  It was a fart cloud."

Me: "Right on, so you had a good day?"

Let's go ahead and add "Raise your Glass " by Pink to my life soundtrack because....why wouldn't I?

It's like baby, baby, baby whoa...... and then I buyed some stuff.

While driving to pick up the big kids from swimming, Elvis asked me to turn off the radio.  No more Radio Disney, as much as we love Ernie D, enough already.  He had some stuff to talk about.  He's become quite the talker, although not at school according to the information we got at yesterday's parent/teacher conference.  But, I digress.

The Scholastic Book Fair coincides with Parent/Teacher Conferences at our school.  At your school too, I imagine.  The same people that put toys in the grocery store and candy at the check-out, schedule the Scholastic Book Fair during Parent/Teacher conferences.  Yes, we use it as a bribe.  We are no better than the other parents at our school.    Elvis is super in to the Book Fair, first experience with retail shopping while being educated.  It's like Heaven for Elvis, he's a shopper.

A lot of the kids bring "their own money" to shop the Book Fair during recess, yea right "their own money!"  Elvis got to experience two of his classmates acting as consumers.  Both girls, shoppin' away.  Buyin' shit.

So Elvis says to me while we are driving in the car, " Itzel and Jessica buyed stuff at the Book Fair today.  They buyed posters with their own money.  We got to see what they buyed in class."

I say to Elvis, "What did they buy?"

Elvis says, "Well Jessica buyed a poster of a horse.  But Itzel, she buyed a poster of Justin Beaver."

I responded, "Wow, She BOUGHT a poster of Justin BEIBER?"

Elvis quickly replied in a very judgemental tone, " Yea!  Can you believe she buyed Justin Beaver?  I mean really?"

Whoa.  Justin Beaver has a contract with Scholastic.  That kid is rich.  I just wish the poster was actually a beaver with Justin's stupid ass hair.  I would have totally buyed that too.

Guess my date night with Elvis to see Justin Beiber's new movie IN 3D!  is a bust.  He is so not boughting that.