The one where I use my noggin and don't go to Hell.

I have a list of to-dos that could wrap around my house about 30 times.  I cross one thing off and then add 5 things.  I know I'm not alone.  All of you out there deal with the same stuff.  I actually have become more lenient on myself.  A few years ago, if I didn't get a birthday present out in time, I was probably going to Hell.  Seriously, in my mind there was judging..... lots and lots of judging.

Well, that's where today's story begins, a birthday present.  And you thought it was where I was going to Hell, silly you.

My darling nephew is turning one year older TOMORROW.  Look what's sitting on my ironing board.  Yep, it's his present.  And guess what, I have to ship it.  Yep, it's gonna be late.  But, that isn't even the real story.  Look at that cool Skylander (as seen here) and then a stack of candy which any good Aunt would send, then look at that snazzy boyish, yet hip gift bag.  No licensed characters.  Just a great combo of turquoise and red.  Complimentary colors.  Yum.

Well one cannot have a gift bag full of Great Gift, if there isn't tissue paper to fluff it, stuff it and make you work for said gift.  It breaks gift wrapping rules in some universe.  My universe.

Solution?  Indeed.

I came home with the infamous Target plastic bags.  Apologies to my friends out there who remember to take their reusable bags into the store.  I am not one of you, I forget.  EVERY TIME.  I love that bullseye design.  It's just nice and graphic and WAIT! the colors are perfect for what I am doing.

Armed with my scissors, I cut up those bags and created my own pieces of "tissue paper."

NICE!  The remaining parts of the bag will go into the shipping box as packing material or will be recycled tomorrow curbside.

The package is stuffed, fluffed and ready for delivery.  The gift tag is obviously a paint swatch/color sample.  Turns out it works beautifully.

I cannot wait for his gift to arrive at his doorstep.  He won't care that there is "tissue" paper but I do.  Happy Birthday, Roman.  Don't eat all that candy in one sitting and welcome to the addiction that is Skylanders.  It's my way of torturing your Dad.

Mature and intelligent Capricorn, represented in the zodiac by the goat, boasts a great sense of mental stability and many admirable qualities. (HA!) Capricorns, those admirable people born between December 22nd and January 19th, are practical, patient, forward thinking, confident individuals who carry with them a deep sense of purpose. (Seriously?) This ambitious earth sign is in store for quite a few surprises in 2012 along with one well deserved success after another. (Please say Yes!)

42.  It's arrived.  Not in full force, but it's here.  So, I do what I do.  You read.  Welcome to my 42nd year.

1.  I probably spend too much time on my computer. But somehow it seems appropriate.

2.  I have incredible boat etiquette.  Which is weird because we are not really boat people.

3."Hey, Mom."  is a phrase, introduction, beginning to a conversation, that I hear more than you can imagine.

4. Like Jason Derulo, if I were a popstar, I would be tempted to start every song I perform by yelling my name, "Jennifer Tyler!"

5.  Dinner is always a challenge.

6.  I strive to have handwriting like an architect.  In fact, I love creating my own fonts.  With pen and paper.

7.  I had dreams of being a lavender farmer.

8.  I get great pleasure from re-organizing a drawer.  Any drawer.  It gives me a sense of control.

9.   My favorite aisle in the grocery store is the cleaning product aisle.  There is always a new scent or product being introduced.  I'm a sucker for countertop spray.

10.  My children will all be taller than me and that makes me so happy.

11.  I fall asleep quite easily.

12.  I would love to have a small cottage decorated in a "shabby chic"  kind of way.  Like a playhouse but to scale for an adult.

13.  Moss is really beautiful.  I love the color and the way it feels.

14.  Speaking of moss, if I were a Smurf, which I would love to be, I would build my mushroom house on a moss patch.

15.  I DO NOT watch scary movies.  I just can't.

16.  Twitter has become my new challenge.  I am learning to use it slowly everyday.

17.  An emerald cut diamond is in my future.

18.  I love to watch my children swim.  They are amazing in the water.

19.  I should take some classes.  Photography.  Pottery.  Cooking. Accounting.  I need to continue learning.

20.  Planning parties is quite fun for me.  I tend to go overboard.

21.  See's Bordeaux candies make me smile.

22.  I like to be creative but at times I am embarassed by my creativity.  

23.  I never intend to make people feel inadequate.  That is one of the most hurtful things you could do.

24.  The numbers in my house address add up to 24.  I like that.

25.  I've often gone over in my head, "if my house was burning how would I get everything important to me out."  It's an awful thing to think about.

26.  At some point in my life, I would like to have a circus themed birthday party.  According to #26, I probably shouldn't plan it or elephants might be involved.

27.  My husband has become more handsome over the years.  He was a hottie when we got married.

28.  Sadly, I find some reality tv entertaining.  Hoarders.  Gross but totally entertaining.

29.  I love to dance.  Karaoke scares me. But I love to dance.

30.   I have no time for politics.  It pisses me off.  It's frustrating.  I think our government is a bunch of rich people who only give a shit about their own agenda.  Now you say, "NO DUH."

31.  I worry I will never be as successful as my parents.  Will my children feel the same?

32.  I only had 2 children when I was 32.

33.  I am proud of Here at the Hive.  I believe it's a nice representation of me.

34.  We feel lucky to have our parents around.  To have parents that are still living is a gift.  Mr. Handsome and I recognize this.

35.  I have met an amazing bunch of people.  In a weird turn of events I was invited to be part of the Snowmamas.  And in that, my life has changed.  in a great way! 

36.   I ordered a peppermint frappuchino the other day.  I drank half of it and then realized the calorie count.  The half I drank was delicious.

37.  When I was 13, I hated the idea of having boobs.  At 42, I love the idea of having boobs.  I will help my daughter feel the same way.

38.  Wind scares the shit out of me.  I. hate. wind.

39.  The ability to write a thank you note, actually write, with your own handwriting, is a dying art.  I insist that my children have that ability.

40.  It's the new 30?  Really?  That seems weird.  Why can't it just be 40.

41.  I feel more grown up this year.  I am easing into the new 30's.  I think by the time I'm the"new 39"  I'll have my 40's figured out.

42.  Being a little more selfish, it's what I'm considering as my gift to me.  I'll work on it.  But loving everyone around me, it's a priority.

Thanks for sharing today with me.  It make my day just what it should be, the very happy part of being alive.  Happy, Happy.

Your ability to concentrate in spite of distractions is impressive. External events will be more easily ignored than internal mental chatter, but you shut out both in favor of finishing something that is very important to you.

41.

yes, 41.  December 22.  I should buy The Beatles on Itunes because I am just that old.

Some things.

1.  I love my children's laughter.
2.  Old fashioned calendar/planners make me very happy.  Pencil it in, you bet I will.
3.  Toe-socks.  Socks that look like mittens but for your feet, don't love them.  A bit weird, to wear and to watch those who are wearing.
4.  I drink a lot of milk, especially in the morning.  I love drinking milk.
5.  I hate the grocery store, unless I am by myself.  By myself, I can manage the grocery store.
6.  Having gumballs in your home is welcoming.
7.  In 5 years, my life will be entirely different and I worry about that.
8.  I would love to have a manicure weekly.
9.  I swear too much.
10.  I love dogs, cats, birds, squirrels, moose, dolphins, you name it.  My mom is to blame and to be thanked.
11.  I have an amazing knowledge of Pop Culture.  I can't decide if I should be embarrassed or proud.  Probably embarrassed  but oddly enough I am proud.  i.e. Nick Lachey will probably not get married over New Year's.  Oh  good Lord.
12.  I can make a gift in a matter of minutes.  I have enough stuff to make a really great gift in 30 minutes.
13.  I have never stayed in a hotel with a 13th floor.
14.  I love a really good grapefruit, especially if it's really cold.
15.  I'm a fan of Eminem.  I appreciate his anger and expression.
16.  Star Trek the Next Generation used to be cool.  It's still okay.  Kind of.
17.  I love the way my Elvis uses prepositions.  Totally wrong but so confidentially.
18.  I want next year to be better than last year.  I hated last year.
19.  Lola and Delilah make great dog names.  I'm sure of it.
20.  Teasing is ugly and doesn't make anyone feel good.
21.  Facebook fascinates me.  I am not sure if it is healthy, but this might not be either.  Social media is intriguing and I pledge to learn more.
22.  You are my favorite number.
23.  I make fun of "The Today Show" on a daily basis.  Seriously, it's ridiculous.
24.  I can be creative with food.
25.  I am lucky my parents are still alive, so many people I know cannot say the same.
26.  I love to shovel snow.  It's hard work but I love it.
27.  Perming your hair is a bad idea, I've done it at least 3 times and the results are never good.
28.  Receiving a compliment is something I am still working on, the reception that is....
29.  I wish I could give my husband everything he wants.  I would love to give him a new kitchen.
30.  Speaking Spanish would be very helpful.  I never really learned to speak Spanish.
31.  I like to roll coins.  Collect the coins, count the coins, roll the coins in papers.  It's really old school but totally soothing to me.
32.  I wish I wore clothes that were "high style, fashioned forward, haute couture"  but clogs, jeans and down vests seem to be my go to style.
33.  I love people.
34. I've lost my sense of organization, or perhaps I've gained a sense of perspective.  The order that used to matter seems less important.  or maybe I've become lazy.
35.  I am a peace keeper.  It's exhausting.
36.  I don't remember being 36.
37.  If a kid needs to throw up, I will offer up hands-cupped.  I will.  I can.  It's just throw up.  It'll wash away and holy cow, kids need that.
38.  I love to ski.  I would never have said that until now.  I have the time, the equipment, the perspective.  And, I'm not a bad skier.
39.  I am looking for my passion.  (Aside from my children and my husband, I am passionate about them but beyond that, I need a boost.)
40.  Having a pap smear annually is incredibly important.  Please do it every year.  If your insurance doesn't cover it (why wouldn't it) do it anyway.  It's embarrassing, it's mildly uncomfortable, it's an inconvenience.  However, if you don't do it, you could be in trouble.  Please.  Do it.
41.  Starting over is possible.  Changing everything can happen.  Taking control.  Yes, it can happen.  I am going to.  I need to.  I am old enough to make great things happen.

Happy Birthday. to me.  New year, new.......

Hey Mom, Are you thinking about making a Turducken? Nope, I'm not.

* See that question mark up there.  Pretend it's a cartoon bee preparing to carve a Thanksgiving turkey. It's a smiling bee and deliciously roasted turkey.  It's totally random..... now, go ahead.  Read.

I'm probably so not supposed to be using this image.  You know because it's so cool and it makes so much sense.  Can't you hear the creative department, " We should totally draw a bee showing off the turkey it cooked all day, the bee should have a big grin.  It's awesome.  I love this.  It'll be a huge seller."

Okay random, while flipping through images attempting to be inspired I found it.  I am most likely the ONLY person that has looked at this image and thought, "Well, that would work."

Whatever, the damage is done.

Happy Thanksgiving.  I can't believe we are here already.  Sooooo,  thankful.  Hmmmm.  I am thankful.  I have so much. 

House- love it and hate it all at once.  It's cute, it keeps us dry and comfortable.  It's expensive to maintain.  It's always dusty.  We are so lucky to have it.  I like it, I love it, it's alright.

Family- We have family nearby.  Mr. Handsome's family and my family live within 20 minutes of us.  We are lucky.  So many of our friends rarely see their families.  Our parents are healthy and alive and available to engage their grandchildren.  That's cool.  Brother and sister-in-law are rocking in Southern USA.  Wish they lived closer.  Thanksgiving would be different.

Friends- love them.  We have great friends.  Jen and Ker, hilarious.....laugh out loud at 1:00 in the morning.  Fuzz and LeeAnne are steady, solid and FUNNY!  Hil and Jay, she's my personal physician.  He's my social media guru.  Their kids... my kids besties.  

Pets- Emma is old.  Old, old, old.  I worry.  She misses "That Naughty Dog."  I miss "That Naughty Dog."  Sheba, the cat with mange because she is too old to clean herself , is dear to me.   I love her but honestly when is she going to kick the bucket?

Mr. Handsome and my children- probably should be at the top of the list.  love his patience, his tolerance, his understanding that he's the luckiest lucker in the whole lucking world.  Little bees.....Ladycakes - perfect.  Q - challenging beyond challenging but just because he's perfect too.  Elvis-hilarious, silly, strangely out there... but only because he's perfect.

Blog-  I love my dear blog.  I dig the folks that read, watch, wonder, question, criticize, encourage, laugh, point, barf or just show up.  This is fun.  

A few other things I am thankful for....Tervis Tumblers, Dansko clogs, Jolly Ranchers, Advil, Rubber Cement, gumballs, bird feeders, hashbrowns, Adam Richman, Seagram's 7, talcum powder, the ability to forget, a sense of humor, almonds, jeggings (not because I wear them, just because they exist and it's hilarious) Crest Pro-Health toothpaste, Phineas and Ferb and any kind of platypus, i phones, popcorn, slippers, corks, hot glue guns, words, spelling and playing with words, big televisions, imagination, very dark nail polish, loud music (Nelly is a fav.)  ohhhhh, sooo many things for which to be thankful.

My family wishes your family a very happy Thanksgiving.  If you are reading here, you some how relate and we relate right back at you.  It's not always easy, we know.  We live it daily.  Here's to being thankful for what we have, it's way more than we realize!

They don't get cheaper by the dozen.

 
It's Ladycakes' 12th birthday.  A dozen years since she was born.  It seems like yesterday.  It seems like a lifetime ago.  12 year olds are hilarious and scary.  They are still little kids but there is a glimpse of maturity.  It's a sliver of a glimpse but it's there.

For her birthday, the two of us went and had a pedicure.  I used to tell people I was a foot model.  Seriously, I would say that my feet were the feet they saw in Dr. Scholl's ads and they believed me.  We loved getting our piggies painted together.  I can't believe she's mine.

Ladycakes, you are amazing.

Ladycakes is one of the kindest young ladies I know.  She's careful with her thoughts, her words and her actions.

Ladycakes is driven.  Since the moment she was born she has been driven to be the absolute best she can be.  It may take a lot of effort but she never quits, she slowly and diligently conquers anything.

Ladycakes is creative.   She sees colors like no other and wants to create.  She needs to create.  She can draw and I am so jealous.

Ladycakes is quiet and reserved.  She is not the one who needs to be the center of attention.  She has incredible self-control when it comes to her personality.  Again, I am jealous.

Ladycakes adores her father.  In love with this man who loves her with all of his heart.  She only wants to make him proud.  If she only knew that her mere existence makes him the proudest man alive.

Ladycakes is silly.  Crack herself up and can't stop laughing silly.  And, it's infectious.  It gets us all going.  I totally get that part of her.

Ladycakes is a pig.  P.I.G. pig.  Here room is a sty.  She refuses to close her dresser drawers.  But then, she gets this bee in her bonnet and she cleans that room like an HGTV pro.  Organizes, decorates and makes it all pretty again.

Ladycakes looks like me more and more everyday.  It trips me out.  She has my mouth, she has my eyes, she has my chin (and you know how I feel about my chin)  and she's beautiful.  And that makes me say, "Wait, that means you think you are beautiful."  And then I look in the mirror and I smile, because it means I AM beautiful.

Ladycakes is saving her money to build a house.  Not for a pair of jeans, not for the latest cell phone.  Ladycakes wants to build a house.  One that she designs.  One that she will live in.  Guess what, it will be a beautiful house and it better have an apartment for me when I come to visit.

Ladycakes has the utmost respect of her brothers.  They look up to her.  They look to her for guidance, for ideas, for love.  She gives them all of that.  They will love her forever and they will protect her like brothers do.

Ladycakes is the best first child for which two parents could ask.  She led us to believe this adventure would be easy.  That all babies were sweet and smart.  That all toddlers were funny and cute.  That all kindergarteners were curious and nervous.  That all young ladies were polite and thoughtful.  No doubt she will lead us to believe that all teenagers are responsible and courteous.  And that sometimes they make mistakes but they will learn from them

Mr. Handsome and I are so proud of Ladycakes.  How did we get so lucky?

Happy Birthday, young lady.
We love you.

50-8=39( at least at this house) It's new math. All the schools are teaching it.

This week Mr. Handsome celebrated a birthday. It was his birthday that he celebrated. Not just some birthday at his office, which by the way are crazy ridiculous. They buy a huge sheet cake for the birthday person and the office goes at it like vultures who haven't seen carrion in six months. Then those who haven't fallen into a mid-afternoon sugar coma, sneak back in to grab any leftover cake to take home to their families so they can celebrate all over again at home. Gross.

Anyhoo, that's not where I'm going with this. I just wanted you to know that Mr. Handsome is very kind to always spend his birthday picking out our Christmas tree. It's our birthday/Christmas tradition. I think he likes it, but don't tell him I know. The kids really like it and by all means we live to please them! Our sacrifice is their reward, every single day!

We love Mr. Handsome here at the hive. Love him like the worker bee that he is! He's the best dad and husband this hive could have. We are so lucky! He's going to get his fair share of the honey! Eeewww, TMI!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Handsome.

xoxo

Jen

The lessons you learn at Disneyland

Lesson #1. I try to make every situation a lesson. This lesson was learned standing in line for The Buzz Lightyear Ride after being shuffled to the front of the line because in my mind, I'm charming!

Me: "You know Ladycakes, I've really learned something today."

Ladycakes: "Really, what?"

Me: "If you smile, are polite and look people in the eye you get all sorts of perks. They scoot you right to head of the line. Life is good for polite, happy people."

Ladycakes: "Seriously, you are JUST now learning that?"

Me, to myself: " That smart a**, she's just like her father."

Lesson #2. These above few rules can be applied to almost any life situation. Especially the hands and legs stuff. Those are important parts, they should stay in the vehicle!

Lesson #3. There is nothing cuter than a boy and a bear. It's the lesson to stop and enjoy the cuteness. Cuz when the boy is as hairy as the bear, will I think he's as cute? Maybe, probably!

Lesson #4. Some turkeys have all the luck. Again, this applies to all aspects of life. This turkey really has ALL the luck. This is "Courage" the turkey pardoned by President Obama. Seriously? They had a huge parade for a turkey. It took us 30 minutes to get to Frontier Land because of a turkey! This turkey will live out the rest of his turkey days with a girl turkey named "Caroline" in the Happiest Place on Earth. Their baby turkeys will not "gobble" they will whistle "Zippity Doo Dah, Zippity Ay."

See told you I make every situation a lesson. It either makes me an awesome Mom or a totally annoying one. Either way, don't matter to me!

"This here is the wildest ride in the wilderness!"

Here he is. All 9 years of him. And, on Thanksgiving of all days. Well, because of him, I am inspired. I am so thankful. I am so thankful for so many things. I'm lucky. I've got it good. So here it is. The 9 most amazing things about Q.

1. He is the most polite 9 year old I know. "How are you Q?" His response? "I'm fine thank you, how are you?" My response? Oh, I love that boy!

2. He is FUNNY! I've said it before and I'll say it again. I dig funny. But this boy is FUNNY. Like smart funny, like where did that come from funny?!

3. Can I talk to you about his smarts? He's a smart one that 9 year old of ours. Smarter than he knows, smarter than I know. Change the world smart. Run circles around your mother smart.

4. He can throw a football far and fast and straight. And, he loves to play catch with his Mom. I'm good and he knows it. I LOVE THAT.

5. Q is the best brother a sister or a brother could have. He's lucky to be in the middle because he gets to be both a little brother and a big brother and he rocks at both.

6. He wants to be a roller coaster designer. He knows what he wants to be. He will be what he wants to be. It's just obvious. There is no question. It's amazing.

7. He gets people. It hurts sometimes but he gets them. He cares a lot. He understands that some people just need a little extra time and attention. He will be a great man.

8. He is passionate about Mario. Like crazy for, in love with, wishes he was Mario. I've been known to ask "You understand Mario isn't real, right?" He knows. He wishes he was. He's good at all things Mario. I mean scary good.

9. He makes me (us) proud every single day. Seriously, every single day. He is amazing, fantastic and super loved. We are so lucky to have him. I can't wait for the next 9 years.

Happy 9th birthday, Mr. Q. You rock our world.

xoxo

Mom and Dad

Gumballs + Plastic Bags + Ribbon + A super cool tool = A happy 9 year old.

What do you do when it's 10:30 in the evening, you've done more pre-algebra than you ever remember doing and you suddenly realize you have totally forgotten that tomorrow your middle child is celebrating his birthday with his 3rd grade class? Panic? Heavens no.

Well, yes you do actually. Then you consider hopping in the car heading to Wal-mart and buying "the crappiest crap in crap town" to fill little bags only for the parents of all those 3rd graders to moan......"uuuggghhh, another birthday?"

Thankfully, Mr. Handsome has a handsome and creative head on his big, strong, handsome shoulders. He calmly reminded me that I bought 2000 green gumballs, just because they were pretty, for our Halloween Open House table. (As I type that sentence, I question my own judgement, but color has a strange power over me.)

So, I pulled out one of my favorite tools, The Super-Sealer and got to work. Within 15 minutes, each child had a small, sealed bag of 6 gorgeous green gumballs (say that 10 times fast) tied with brilliant blue ribbon. I was able to hit my 11 o'clock curfew and the middle child was spared, once again, the life of a middle child.

I love that Super-Sealer so much I could marry it, oh wait, I already have Mr. Handsome.