Fifty Shades of Gray..... my review.

Wait, what?

 There's a book?

 A book about WHAT?!

So not what I'm talking about.  Wow!  I'm talking Gray.  Not Grey.  There's a difference.

I think I have officially looked at 50 shades of gray.  At least.  There are so many variations in gray and I have had a hard time nailing one down.  The cabinets in the new kitchen are gray.  A very light shade of gray, it's very hard to see.  When you hold something white up to them,  it becomes more obvious. While it is subtle, in a weird way it's a very obvious part of the kitchen.  With that said, making a color choice for the walls has been challenging.  Those who know me (all 22 of you) understand that this is something I can lose sleep over.  Have lost, might still lose, and subsequently losing.

Initially I headed in a blue gray direction.  But we are not really blue people.  We like blue but living with blue is not something we do.  We head more in a warmer direction.  If you can possibly imagine, there are grays out there that have golds and reds and umbers in them.  Who knew!

After throwing some paint on the walls, we think we've come to a decision.

Which color would you choose?  Let us know.
To vote, go like this
A.
B.  C.
     D. E.
F.

Go ahead, tell us.


I am SO NOT a professional blogger!

Robert's Rules of Order, What's new and What's missing, It's all about Dog mama or perhaps dogma..

I personally would like to call this blog post to order.  The following are in attendance........ well, me.  That's something.   I have been attending a lot of meetings lately that require the use of Robert's Rules.  I'm a sorority girl ya' know.  I learned the "rules" when I was in college.  They make me feel comfortable, orderly, in charge.  I love being in charge.

The meetings have been mostly school district stuff.  At first, it scared me.  I felt intimidated.  Education is more than showing up and pulling out your crayons.  Of course, I know this.  However, the "business" side of education, public education, is most interesting.  So needless to say, I've heard some "moving" "seconding" and "holy shit man, you need to stop talking, let's put that on next month's agenda."  AMEN!
However, I have a whole new place to experience Robert.  I plan to hang with a friend of mine at some Utah Swimming Board meetings.  Just so I can feel like I'm in charge.  I plan to come up with some dooozzziiieees when Public Comment is encouraged.  Or at least stand up when that seems to be missing from the agenda.


What's new?  Seriously?  How have you all been?  I'm sorry I've been absent.  I get thinking about writing then I have to do laundry.  I find a picture I want to base a post on then I end up at the grocery store.  So here's the newest, new at our house.....

This is our "old" kitchen.  It is still intact.  While it appears really nice, it just doesn't function.

With the guidance of our builder,  we put our cabinets on our local classified website.  They sold.  Seriously?  They sold.  And, the buyer can wait.  So I am currently caring for these cabinets better than I cared for any of my newborn children.  Wiping them down the minute they have a mess on their face. Someone bumps into them, I hip-check them into the next room.  Damn it, we don't own these anymore, have some respect!

So my thought is, as I bring this blog to order in these next few weeks, I will be showing pictures of our kitchen re-do.  Lots of dust and plastic and maybe some carrerra marble or Kashmir white granite, cabinets and me holding my knees, rocking in the corner.

What's missing?  Besides my lack of inspiration for blog posts?  Well, something big.  She was big and beautiful and part of our family for 11 years.  She was ready.  We weren't but it wasn't about us.  Emma was the most wonderful English Mastiff friend a family could ask to love.  Love her, we did.

Foster mama, a nanny of sorts.

Here's our fabulous, crazy and totally loved Lola.  She believed Emma was her Mama.  Emma was her mama and gave her the best instruction and guidance any dog mama could give.  Another reason we are thankful for our Emma.


Hugs.

It's not my fault so please don't trip.

I listen to XM Radio for a good portion of my day.  I'm in the car a lot and I tend to listen to the "20 on 20" more than I should.  It's a bit addictive and I end up singing along to songs that aren't really age appropriate.  I went through some old CD's today and I really should be listening to those.  LL Cool J, Luscious Jackson, R.E.M.  Instead I'm karyoke-ing to Miranda Cosgrove, Ready Set Woe, and yes, the occasional Lil' Wayne.

While driving with the family yesterday,  a song came on and I announced that it was my new "theme song."  Everybody shut up and listened to the lyrics.  Then all of a sudden, there was a huge burst of belly laughter from the back seats.  All three offspring were laughing hilariously.

I am so proud of my ability to make my children and myself laugh.  There is nothing funnier than making fun of yourself.  I happen to be really good at it.

Below is my new "Theme Song."  It's catchy.  Just try to not sing it to yourself, or do....... it will make feel silly and happy.  and maybe beautiful.






Add "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson to my Life Soundtrack.

Okay, there is business at hand. Plenty of unfinished business.

I'm failing.  Wifemotherexpletive rocks it with a month worth of posts.  A MONTH'S worth.  If I could get it together to do 2 consecutive days, I'd be my own rock star.

My gingerbread house.  Ladycake's sold her's for $40.00, yep $40.00 buck a roos. This is mine.  I loved making it.  I have a mild Smurf, gnome addiction (totally showing my age.)  Can't wait for the movie!





I'll have to see it alone.  I won't be the only 40 year old woman alone in the theater, I just know it.  So, gingerbread damnit.  Get it over with.

There....front has cute girl gnome holding a wreath.  Back has cute gnomes planting a garden, which makes total  sense because it's Winter!  No logic when Gingerbread is concerned.    Good news is the Children's Justice Center earned $6000.00 from this fundraiser.  That's truly what it's all about.

Next....

Snowmama's Summit was unbelievable.  Mind-blowing, gotta get my shit together, hope they like me as much as I like them, weekend!  This is one of 2 photos I took over the weekend.  Yep, we'll talk about, hello you need to document your events if you are blogging... I know, I know.  We tubed at Gorgoza Park on the first night and it was ridiculously fun.  Do it.  Do it now!

Then I learned that the local (CBS) station was filming a morning segment at Gorgoza and anyone that wanted to participate could.  Uhhh, what?  Free?  Really? Fun and free? Okay yes, you have to be there at 6:00 a.m.  but once in a lifetime...totally worth it!

Kids and mom tubing.  LOVED IT!

Kids tubing with kids they just met, LOVED IT!

Elvis snowmobiling.  LOVED IT! Casey Scott , the crazy roving reporter, kept us all laughing.  It was terrific.  Tom Butz, the Director of, "Owner" in my kid's mind, but all around  great guy who keeps this bad boy running like a machine was a gracious host and wow, we feel lucky to know him.  Hopefully, the marketing part of it was successful.  It worked on me.

Finally, Wildlife in my own backyard.

This beautiful hawk, don't know what kind....just don't.  Landed on my fence and made a hearty, albeit gross, meal out of a rodent of some kind.  Stayed on the fence for 20 or so minutes.  AMAZING!  Then flew into our Aspen trees and hung out for awhile.  Beautiful.  I am so lucky.  This is what I see in my backyard.  Nice.

Okay, I'll try to be more wifemotherexplevite -ish.  But no guarantee.  I have to get my stuff together, that could take years.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

As of November 9,  I have been posting this drivel for one year.  Okay, it's not drivel.  Some of it is serious.  Some of it is just plain stupid.  A lot of it is just plain indicative of this family's life.

I enjoy blogging.  Sometimes I really struggle with a topic.  Asking myself, "Should I talk about going to the grocery store, because that is really ALL I accomplished today?"  or "Is cervical cancer an off-limits conversation?"  It does require that I soul search a bit.  But for the most part,  I just let it rip.  And rarely do I offer an "excuse me."

For my one year blogiversary,  (I am embarrassed to use that word, I mean really blogiversary? Does Hallmark make blogiversary cards?)  I got a present.  No it isn't a notebook, or a sketchbook, or personalized stationary or anything paper.  Which would be totally ironic since the only writing I find myself doing doesn't happen on paper at all.  Hmmm.  weird.  Guess what I got?

I got a blogging job.  I KNOW, crazy huh?  Remember this?  Well, out of 700 applicants, I was one of 10 chosen to blog for Park City Mountain Resort as a "Snowmama."

To say I am excited is an understatement.  I am thrilled, exhilarated, totally psyched and over the moon.  It is sure to be an amazing experience.

So to all of 15 friends out there (and I know a couple of you are the same person!)  thanks for hanging out with me.  Thanks for commenting and encouraging and laughing!  Maybe year 2 will be even more entertaining with less run-on sentences.  That would be good.

Cheers, dears!

A GIVEAWAY that all the cool kids are signing up for!

Remember how yesterday I mentioned my "stacking" attempt.  It was fun, I'm doing it again today.

Allison is having a GIVEAWAY!  over at her blog www.stacksofstyle.blogspot.com.

In order to get started on your own stacking, you should head over and comment.  Let her know I sent you!

And if you WIN ,  you have to let me know.   CHECK HERE!

Go. Go. Go now.  I mean it!

Showered, mascara-ed and totally stacked. Oh yea I am.

So today I decided to bust out some style.  I try.  It doesn't happen everyday.  It's my goal to make it happen more often.  I have a style mentor.  Do you?  Her name is Allison Dayton.  She's a jewelry designer and screams "style."  It comes naturally.  It looks effortless.  I have known Allison a LOOOOONG time.  We went to college together and made our mark on Greek Row (we both hail from the Kappa Kappa Gamma house.)  Oh shit, now you know too much.


Allison makes beautiful jewelry.  She gave me a piece as a gift.  Mr. Handsome bought me several pieces for Christmas.  I bought a few more at an open house she had....I would have bought more but I am working on gluttony.  One must know when to restrain themselves.  You can't have it all right away, Jen!  Mellow.

Okay, sorry.  Back to this.  I have always admired Allison's style.  She stacks jewelry like it just jumps onto her wrist or neck without even thinking about it.  I have always loved wearing a lot of bracelets.  When I was in college I had lots of crazy, inexpensive silver bracelets from Mexico.  I wore them ALL, ALL of the time. You could hear me coming from a mile away.  It was my style.

Please go visit her.  You are going to love what she does.  What sucks even more?!  She has a beautiful house, a charming husband, lovely children and get this....she's NICE!  Oh yea, I said it.

It's weird, like I am totally forgetting something. Should I be worried?

Hi kids.  Sorry I've been "post-lacking" or "pslacking" as they are calling it.  Just kidding, I made that up!  And, I have registered it.  Totally mine now.  Right.  So anyhoo.....

I have a ton to do because I am heading off on a little adventure with my Mother tomorrow.  Heading to North Carolina for a felt-making class.  This is where we will be introduced to the felt loom that will be arriving in Utah in May.  SO EXCITED.

On my list today, make a card for the daughter of a friend who has been diagnosed with an extremely rare auto-immune disease (Behcet's disease)  She's young and sweet and should not have to deal with this and a card is nothing but it's what I can do for her.  She's lovely and I hope my little card will make her smile.

Oh yea, fairy and umbrella and little bird.  It's quite cute and totally for her and I hope she knows that we are thinking about her.   But weird, there's something hanging over me.  It's heavy and on my mind.

I should be doing real chores, not spending WAY too much time on handmade cards.   But I love making things for people I care about and really, what matters more? Not ironing, God Lord, not ironing.  It's so low on my list it's ridiculous.  However, there is something.  Nagging.  Itchy-like.  Ugh, what could it be?

I've decided what I am taking wardrobe-wise to N. Carolina.  It's hot there, I've got to dig out my "hot" clothes and I am not talking my little black dress.  Work clothes and work shoes.  But in the meantime, I had to fry (sorry cute organic friends who follow an awesome diet that some day I might join in on) some eggrolls for Ladycake's World Language Class.  They are studying Mandarin Chinese ( uh huh!) and this is her joint project.   But still, that crazy feeling that there is a deadline.  A looming deadline, that I may have missed.

But in the meantime, I am wasting tons of time blogging about all of it.  As if you care.  But I know you can help me.  


What am I missing?  Honestly, it's driving me nuts!  It's there, I feel it right there in the background.  It's teasing me.  What the hell, should I have done something today?   I just can't get my head around it!


Hope today wasn't too taxing for any of you.  I'm off to North Carolina.  I'm gonna learn how to make some felt ladies and gentleman.  Watch out, here I come!

An alpaca steps into a mill, goes through the picker and comes out a batt.

So a few days back I mentioned something cool was coming.....and then life took over and 3 days went by and I was all "oh no, I left them hanging and again, I have failed. I've let THEM down!"  Now I know you are a forgiving group and actually weren't hanging on the edge of you seat, or maybe you were?  I tend to hold people to stuff and am easily disappointed, so now I'm just projecting.  But back to the cool stuff.  Ready?


Last week, my Mother and I ventured out on a little field trip.  Off to the edges of a county I rarely explore.  We were off to see a mill.  A what?  A mill.  A what?  Okay, let me explain.  A mill is a place where raw fiber (in this case, alpaca) is processed.  This mill processes the raw fiber into yarn.  Lovely yarn.  We are not here for the yarn.

This was the first machine we met, it spins the processed fiber into strands that are then woven with another strand to make yarn.  It is one of the last steps in the process however it was an interesting place to start.

The operator of this mill was making a "chunky and funky" yarn on this pass and you can see it here.  Not particularly even and quite lovely.

Here we are seeing one of the first processes, once the fiber has been washed.  This is "The Picker."  I know what you are all saying, "Oh there's a kid in my kid's preschool that is called The Picker."  This takes this gnarly mess of fiber and removes dirt, vegetation, you name it that didn't come out in the wash.       

It is shocking how the fiber comes out.

Can you believe how fluffy it's become?!  Now through the comb.  This prepares the fiber to head to the carder.

Meet the carder.  This one is is awesome and big. 

Here you are seeing "a web."  This web is rolled onto itself to make a batt.  The batt is what we came to see.  We are here for batts.

Here are the finished product batts.  They are soft and fluffy and scrumptious.  These are alpaca batts.  They will become alpaca felt.  What?  Alpaca felt.  Did you say alpaca felt?  Oh yes I did.  

Stay tuned for more info.  I told you it was exciting.  Told ya.  Told ya!

Okay, I was having United States Postal Service anxiety.  I am a bit of a control freak with the need for immediate gratification.  Born in 1969, there has to be something to that.    I was sure that the bad attitude of the Postal worker who handled this precious package a week ago, who had an attitude that you would not believe, was a serious problem.  Shocking!  A customer, because sorry, if you show up at the post office you are actually a "customer"  asked to use a pen.  A pen, the post office doesn't supply them, "because people steal them."  REALLY?  The postal worker offered a pen, begrudgingly, and said "As long as you give it back."

Fer reals, this is how we talk to customers?  It is SO ANNOYING.  And of course, I commented, because I cannot let that kind of behavior go, it should be called out and recognized for it's LAMENESS!

Well, after commenting to the awful postal worker,I made fun of what he said, because you don't talk to people like that and handing over my precious creation  I began to worry.(He was terribly nice to me and check the link for why I think this is the case.  ;})     Long story, short.  It arrived.  She liked it.  I am so happy.  She's terribly creative and I am excited to follow her blog, cuz she does cool stuff.  Check tifandtheboys.blogspot.com

Thank you so much Urban Craft for making this happen.  This was a great first time craft swap experience.  I'll do it again.  I loved it!

Tired of waiting? Well wait no more!

The big reveal.  I made you wait a full 24 hours.  I can't believe I had the self-control to wait.  I have been coveting my swap item.  So here you go.... check this out!

Isn't he AMAZING!  He is a Cloud Seeder tree from this Meomi inspiration.  The craftsmanship is remarkable.  Not only is he super cute but he is quite mischievous.  Look where he's been in the last 24 hours.

Here, he is reading an Octonauts book.  He was thrilled to see we have them in our collection.

Studying the globe.  Turns out he's a geography nut.  Who knew?!

Climbing out of my purse.  He had been going through my wallet looking for some spending money.  Fool!

I found him in the refrigerator this afternoon.  He was hoping for an afternoon, caffeine pick me up but he doesn't drink "diet."  He claims the Nutra-sweet leaves a funny taste in his mouth.

He decided to check the pantry.  I think he might have eaten a whole box of Chicken in a Biscuits!

He feels very at home here.  And, The Cat said she doesn't mind giving him a ride every once in awhile.  I think they are going to be good friends.

In all seriousness, I love this.  Karen, you rocked it.  He will live a long and happy life Here at the Hive. Where he will reside is yet to be determined.  Maybe my studio, maybe on the mantel above the fireplace.  Maybe on our bookshelf.  Or maybe all over the place.

I love him!

Erin Go Braugh, and then I ran an errand and bought a bra!

St. Patrick's Day was eventful in an uneventful way.  Aside from the normal schedule, there were a few side trips.  Check it out.

Elvis's preschool was totally "green" for St. Patrick's Day and went to our local Recycle Center.  It happens to be one of my most favorite places.  The pack rat, creative sort loves this kind of place.  It is a world of endless possibilities.

We saw a rainbow of caps and what not in one particular bin.  This makes me so happy I could cry.  There a million things that could be done with this "garbage."

Then, we went  back to school and had these cuties.  Thanks to Pink and Green Mama and her genius.  These are amazing, easy and " wow"  kids and adults alike.  Thanks for sharing!

Recycling and Rainbow Jello Rock my World.  Just call me Kermit!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I Double-Dog Dare You!

The other night I actually Double-Dog Dared my friend, Jamie.  An AMAZING photographer whose work I love and respect.  She bought a crazy t-shirt but was worried about wearing it.  She needs to embrace her inner t-shirt-wearer and wear it proudly.  Let me give you a couple of examples of how you do that.

Example #1

Now this is a thrift store t-shirt I couldn't pass up.  Man shirt yes. But it's AC/DC and worn so it's like old AC/DC and it was two bucks....so you buy it, right?  Right.

And then, if you have a shirt like this, you can ask your husband to photograph you acting like a fool, or yourself.  Mr. Handsome, you make me look emo-cool.  Thank you darling!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I double-dog dare you to take that Edward Cullen shirt and wear it baby!  Wear it like you stole it.  Which I know you didn't!

">And by the way, I'm back in black, hit the sack, I'm glad to be back!




And please don't judge me by the size of my fingers! ;)

Cheesy? Perhaps, it's how I roll.

I've been known to be a bit obsessive.  Shocking?  Nah?!

But once I get a bee in my bonnet (so to speak) it buzzes about until I've driven the rest of the Hive cccahahaaharrraaazzzyy!  Luckily, Mr. Handsome is tolerant  (aside from the fact that he's hot), it's definitely one of the reasons this whole chestnut works so nicely.  He indulges me.  You'll understand once you see the rest of this nonsense.  I know, go with a brand and just embrace it.  But really?  Really?  Should I be SO committed?


Oh yes, I should!

And then, yes I did!

But wait and what and then huh? and what?

But excuse me a minute, that's not it. That's not enough.  Let's take it a step further.  The kid's aren't totally bugging the shit out of us.....

So let's drive a little bit further and see if we can indulge Mama Bee just a smidgen' more.  I think it can happen, oh yes it can happen.....

OH YES IT DID !

So, the Beehive Cheese Co. in Uintah, Ut.  Rocks my world. Delicious? yes.  Local? (for me) yes.  Such a great idea, oh my goodness and an amen yes.  Two retired men, choosing to keep on keepin' on and therefore making amazing cheese, award-winning cheese.  It will knock your socks off, blow your mind and then tickle your pickle.  You are gonna love this.  Go, Order, Indulge, Digest and then do it all over again.

I LOVE CHEESE!


For those wanting to check our new family theme song.  Check it, Check, Check, Check it.  1, 2, 3, 4.....

Add "Imma Bee" sung by Black Eyed Peas to my Life Soundtrack.

A funny thing happened on the way to the bleachers......

Sounds like the beginning of joke, I know.  But you are not going to believe this.  Mr. Handsome and I took the little bees up north this weekend for a swim meet.  First swim meet for the bees, so we stayed the night in a hotel (it was actually a motel, which tripped them out because you "entered from the outside.") and made it into a little getaway.  According to Elvis, we stayed in a "Mo Hell"  which it wasn't, it had been updated but it still cracked us up.

Okay back to the point.  The kids were on deck all warmed up, ready to compete and Mr. Handsome and I headed to the upper level to find a spot in the bleachers.  Elvis was tagging along and we were shlepping coats, toys, backpacks, you name it into the 88 degree upper deck of this swimming pool.  I was totally overdressed and at this point sweating a bit.  Suddenly I hear, "Excuse me?  Excuse me?"  coming from behind me.  At first I thought it was someone getting ready to tell me my youngest bee had already broken some sort of rule.  So I turned around and standing there are these two lovely women.

This is what follows.....

Lovely woman #1: "Excuse me, hi."
me: "Hi."
Lovely woman #2 stands quietly next to Lovely woman #1 and smiles.
Lovely woman #1: "Hi.  We were just wondering, do you have a blog?"
me inside going "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.  yes I do!  I sure hope you like my blog or else I am going to be super embarrassed."
me after getting control of myself:  "Yes I do."
Lovely woman #1: "Hi I'm Carol."
me to myself:  "I know Carol, she's one of my followers.  Carol recognized me.  Carol writes really cool stuff on her blog.  I AM MEETING CAROL!"
Lovely woman #2:  "Hi, I'm Jennie, Carol's daughter."
me, trying to wipe the sweat off of my nose and gain some composure:  "I am so glad to meet you!"

How does this happen?  I met someone who reads my blog!  I met someone who's blog I read!  This is CRAZY!  Needless to say it took me about 30 minutes to pull my shit together, I was so excited.  I visited with Carol quite a bit.  She's charming.  Her kids are darling.  Jennie, her oldest daughter is adorable and now I am reading her blog.  You should too.  The weekend was really fun.  Meeting my blog friends was an added bonus.  Do think it will ever happen again?

If this meeting is anything like the next one could be, I sure hope so.  Hi Carol.  Hi Jennie.

Madeleine's Pins make me very happy. Jewelry and Politics do mix.

So I've decided to try reading.  My reading often involves just looking at pretty pictures.  I'm a visual one.  Words?  Love words.  Love to play with words, twist words, change words....but sometimes reading them takes too much effort.  I tend to like words for their visual aspects.  Someday I will discuss that further.

Wanna know what I'm reading, do ya', do ya'?  Please say "yes."  because I'm going to tell you regardless.

Let me start by saying, I am not political.  Meaning, ask me about politics and I'm wishy-washy.  Firstly, it SO doesn't interest me.  In my humble opinion, politics are ridiculous.  It's totally corrupt.  It's "bait and switch" it's "I've been sold a bill of goods!"  It's darn right silly.  I don't think my vote counts.  I live in Utah and tend to vote the Democrat-side of things (I just ruined my chance at several job applications, if those hiring happen upon this here blog.)  I am not a devote Democrat.  I cannot commit like that.  Secondly, I think politicians are slimy.  A bit criminal, as wishy-washy as me.  So, not willing to commit.  Maybe I'd be a great politician (without the slimy, criminal stuff)!

 But this book makes me very happy.  This is my kind of politics.  It's politics but it's also jewelry.  And covert communication (I LOVE COVERT COMMUNICATION!)  Jewelry, educated-creative-covert communication?!  This woman rocks my world.  Rocks it!  There is so much about this read that I dig.  check this quote....

"Naturally, not every diplomatic encounter demands a sunny attitude.  If I wanted to deliver a sharp message, I often wore a bee. Muhammad Ali used to boast that he would "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee"; my message was that America would try to resolve every controversy peacefully, but if pushed into a corner, we had both the will and a way to strike back."  page 93 Read My Pins by Madeleine Albright.

So that's one of the books I'm reading.  I'll introduce another book in the next day or two.  Check this one out at your local library or just buy it.  You'll browse over it for hours.  And, then scour thrift stores for some costume jewelry of your own.