It's not my fault so please don't trip.

I listen to XM Radio for a good portion of my day.  I'm in the car a lot and I tend to listen to the "20 on 20" more than I should.  It's a bit addictive and I end up singing along to songs that aren't really age appropriate.  I went through some old CD's today and I really should be listening to those.  LL Cool J, Luscious Jackson, R.E.M.  Instead I'm karyoke-ing to Miranda Cosgrove, Ready Set Woe, and yes, the occasional Lil' Wayne.

While driving with the family yesterday,  a song came on and I announced that it was my new "theme song."  Everybody shut up and listened to the lyrics.  Then all of a sudden, there was a huge burst of belly laughter from the back seats.  All three offspring were laughing hilariously.

I am so proud of my ability to make my children and myself laugh.  There is nothing funnier than making fun of yourself.  I happen to be really good at it.

Below is my new "Theme Song."  It's catchy.  Just try to not sing it to yourself, or do....... it will make feel silly and happy.  and maybe beautiful.






Add "Pretty Girl Rock" by Keri Hilson to my Life Soundtrack.

Fondue? Do you? It's fun to fondue, you should too. please do.

Okay, I know it looks like we live in the 70's.  Busting out the TV trays and  the fondue pot, totally living bi-centenial.  Look out 1976, we are making our move.  Tonight's New Year's Eve celebration involved fondue, broccoli, cauliflower, french bread, pretzel sticks, lil smokies and cheese, cheese, cheese.  It was delicious and fun and I want to thank Hilary for the inspiration!

Dick Clark is on the agenda, really Ryan Seacrest but I feel like I should pay homage to the man who owns New Year's Eve.  We might even play a little Pictionary on Udraw, if we get it set up.  Safe and sound at home.  Looking forward to starting new.

Wishing you and yours a Happy New Year!

Another piece of commissioned art. Does this make me a "real" artist?

I mentioned before that I would be making 150 bottles for a wedding in July.  I feel very flattered when someone likes my art.


I had another commission this week.  Again, someone who really respects my work as an artist asked me to work my magic.



When you ask, I will deliver.  I love to create.  No matter how crappy the request may be.


I present to you "Ugly Christmas Sweaters."  Oh Good Lord, I totally enjoyed doing this.  Ladycakes helped and suggested we open an "Ugly Sweater Store."  Oh silly girl, no one will fall for that.  But wait, I checked on-line and people REALLY DO FALL FOR THAT!

Here they are...

 The trees light up, it's fantastic.

This is Frosty and his balls.  It's terribly tasteless and AWESOME!

This is me.  Showing off my terribly awful, hilarious, totally fun to wear creations.

Maybe I am a real artist.  Maybe not.  Whatever, I love being creative!

Oh say can you see....my house burning down?

We had a groovy 4th of July.

It involved Marching Bands,

Bagpipes,

Mariachi Musicians,

and some thumpin' techno-dance bootie-shakin' stuff.

We totally horsed around.

We rubbed elbows with a bunch of crazy characters.

Headed home for dinner with great friends. Decorations ala kids!  Thanks Paper and Cake for the free download!

 Kid-made flag cake!  Delicious.

Apple pie ala me and mode!  Careful there, careful. This is a family-friendly blog and holiday.

Then we attempted to burn the house down.

God bless America!

BTW, a special thank you to all those men and women in the Armed Forces who keep us safe and allow us to continue to have our freedoms.  Even if the freedoms are the above list.  Here at the Hive, we respect and appreciate you.

Hope your day was fun.

I am in AWE! And could become a Swapaholic.

This package arrived in my mailbox yesterday.  The anticipation and excitement was overwhelming.  It was like Christmas morning.  Ladycakes was home from school and could hardly contain her excitement as well.

In my effort to avoid receiving a "You suck at blogging" Award, I photographed the next step.  Look at how cute this postcard is, straight from the Vancouver Olympics.  The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering at top speed at this point.  On the back of that postcard?  The nicest note from none other than Karen from Urban Craft, you know the gal who organized this swap.  Oh yea, I said it, THE ORGANIZER!  All I can say is, how did I luck out?  What stars were aligned on that day?  And thank God I didn't have to send something to her!  So are you ready?  Wanna see?  Wanna See?















Well, I'll show you tomorrow!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I Double-Dog Dare You!

The other night I actually Double-Dog Dared my friend, Jamie.  An AMAZING photographer whose work I love and respect.  She bought a crazy t-shirt but was worried about wearing it.  She needs to embrace her inner t-shirt-wearer and wear it proudly.  Let me give you a couple of examples of how you do that.

Example #1

Now this is a thrift store t-shirt I couldn't pass up.  Man shirt yes. But it's AC/DC and worn so it's like old AC/DC and it was two bucks....so you buy it, right?  Right.

And then, if you have a shirt like this, you can ask your husband to photograph you acting like a fool, or yourself.  Mr. Handsome, you make me look emo-cool.  Thank you darling!

Dear Ms. Sampson, I double-dog dare you to take that Edward Cullen shirt and wear it baby!  Wear it like you stole it.  Which I know you didn't!

">And by the way, I'm back in black, hit the sack, I'm glad to be back!




And please don't judge me by the size of my fingers! ;)

Swaptacular Craftasm or Swap Fever

So the Swap.  You know, the one I mentioned.  The Meomi inspiration swap.  I got me some swap fever.   I decided today was the day I started.  Stop dragging my feet.  Stop worrying that my item won't turn out.  It's not a competition, Jen just get started.

So I pulled out all of my paper.  Which btw is way more than I remember having and clearly my hording needs to be professionally diagnosed.  Found just what I needed in my stash.  I am going with a paper and fabric collage.  Throwing in a little high-tech use of my heat transfer machine and hopefully everything will come together.  You can see The Octonauts in the background.  They are my inspiration.  Cute little characters that I wish really existed.  I would love to have a fish tank full of Octonauts.  Way cuter than a sea-monkey.

This is all you get of it today.  There will be more.

Love in an Elevator, can I see you later and love you just a little more?

A weekend spent at Macy's is a weekend for the record books.  Okay it wasn't a weekend it was an hour on Sunday, but it felt like a weekend.  Oy.  Here's me making funny faces into the mirror in the dressing room whilst Q modeled "skinny jeans" for Mr. Handsome and Ladycakes.  Why do I get stuck backstage?  Totally dealing with the fray!  My opinion doesn't matter.  It leaves me making funny faces in the mirror and photographing them.

Okay, skinny jeans for Q.  Boys dig the skinny jeans.  It's crazy fun shopping for these bad boys. Check the teal!  #1 on Q's list.  We did remind him that some 3rd graders might find the teal skinny jeans a bit "flashy" but he's willing to deal with the ridicule.  I am raising my own Stephen Tyler, (hopefully without the drug abuse) but my boy has a rock 'n roll attitude.  I love it.  I have it but don't know how to show it.  The teal skinny jeans rock my world.

So rock 'roll.  Look how cute that boy is.  Now if the skinny jeans affect his school work the shit's coming down.  Mama's takin' those jeans and making you wear khakis.  But boy, you crack me up.  I love the swagger those skinny jeans give you. I'll keep that swagger in check but a little swagger goes a long way.

Elvis insisted on getting his own skinny jeans.  Red and black.  Oh my Hell it's AC/DC at it's finest.  And he's 4.  Wow!  Hilarious.  They rock those skinny jeans, my boys.  Ladycakes scammed some Roxy sweatpants because she has figured out I'm a SUCKA'!

We saw great art this weekend.  The Kimball Art Center is amazing and offers terrific exhibits.  We are so lucky being in a small town and an incredible art community.  We checked out this exhibit this weekend.  4 to 79 (years) enjoyed it (we saw it with grandparents, but everyone enjoyed.)

Pictures check them.... there is SO much to this exhibit.  It's full of themes and has so many strange contradictions.  It's political, religious, contradictory, incredible.

I love the fact that men and boys can be creative and flashy.  I learned that at the art exhibit and the skinny jean shopping.  Boys and Men have a lot to express.  And, their expression should be celebrated. I love what these incredibly creative people do, it's brilliant.

GO SKINNY JEANS!

I should all over myself today. It's terrible cleaning up your own should.

The boredom today was mind numbing.  Killing me, mind numbing.  I did NOTHING today. NOOOTHHINNG.  It was pathetic and frustrating.    Above is a small example of the lameness I deal with, is it Sonic or is it Phinneas and Ferb?  And how does any of it matter?  Is it curing diabetes?  Any of you who have any cause should be disgusted.  I am disgusting.  I swore I wouldn't mention it but I suspect a few of you have had similar days.  They happen.    Elvis has a double ear infection so we hung today. He could have been at school but I'm lazy and full of excuses.  We hung out and now I am ready for him to leave and go to college.  It's been a long day.

I mentioned my swap at Urban Craft.  I am totally in  a crazy frenzy over what to do, what to do! I could sew.  But, I am having a fabric, felt, paper collage thing goin' on.  It's over-achiever at it's finest.  In my mind it's great.  But fer reals?  Ladycakes is all in my face over this.  She wants to quit 6th grade and join the swap.  She has all sorts of ideas.  Some good, some annoying.  She's gettin' in my shit.  I'm 40. I'm allowed to have a hobby.  She needs to concentrate on math, World language, social studies, etc... not being me.    Good Lord.

Tomorrow I am attempting to get back to a thrift store that had a cool white lamp I'd like try to make more of, but will have to drive more than 5 miles and did I mention I'm lazy.

I've got a crazy fun felt collage going on but don't have a camera that has a battery.  Clearly, professional blogger or professional anything, I ain't.

I just signed up for the Professional Should'r Contest.  No one Shoulds like I Should!

I might try making a "Should on Yourself "diaper.  Totally green, totally made in America, totally craftactular.  It could come in all sorts of sizes.  Petite, Small, Small Medium. Medium, Medium Large, Large, Large Large , Extra Large.

Tomorrow I promise to be Should-free.  Thanks for listening.

If I drank Chardonnay at lunch, my house would be prettier.

It must be February.  Today I have been wandering around my house trying to figure out how to make it look entirely different.  I want to totally change it up, go with different color schemes, buy all new furniture, make it bigger and totally eliminate any sign of children.  If I have to try to figure out how to incorporate Ninja Turtles, Playstation remotes and the random blue or green nail polish bottles and hair bands into my decor for much longer I am going to lose it.

We still have quite a bit of snow.  Spring isn't springing here.  I have a ways to go before I can get out of my Winter funk and move onto my Spring mania.  You know the time where I start planning the garage sale I swore I would never have again!  So I went out looking for some inspiration.  Here's what I found that is turning me on and sure to make Mr. Handsome roll his eyes and walk away.

Note the absence of any Ninja Turtles.

I particularly like the fact there are not puppy-sized fur balls collecting in the corners.

It's just so clean!  And fresh.

Notice there is no T.V. in this room, therefore no Playstation remotes. 

I absolutely LOVE those red chairs, that no doubt the owner found while searching the local

antique store after she had finished a lovely lunch with her girlfriends where they drank Chardonnay

and talked about the vacations they have planned for this summer.  I hate that bitch.

Oh and look at this charming table she found.  Love how there isn't a day-old (still full of yesterday's garbage) lunch box, a pair of dirty socks, 2 winter hats, the mail, 2 dog leashes, a cupcake wrapper and the car keys covering it.  

I might just start moving furniture around.  It would make me feel better.  I might even unearth Donatello.  He's been missing for weeks, he's probably hiding because he hates February too.

Thankfully, my audience is friendly and generally doesn't say anything.

Elvis is under the weather.  Poor kiddo.  The bees have been off of school this week.  I can guarantee that come Sunday evening both of the big bees will have come down with whatever little bee has. (Terrible grammar there I know, but it's 1:40 in the afternoon and everybody is still in their jammies watching Wow Wow Wubbzy.  Clearly order and rules are not applying to any aspect of my life.) 

My big kids always get sick during a school break usually the day before they have to go back.  At first I thought they were faking but usually it's a true blue illness.  Someone should do a study and then pay me for letting my kids be test subjects.  I could use the money.

Look at him!  It's pathetic.

Okay but enough about that.  

I don't think I have mentioned that I am participating in a craft swap.  First ever.  I am losing my craft-swap virginity and I even told my mom about it.  She's quite proud.  So Urban Craft is having a swap with the inspiration being the Olympic mascots and their creators.  Meomi.

So today in my email I got the name of the person I have to send my item to (there I go again with the bad grammar.)  Maybe instead of a craft swap, I should take an online grammar course.  Anyhoodle.

So now I am freaking out.  Stalking my recipient on her blog to see how crafty she is, has she won any craft awards?  Like Crafter of the Year?  International Super Crafter?  She Can Craft and Parent at the Same Time Award?  Seriously, what if she works for some cool craft design company and is on an assignment to find America's Worst Crafter?  And then what if she picks me?

Here's the deal,  I totally pressured my friend over at wifemotherexpletive to join this swap.  I figured misery loves company.  I secretly hoped our names would somehow be drawn to swap with each other (because THAT could really happen) and then we could laugh together and not embarrass ourselves.  Although I suspect Miss WME is a great crafter who is just hiding it from all of us!

So I gotta get on this thing.  I have to send it by March 20th.  I'll share as I work on it.  Probably all on March 19th.  Just kidding.

Off to wipe a nose and dance along to Olivia.

Madeleine's Pins make me very happy. Jewelry and Politics do mix.

So I've decided to try reading.  My reading often involves just looking at pretty pictures.  I'm a visual one.  Words?  Love words.  Love to play with words, twist words, change words....but sometimes reading them takes too much effort.  I tend to like words for their visual aspects.  Someday I will discuss that further.

Wanna know what I'm reading, do ya', do ya'?  Please say "yes."  because I'm going to tell you regardless.

Let me start by saying, I am not political.  Meaning, ask me about politics and I'm wishy-washy.  Firstly, it SO doesn't interest me.  In my humble opinion, politics are ridiculous.  It's totally corrupt.  It's "bait and switch" it's "I've been sold a bill of goods!"  It's darn right silly.  I don't think my vote counts.  I live in Utah and tend to vote the Democrat-side of things (I just ruined my chance at several job applications, if those hiring happen upon this here blog.)  I am not a devote Democrat.  I cannot commit like that.  Secondly, I think politicians are slimy.  A bit criminal, as wishy-washy as me.  So, not willing to commit.  Maybe I'd be a great politician (without the slimy, criminal stuff)!

 But this book makes me very happy.  This is my kind of politics.  It's politics but it's also jewelry.  And covert communication (I LOVE COVERT COMMUNICATION!)  Jewelry, educated-creative-covert communication?!  This woman rocks my world.  Rocks it!  There is so much about this read that I dig.  check this quote....

"Naturally, not every diplomatic encounter demands a sunny attitude.  If I wanted to deliver a sharp message, I often wore a bee. Muhammad Ali used to boast that he would "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee"; my message was that America would try to resolve every controversy peacefully, but if pushed into a corner, we had both the will and a way to strike back."  page 93 Read My Pins by Madeleine Albright.

So that's one of the books I'm reading.  I'll introduce another book in the next day or two.  Check this one out at your local library or just buy it.  You'll browse over it for hours.  And, then scour thrift stores for some costume jewelry of your own.

One Small Change, Month Two!

Month One went quite nicely.  Ladycakes has done an outstanding job of turning off her lights.  Quite proud of the Miss.  Q has not had much opportunity to walk to school due to weather and a recovering Mother but that is on the back burner.  It will happen.  Elvis has had to practice SERIOUS restraint in the wardrobe department.  But, he's doing it and we applaud when we see the same PJ's two nights in a row.

Mr. Handsome changed the thermostat.  It's chilly in certain parts of the house but I am learning to wear an afghan quite fashionably.  I am draping it as if I am Fleur Cowles, my newest obsession.  Haven't done great with the cloth napkins, but Mom has been under the weather so we'll put that on the back burner as well.

Note to self, don't start a challenge before going into major surgery.

This month is going to be fun.  Here's what we have planned.

Mr. Handsome and I will try to find organic alcoholic beverages to consume.  It's me.  This is how I participate.  We found this excellent vodka that has a great concept.  We will support this company.

Ladycakes is going to try re-purposing some of her clothes.  Starting with socks.  Check this great idea.  She will not only make a fashion statement but a few pairs of socks will NOT make it to our local landfill.  Plus, we might have a few new birthday gift ideas!

Q and Elvis are going to help me with our compost pile. Yes, we have a composter.    And, I didn't buy this model because Oprah recommended it.  I had mine before Oprah.  Told you we were kinda "green."  The boys will be in charge of dumping and churning the frozen, not totally frozen, compost.  It's working, the bin never over flows, it's just a little slow.  They will LOVE wielding a pitch fork.  And maybe come June, we will be able to use some of the compost to really spice up our garden.

Note to self, monitor pitchfork wielding!

Duh, yes, we have a garden.  Just because I talk about Snoop Dogg doesn't mean I don't have a garden!  Don't mind my own identity confusion.

So, we are up for Month Two, Here at the Hive.  We are being conscious of our actions and our choices. That's the point, right?   GO GREEN!

I've been sitting and therefore I have been crafting.

I have a ton of thank you notes to write.  I have been trying to stay on top of it.  But, I don't just write thank you notes.  I feel compelled to actually make thank you notes.  Draw something,  Pencil in some color.  Add some felt accents.  Each one, individually, for the kind folks who have given so much to us here at the hive.

I love making something from nothing.  I ordered a bunch of felt scraps because that seems like fun.  Why not order scraps and see what you can construct from them.  Here's what I came up with using random shapes.  I loved geometry in high school.  This is how it is useful in the real world.

I also feel very strongly about thank you notes.  It's a dying art.  Handwritten notes are a thing of the past.  I could have just thrown a shout out to all the friends who have showered us with dinners here on the blog.  Hit up their Facebook walls with a quick "what's up and btw thanks."  Twitter a "Thanks for the great eats, you rock our world.  I'm good and Kim Kardashian ain't got nothin' on me."   But that's not okay.  Taking the time to write a heartfelt note, so the recipient knows how much you appreciated their kindness, it's so important.


GO,THANK YOU NOTES!

Mr. Handsome has all the luck.

You know me.  I'm star struck.  Stupid star struck.  Mr. Handsome got lucky today.  He's been Mr. Mom this week, next week too.  He rises to the challenge like no other.  Whilst driving the young bees to swim team (actually to be honest the little bees had been dropped off at this point) Mr. Handsome had a celestial encounter.  An encounter of the coolest kind.  Can you sense my jealousy, my envy?  You gotta be shittin' me kind of encounter.  Driving down the road, minding his own business Mr. Handsome sees a bit of a traffic situation.  Some guy standing by the crosswalk, waving folks (cars through) like bowing graciously and suggesting they just keep driving.  Mr. Handsome is an observer.  He would make a great detective.  Big black bus in the parking lot on the left.  Posse gathering next to said man waving traffic through.  Puffy coat, ear phones, Swagger on said man waving traffic through.

Oh yes it is.  Oh No it isn't.  Snoop F'ing Dogg is waving Mr. Handsome through.  Saying, "go ahead I'll wait.  You drive, I'll cross after you. "

Meanwhile, I'm at home sitting on the couch.  Just sitting, it's what I'm supposed to be doing.  Uuuuggghhh!  I missed Snoop.  Thank God, I would  have made an ass of myself.

Mr. Handsome was so proud, so excited.  He rolled down the window and called out "Peace, Snoop!"  Snoop peaced back.  Mr. Handsome is WAY cooler than me.  Thank God it was him and not me.

Add "Sensual Seduction by Snoop Dogg" to my Life Soundtrack.

Now he can do this Do you think that you could? And he can do that Which is more than any old cat could

Are you familiar with Kipper? I LOVE Kipper. He makes me so happy. I wish I lived where Kipper lives. I wish I talked like Kipper. If I said, " We are having leftovers for dinner," in Kipper's voice, my whole family would hip, hip, hooray for leftovers. Kipper is calm, methodical and terribly naive. I'm cool with that. He's a dog, a dog with a slipper. He's Kipper, Kipper the dog. And btw, that's a toad not a frog.

Here Kipper is investigating hedgehogs. That in itself is so tantalizing to me. Who wouldn't love to own a hedgehog? That Naughty Dog (not Kipper!) would eat a hedgehog and then blame it on his accomplice (also not Kipper) ...but still, they are little and prickly.

January 6th has been a Kipper kind of day and that's a good thing. We shall see what tomorrow brings!

Want an inexpensive, high impact gift? Look here!

SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME....DO NOT READ THIS POST. THIS IS YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT. ALSO, IF YOU LIVE ON MY STREET AND YOUR NAME STARTS WITH L, C, J, H OR F....READ NO FURTHER. YOU WILL BE EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I SHOW UP @ YOUR HOUSE BEARING GIFTS AND EXPECTING A COCKTAIL IN RETURN!

For the rest of you (maybe 2 other readers, thanks for checking in btw) look at how cute these are!

Candles, World Market, they smell yummy and have great colors. Match boxes, grocery store. Paper, remember that supply of craft materials I told you about? Well, I'm putting it to use.

With the addition of some beads and glitter that I also have on hand, these silly store bought matches suddenly seem high society. They look great and have been personalized for each recipient (color and style-wise.) My Chattanooga readers, go to Sophie's, buy some candles and add your own matches. What an idea!

A little better view, pardon the flash. I matched paper to candle color. It was fun to work out who would receive what... this is what I love about Christmas.

Hilary, LeeAnne and Lisa. You looked. You aren't getting your presents. Shame on you! *wink, wink, kiss, kiss*

My fave Christmas Song. "Silver Bells" This is Donny and Marie style for my Utah crowd. Enjoy every minute of it ladies and gentleman. It's delightful.!

Hilary made me buy that! Really, she said I NEEDED it.

Check, check, check it! Look at these.... I mean, really look. These are why Advent calendars ROCK! Are you kiddin' me? Spongebob sweatbands! I'm thinkin' just regular sweatbands would have rocked Elvis' world but Spongebob? It's perfection. He wore them to swimming lessons. Not just TO swimming lessons but to swimming lessons. Like in the pool with his goggles swimming lessons. It's marvelous. You actually do sweat when you swim you know. For the picture, I made him wear them with Spongebob's face looking toward his hands. However, for real life wearage... he prefers Spongebob's face looking right up at his. They have a relationship, with that configuration they can communicate. It works for Elvis.

You'll be pleased to know Q opened his Advent calendar today and found........wait for it..............

Spongebob sweatbands! It's beautiful! Although Mr. Handsome immediately asked, "How are we going to be able to tell who's is who's?" That Mr. Handsome, he's a thinker, a worrier. So, what did Ladycakes do, you ask? Went lookin' for the box that was sweatband-shaped is what she did. It's not there! Oh no. Will there not be Spongebob sweatbands for Ladycakes? You'll have to tune in to find out.

In the meantime, we put up our Christmas tree. What do think? Isn't it gorgeous? It's a bit smaller than last year but we love it just the same. Take a look.

JUST KIDDING! Can you imagine? I don't have the energy to bring the Christmas stuff up! Maybe tomorrow I'll feel inspired. I just wish I could snap my fingers and it was done. I'll get into it, promise. And, I'll show pics. First, I want to show you a project with 2 pringles cans and a hot chocolate container. I know, it sounds like the start of a really bad joke. Maybe, it is!

I better get ready cuz Santa Claus is comin' to town!