1 in 3200. Those are my kind of odds.

Autumn is a beautiful time here.  Today was one of those days you wish would last FOREVER.  The temperature, perfect.  The color of the leaves, mind blowing.  The wind, just a breeze.

This doesn't last long enough.  I love the winter but it arrives and stays.  Fall reminds me of being a flirtatious teenager.  Getting all dressed up in your pretty outfit.  Flaunt it for as long as your teenage-attention span can handle it.  Then go.  Seriously!  Get out of here as fast as you can because you think somebody might have noticed!

Well, I noticed.  I went outside and parked my body in a chair.  I soaked it in.  Like an 85 year old tortoise, dozing in and out of drifting in the breeze.   It was Heaven.  But then my brain got involved..... you know it does that.

I realized I had just put myself in grave danger.  I was tempting The Fates.  Outside.  Enjoying THAT brilliant blue sky.  Actually sitting.  Looking up at that sky.  Waiting.  Watching.

I am pleased to announce I survived.  I was not hit by a 1 ton bus-sized spacetrash piece of satellite.  I coulda been.  I was out there all exposed (totally clothed but totally exposed.)  I could have been that 1 in 3200.  And knowing how this flirtatious teenager's life works, I'm actually shocked.


I survived the Satellite Drop of 2011.  Nostradomus,  Mayans or Incans or whatever,  Ben Bernanke or Bill Gates or the economy or whatever.  I survived today.

Hooray me!

If Fifth Grade accepted 41 year olds, I'd fit right it.

I love Fall.  It's a beautiful time of year.  The weather is ideal.  Temperatures are nice, the grass doesn't grow as fast so there is less mowing.  The snow hasn't started to fly yet so there's no shoveling.  The leaves are just changing and haven't begun to drop from the trees so there is no raking.  Perhaps I love Fall because I'm lazy.

I think NOT.

I've been working on getting the family to try new things.  Fall brought the opportunity for us to go apple picking.  My inner-farmer was ALL over this.  We could go and pick apples in the changing Fall sunlight.  Sunlight that makes us all look prettier.  The wind could whisper through the trees while the honeybees buzzed sweet songs of encouragement in our ears.  I could wear a bonnet and an apron and carry a bushel basket I had woven earlier in the summer.  We should TOTALLY go apple picking!

The apple picking was great.  It poured down rain.  There was lightning flashing all around us while we wielded picking sticks high into the trees.  In all honesty, the rain added an extra level of "adventure."    The trees are 130 year old heirloom apple trees.  Not sure what kind of apples they are but we figured we needed 5 bags of them.  5 bags.

So we picked and picked and picked.

We came home with a shitload of apples.


Well, it's been 5 days since we picked apples I decided it was time to do something with them before they all began to rot on my counter.

So I made applesauce.  How clever.

This is 2 bags worth of apples.  First I peeled the apples.

I peeled and peeled and peeled.  Now my inner-homesteader was totally excited about the outcome of my peeling.  My fictious chickens are going to love this special apple peel treat.  I am sure they will all scurry into the coop and lay dozens upon dozens of eggs for me.  As a thank you for my generous offering of heirloom apple peels.  They really do love me so.

Step 3 requires quartering and coring.  And quartering and coring.  And quartering and coring.  Again, Henney, Penney, Lenney, Jenney, Benney, and Zenney (my fictitious chickens)  will love the results of Step 3.  But oh girls, you won't get all of the cores for some must go into my compost pile.  Not fictitious by the way.

Finally, some sugar.  A little more sugar.  A pinch of salt.  Some water.  How about just a tad more sugar?  And several "glug glugs" of Applejack and we are off.  Apples boiling, breaking down, making the house smell nice.

I DID IT!  I made applesauce.  It looks pretty.  It smells great.  The kids are going to LOVE it.

Well, it turns out Ladycakes is "kind of picky about applesauce.  You know it's not bad but it's not the best applesauce I've ever had."  WTF?  Q and Elvis have decided they are "too full" after 2 pieces of cinnamon toast to even try it.  I thought kids were supposed to be STARVING after school?

Well, there is a happy ending.  A silver lining.  A reason for spending  2 1/2 hours of our day working on a task.  A reward.

Look what I found while I was peeling the apples.

An apple bottom!  I am in love with it.  As you can imagine I sang Flo Rida's" Low".  THE.  ENTIRE. TIME. I made applesauce.  Me, alone in my kitchen, singing about Shawty and her boots with the fur.  God, I love making applesauce.





Add Flo Rida's "Low" to my Lifesoundtrack.  Careful, there are some explicit lyrics here.  So use your best judgement if you are sharing with kiddos.  Just sayin'.

It's almost 2011!

For the holidays, we have been fostering two 6 week old labrador puppies.  It's been our holiday "community service."  I swear everytime I say that I feel like I am admitting my children are criminals.  Hhhhmmmm.    And, yes, I made dog toys for them, personalized and everything. I am the mother of criminals, I have to have a creative release!    Delilah is up there cuddling her toy.


Please meet Delilah, the chocolate lab and her sister Lola, the black beauty.

Miss Emma, our 9 1/2 year old English Mastiff has been a most gracious host.  We are calling her "Gramma Emma,"  She tolerates snuggling (see above) tail tugging, whimpering, wrestling and toy stealing.  She is incredibly kind and plays like the gentle giant she is, soft nibbling, quiet nudging all with such kindness.  We love her dearly and are reminded of how special she is to our family.

The puppies go back to Furburbia on January 5th.  We will miss them.  They snuggle and play and pee and poop.  It's been a great experience for all of us.  We love you Lola and Delilah and we hope you find great homes.

Okay, there is business at hand. Plenty of unfinished business.

I'm failing.  Wifemotherexpletive rocks it with a month worth of posts.  A MONTH'S worth.  If I could get it together to do 2 consecutive days, I'd be my own rock star.

My gingerbread house.  Ladycake's sold her's for $40.00, yep $40.00 buck a roos. This is mine.  I loved making it.  I have a mild Smurf, gnome addiction (totally showing my age.)  Can't wait for the movie!





I'll have to see it alone.  I won't be the only 40 year old woman alone in the theater, I just know it.  So, gingerbread damnit.  Get it over with.

There....front has cute girl gnome holding a wreath.  Back has cute gnomes planting a garden, which makes total  sense because it's Winter!  No logic when Gingerbread is concerned.    Good news is the Children's Justice Center earned $6000.00 from this fundraiser.  That's truly what it's all about.

Next....

Snowmama's Summit was unbelievable.  Mind-blowing, gotta get my shit together, hope they like me as much as I like them, weekend!  This is one of 2 photos I took over the weekend.  Yep, we'll talk about, hello you need to document your events if you are blogging... I know, I know.  We tubed at Gorgoza Park on the first night and it was ridiculously fun.  Do it.  Do it now!

Then I learned that the local (CBS) station was filming a morning segment at Gorgoza and anyone that wanted to participate could.  Uhhh, what?  Free?  Really? Fun and free? Okay yes, you have to be there at 6:00 a.m.  but once in a lifetime...totally worth it!

Kids and mom tubing.  LOVED IT!

Kids tubing with kids they just met, LOVED IT!

Elvis snowmobiling.  LOVED IT! Casey Scott , the crazy roving reporter, kept us all laughing.  It was terrific.  Tom Butz, the Director of, "Owner" in my kid's mind, but all around  great guy who keeps this bad boy running like a machine was a gracious host and wow, we feel lucky to know him.  Hopefully, the marketing part of it was successful.  It worked on me.

Finally, Wildlife in my own backyard.

This beautiful hawk, don't know what kind....just don't.  Landed on my fence and made a hearty, albeit gross, meal out of a rodent of some kind.  Stayed on the fence for 20 or so minutes.  AMAZING!  Then flew into our Aspen trees and hung out for awhile.  Beautiful.  I am so lucky.  This is what I see in my backyard.  Nice.

Okay, I'll try to be more wifemotherexplevite -ish.  But no guarantee.  I have to get my stuff together, that could take years.

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

As of November 9,  I have been posting this drivel for one year.  Okay, it's not drivel.  Some of it is serious.  Some of it is just plain stupid.  A lot of it is just plain indicative of this family's life.

I enjoy blogging.  Sometimes I really struggle with a topic.  Asking myself, "Should I talk about going to the grocery store, because that is really ALL I accomplished today?"  or "Is cervical cancer an off-limits conversation?"  It does require that I soul search a bit.  But for the most part,  I just let it rip.  And rarely do I offer an "excuse me."

For my one year blogiversary,  (I am embarrassed to use that word, I mean really blogiversary? Does Hallmark make blogiversary cards?)  I got a present.  No it isn't a notebook, or a sketchbook, or personalized stationary or anything paper.  Which would be totally ironic since the only writing I find myself doing doesn't happen on paper at all.  Hmmm.  weird.  Guess what I got?

I got a blogging job.  I KNOW, crazy huh?  Remember this?  Well, out of 700 applicants, I was one of 10 chosen to blog for Park City Mountain Resort as a "Snowmama."

To say I am excited is an understatement.  I am thrilled, exhilarated, totally psyched and over the moon.  It is sure to be an amazing experience.

So to all of 15 friends out there (and I know a couple of you are the same person!)  thanks for hanging out with me.  Thanks for commenting and encouraging and laughing!  Maybe year 2 will be even more entertaining with less run-on sentences.  That would be good.

Cheers, dears!

Rockport Reservoir or "The place teenagers go to drink beer"

"

So, the river in the mountains was super fun.  We felt like keeping the "outdoor time on the weekends" ball rolling and check out the reservoir that is about 15 minutes away from our house.  My thought was it would possibly be easier to swim in because it was rushing down a mountain, perhaps just a smidge safer.

Well it turns out my kids won't swim in water that "smells like dead fish."   Nice.  Okay admittedly, it totally smelled like dead fish.  I didn't see any dead fish but I certainly could smell them.  Then, there were the deer flies.  These things are nasty and persistent and totally ruin a fine picnic by smelly dead fish water.

I know what you are saying.  "I thought you hive folk would love all winged insects."  Uh, no.  About an hour into our grand outdoor time at the local reservoir, I was beginning to hear the grumblings.  The "I'm bored and ready to go" grumblings.  Remember how we didn't yell at anybody when we were by the river in the mountains?  There was yelling at the reservoir.  We had to yell at Q when he dropped an enormous log onto Elvis while trying to throw it into the reservoir.  We had to yell at Elvis for purposely knocking over a stone tower Ladycakes had built.  There was yelling.

On a good note, we did our part and picked up 2 dozen beer cans that were scattered all around that dead fish smelling beach.  It became a scavenger hunt of sorts.  We did find some pretty cool drift wood that made awesome "weapons."  We did see a cool drunk teenager-type structure.

We stayed about 2 hours.  That's not too bad.  We were pretty glad to get out of there actually.  Next weekend we are going back to the river in the mountains. Or maybe we'll just go to the mall and buy skinny jeans and video games.



Add this to my Life Soundtrack.  Kid Rock isn't afraid of a little dead fish.  He'll even make love in dead fish.  So there.

The Great Outdoors, where you can pee wherever you want.

It's been our goal to spend more time outdoors.  Away from the computer, the Wii, the T.V., the kitchen, the laundry.  You know where I am coming from, we spend a lot of time indoors.  We are not adverse to the outdoors.  I love Mother Nature.  But, I don't want our "outdoor" time to be mowing the lawn.  Lame.

So we have ventured out lately.  Here's what we have done.

Found an amazing spot, here in the Uintas.  The Provo River.  Perfect spot to play, imagine, read, bring your blood pressure down to a reasonable  150/92.  For me, that's a good day!

The landscape is truly awe-inspiring.  We played here for hours.  We explored, had lunch.  Explored, read some of our books.  Explored, jumped in.....

First Elvis.  Really?  It's like 45 degrees.  He's fearless or stupid.  We're not sure.

Next Q.  There were teenage girls within earshot. Need I say more?

Finally, Ladycakes.  She lets the fools test the water.  I am so proud of this girl!

Once they started, they couldn't stop.  The rush was too much.  They loved how cold the water felt, the fear factor was too much.  They just kept jumping.

By the time we packed up, they were exhausted.  Guess how many times we disciplined them (the boys)?  None.  How much bickering did we hear?  None.  Who said they were bored because "there's nothing to do!"?  Nobody.

Being outside is good for everybody.  We left exhausted, windblown, sun-kissed, muddy and very happy.  We are pleased to live so close to this.  We are very lucky.  

Next came the reservoir.    Well, let's just say they wanted their Nintendos.  I'll fill you later. oy.

A perfectly good way to waste a minute and a half.

 
Okay my lovely blogging friend, Carol, over at Songberries gave me a couple of awards.  If I could print these out and tatoo them to my forehead I would, it's the gold star I needed this week.  Thank you Carol!  You're a keeper.  The rules on this are that for The Versatile Blogger award you must tell 7 things about yourself and for The Beautiful Blogger award you must tell 10 things about yourself.  So how about I just list 17 random things and you can un-follow immediately.  Just kidding.  You're gonna like what I share.




Ready?




Really, ready?





Here goes.



1.  My nickname as a child was "Hotdog."  I was a bit of a hotdog and totally shaped like one, plump.
2.  My favorite household chore is organizing a drawer.  It gives me a sense of control.
3.  I have beautiful feet.  Like foot model feet.  Gorgeous.
4.  Baking soda really does eliminate odors, it's my new favorite household cleaner.
5.  I wish I had a huge white board wall.  Like 18 feet by 20 feet.  I would draw on it all day.
6.  I once pierced my ears using nothing but a needle and an ice cube.  It was before a Howard Jones concert.
7.  I love The Tower of Terror at California Adventure.  It's terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.
8.  I own a sewing machine, an embroidery machine and a heat press.  I strive to use them daily.
9.  I want to be my mom when I grow up.
10.  I am currently loving "Airplanes"  by B.OB. featuring Haley Williams as music of choice.  The Eminem version is great too.
11.  Body and Soul told me that according to Ayurveda, I am a Kapha which just means I am a chubby "Earth Mother."  And I like it.  I'm only slightly chubby.
12.   I remember my very first phone number like it's etched in my brain.  Scary but fun to say, to myself.
13.  I recently had dinner with Scott Wolf (hello, Party of Five) and his lovely wife.  I have a picture to prove it!
14.  I fear growing old.
15.  I would like to have a "signature" perfume.  Something my children will remember.
16.  I have never been to Europe but I'd like to go.
17.  I don't make my bed every day.

It feels good to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening.

Last Day of School! But wait, I'm not ready!

So.... sorry for my absence.  I have been busy with musical performances, totally lame preschool graduations, last minute assignments, a Renaissance Faire, a new job, allergies, felt making, "what the hell are we having for dinner"ing.  And, a random orthodontist appointment.  So nothing really.  Just kidding!

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Happily, we do not have any snow in the forecast.  You laugh.  I cry.  It's been a long "sprinter"  and no, that's not a mis-spelling.  It's been Spring and Winter here.  It's LAME!

I love teachers.  They amaze me.  I was a teacher.  But, I didn't understand the power, the influence.  I knew it but didn't appreciate it from a parent's perspective.  NOW, I understand.  You people are amazing.

I am that parent that makes shit.  I make a present.  I like to make presents for people.  I think about them the entire time I am making their gift.  I also like to receive handmade gifts.  Okay, I'm a weirdo?  NO!

Hopefully, next year, the teachers aren't saying "Do you have that Q kid and his brother Elvis, cuz their mom is a handmade gift giver!  Sorry for you.  No Starbucks gift certificate.  No $10.00 Visa card.  It's all handmade.  Oh good luck with that!."

Here's this year's.  I like them.   I am proud of them.  I hope the teachers agree and appreciate how much time and love I understand that they put into every day.  I get them.

The bottles are an entire different post.  It, unfortunately, dives heavy into my psyche. We'll do that later. 

I have painted them  Added a tag.  Will then add flowers.  I love these people, they deserve paint, flowers and felt. 

Here are some more photos....

Close up of gold heart.

A message to each teacher.   With flowers. Such cute flowers.

Thank you teachers. Thank you moms.  Thank you dads.   Thank you for incredible public education.  Thank you Spring.  We are ready.

Hold on to your seats, it's SUMMER!

Why was the baby ant confused?

We decided to seek Spring.  Head to a lower elevation and find us some Spring, damn it.  A bud, a blade, a nest, SOMETHING.  Found it.  Found it!

He was at the beginning of our journey.  Needed to get his head out on the highway and breathe in some Spring air.  Like a dog in a car, he was loving every minute of it!

You can see the snow on the mountains in the background, but Spring is showing by the river.

See the algae in the river?  So green.

Interesting seed pods.  Ready to bust....really cool looking.

Kids "pretend" fishing.  On a rock, in a river.  Awesome.  So happy.

The answer is.... because all of his uncles were ants.  Get it?  See title and revist.  All of his uncles were ants.  Hilarious.

I've lost that lovin' feelin' (over Spring Break)

Because it did this for most of our Spring Break....

We decided to rise above it and do this....

Get it she's a "gardening snowgirl."  Whatever.  Now the dogs are afraid to go outside because of the big scary snowman.  I believe that I have mentioned both of the dogs weigh well over 100 lbs.  EACH!

After having just about enough outdoor time we headed off and did this.....

Nothin' better than cheap bowling and a beer to solve the Spring Break blues.

Okay, I was having United States Postal Service anxiety.  I am a bit of a control freak with the need for immediate gratification.  Born in 1969, there has to be something to that.    I was sure that the bad attitude of the Postal worker who handled this precious package a week ago, who had an attitude that you would not believe, was a serious problem.  Shocking!  A customer, because sorry, if you show up at the post office you are actually a "customer"  asked to use a pen.  A pen, the post office doesn't supply them, "because people steal them."  REALLY?  The postal worker offered a pen, begrudgingly, and said "As long as you give it back."

Fer reals, this is how we talk to customers?  It is SO ANNOYING.  And of course, I commented, because I cannot let that kind of behavior go, it should be called out and recognized for it's LAMENESS!

Well, after commenting to the awful postal worker,I made fun of what he said, because you don't talk to people like that and handing over my precious creation  I began to worry.(He was terribly nice to me and check the link for why I think this is the case.  ;})     Long story, short.  It arrived.  She liked it.  I am so happy.  She's terribly creative and I am excited to follow her blog, cuz she does cool stuff.  Check tifandtheboys.blogspot.com

Thank you so much Urban Craft for making this happen.  This was a great first time craft swap experience.  I'll do it again.  I loved it!

Love in an Elevator, can I see you later and love you just a little more?

A weekend spent at Macy's is a weekend for the record books.  Okay it wasn't a weekend it was an hour on Sunday, but it felt like a weekend.  Oy.  Here's me making funny faces into the mirror in the dressing room whilst Q modeled "skinny jeans" for Mr. Handsome and Ladycakes.  Why do I get stuck backstage?  Totally dealing with the fray!  My opinion doesn't matter.  It leaves me making funny faces in the mirror and photographing them.

Okay, skinny jeans for Q.  Boys dig the skinny jeans.  It's crazy fun shopping for these bad boys. Check the teal!  #1 on Q's list.  We did remind him that some 3rd graders might find the teal skinny jeans a bit "flashy" but he's willing to deal with the ridicule.  I am raising my own Stephen Tyler, (hopefully without the drug abuse) but my boy has a rock 'n roll attitude.  I love it.  I have it but don't know how to show it.  The teal skinny jeans rock my world.

So rock 'roll.  Look how cute that boy is.  Now if the skinny jeans affect his school work the shit's coming down.  Mama's takin' those jeans and making you wear khakis.  But boy, you crack me up.  I love the swagger those skinny jeans give you. I'll keep that swagger in check but a little swagger goes a long way.

Elvis insisted on getting his own skinny jeans.  Red and black.  Oh my Hell it's AC/DC at it's finest.  And he's 4.  Wow!  Hilarious.  They rock those skinny jeans, my boys.  Ladycakes scammed some Roxy sweatpants because she has figured out I'm a SUCKA'!

We saw great art this weekend.  The Kimball Art Center is amazing and offers terrific exhibits.  We are so lucky being in a small town and an incredible art community.  We checked out this exhibit this weekend.  4 to 79 (years) enjoyed it (we saw it with grandparents, but everyone enjoyed.)

Pictures check them.... there is SO much to this exhibit.  It's full of themes and has so many strange contradictions.  It's political, religious, contradictory, incredible.

I love the fact that men and boys can be creative and flashy.  I learned that at the art exhibit and the skinny jean shopping.  Boys and Men have a lot to express.  And, their expression should be celebrated. I love what these incredibly creative people do, it's brilliant.

GO SKINNY JEANS!